I feel like a bad mum

[Bloom]

I hope this is in in the right section.

I have been exclusively breast feeding for 1 month now and i do enjoy it and would like to continue but im having a few issues.

Im finding feeding on demand and having a baby who feeds every few hours (sometimes it can be 1 hour sometimes 4) and has no routine to her feeding very demanding. I have lots of people around me who want to help but i been trying to do it all on my own. Ive been thinking about mixed feeding as i really want my oh to help take some of the pressure and be involved a bit more and free myself up for the odd time on my own and even a nice glass of wine or two. Ive tried expressing but i havent been able to get enough milk off for a whole feed so end up topping her up myself which defeats the object of the bottle in the first place.

I feel really guilty for even considering changing her feeding when its going really well for my own benefit. I feel really bad for wanting an evening out with the girls or a few hours shopping on my own or a trip to the cinema. I love my daughter to bits and wouldnt be without her and i dont know how i would feel if i actually did let someone (including oh) take her for a little while to give me a break.

Am i being a bad mum thinking like?

 

[Jade&Evie]

I've Pmd you x

 

[happy-chick]

Have you thought about expressing to give you a break?

Your doing brilliantly and no ur not a bad mum at all, breastfeeding is very demanding & its hard not being able to have a proper break. Do whatever u feel is best hun, a happy mummy = a happy baby

 

[charlie84]

Hi Bloom

You are feeling exactly as i am feeling hun. Feeding on demand is getting hard for me. In the day she is more or less attached to me. Inbetween feeding i am running round trying to get a wash on or the washing up done or other household chores before she wants another feed.

I have expressed for OH to do a feed every now and then but she doesnt take the bottle well at all, think the most she has had is an oz (even some of that dribbled down her chin) so that isnt an option at the mo.
I am gonna have to try other bottles to see if she will take from those.

You are not a bad mum hun, we all need me time and shouldnt feel guilty for admitting so. You are the only one who can decide what is best for you and your baby.

 

[valentine]

Hey Bloom,

Its really up to you honey, I found it really difficult being so tied to my baby, as much as I loved her - it was hard not to be able to go out to the shops or for an evening out unless I spent hours and hours pumping and getting organised. However, I got through it and my DD is still now exclusively breastfed (+ solids!). It was hard and there were lots of tears but I'm still standing!

I know this is a while away for you but once my LO got to 8 months and was well established on solids, she dropped her mid morning breastfeed so now only takes one feed first thing, one feed mid afternoon and one feed in the evening just before bed - that's it! The freedom is great! And if she misses the afternoon breast feed then its no biggie, she gets a ricecake or some kind of snack instead, I'm quite relaxed about it.

i dont know how i would feel if i actually did let someone (including oh) take her for a little while to give me a break.

This is something I struggled with too - I felt like I was her Mum and should be feeding her - bottle of EBM or breast. But I soon got over it when I realised how much he enjoyed his times doing it (not often, but enough for me to have the odd visit to the pub!)

I feel really bad for wanting an evening out with the girls or a few hours shopping on my own or a trip to the cinema.

Don't be silly - its taken me nearly 10 months to realise this, but we really deserve time off and time to ourselves. Happy Mummy = happy baby!

the odd time on my own and even a nice glass of wine or two.

Remember you can always 'pump and dump' - express and put the boozy milk down the sink! The waste near breaks your heart, but it is fine to do this after a night out, feed LO with frozen or fresh EBM from a bottle after she wakes and it also helps keep your supply up.

Ive tried expressing but i havent been able to get enough milk off for a whole feed

Remember you can use milk expressed over a few pumping sessions to make up enough for one milk feed.

Good luck with your decision. Mixed feeding is absolutely fine and it is NOT unselfish to want to do this but it is possible to keep your LO exclusively breastfed and do the things you are talking about, particularly if your LO is taking a bottle well.

Good luck - let us know how you're getting on.

Valentine Xxx

 

[lisa&alex]

i know exactly how you feel.. but i feel guilty for giving formula coz i really dont want him to have it.. there is so much crap in formula.. noone knows whats in it.. most of it is chemically enhanced.. breast milk is best for babies.. i dont even want to look into the additives and preservatives im giving edward.. because it will make me feel even worse for doing it.. i wish we could have exclusivly breastfed but medically i was unable to.

perseveer it will get easier..xx

 

[SarahH]

there is so much crap in formula.. noone knows whats in it.. most of it is chemically enhanced.. breast milk is best for babies.. i dont even want to look into the additives and preservatives im giving edward.. because it will make me feel even worse for doing it..

Well thats gonna make her feel better!!

Anyway....
As some of the others have said, try to express if you can. Arianna wouldnt feed direct off me so I exclusivly expressed for the first 16-17wks. I was lucky that my breasts were like udders and I could easily fill a bottle each time I expressed.
Maybe worth a try

With regards the formula, if you feel it is best for your lo, go for it. If it was full of so much rubbish, they would remove it from the shelves. Yes breast is best, but formula isnt that bad either.
The way I see it is as long as the baby is getting the goodness they need and they are happy and healthy - thats all that matters!

to you - and never think you are a bad mum again!!

 

[laracomps]

I am in a similar situation to Lisa. Phoebe is mixed fed, not out of choice. I'd love to exclusively breast feed her, but for many reasons its just not been possible.

I have beat myself up over it so much, and am still doing so. I feel very guilty.

However... I am thankful that at times it gives me a break, OH can feed her during the night at the weekends. I like seeing him feed her as its bonding for them too. Not sure I'd like anyone else to feed her though to be honest. Mum has once, but only because I was asleep on my feet!

I know what you mean about sharing the pressure. I don't think our OH's understand the pressure we have on ourselves feeding our little ones.

At the end of the day, if mixed feeding makes you happier, you and your baby will end up happier. I am generally happier now I have made a decision to mixed feed. But I haven't stopped beating myself up about it just yet.

In terms of expressing, have you tried an electric pump? Buying an electric one was the best thing I ever did. (not that I get loads off, but if I did it religiously I'd have enough for a couple of feeds at least, but my milk supply is not great). I think Boots have them on offer? They did last week when I was in there.

My best bit of advice would probably be to make a decision and try to stick to it. Don't let anyone else make you feel bad or guilty (apart from yourself )

 

[Jade&Evie]

but i feel guilty for giving formula coz i really dont want him to have it.. there is so much crap in formula.. noone knows whats in it.. most of it is chemically enhanced.. breast milk is best for babies..

My baby is formula fed- and she's fine. I was formula fed and I am fine. My brother was formula fed and he's fine. Formula isn't poison.

Breast is best but formula is the next best thing.

 

[muppetmummy]

dont feel bad for wanting some time to yourself, you may be a mum now, but you're still you too. It does get easier to have parts of your old life back as they get older.

I would be tempted to give the expressing another go, and get others to help out with the feeds if it was me. If you do decide to use formula its not the end of the world. James was fed nothing but formula after a week old and he's grown up very healthy. Dont feel bad, breastfeeding for a month is a big achievement, you should be proud of yourself

 

[lisa&alex]

dont want to cause an argument.. i was fed formula and so was charlotte.. but as everyone knows breast is best and if anyone is curious to know what formula has in it ive found this article.

WHAT'S IN INFANT FORMULA?
WATER: May contain high levels of fluoride.

CORN SYRUP: Contains glucose. Mother's milk contains lactose as the main carbohydrate. Not all brands of formula contain lactose.

SUCROSE: Contains no lactose. The wrong sugar for babies.

SOY OIL: Processed using high temperatures and chemicals, bleached and deodorized. Likely to be rancid.

WHEY PROTEIN: High temperature processing likely to destroy fragile whey proteins.

SOY PROTEIN ISOLATE: Highly processed, contains phytoestrogens that can adversely affect baby's hormonal development and depress thyroid function. Does not have GRAS status.

CARRAGEENAN: Extremely hard to digest. In most ready-mixed formulas, carrageenan is one of the main causes of digestive disorders in formula-fed infants, not lactose-intolerance. Caused liver problems and ******ed growth in rats.

SOY LECITHIN: Extracted from the soy oil sludge. Likely to be high in pesticides.

SYNTHETIC VITAMINS: Often have the opposite effect of vitamins naturally occurring in food.

FREE GLUTAMIC ACID (MSG) and ASPARTIC ACID: Neurotoxins formed during processing of milk and soy protein powders. Levels are especially high in hypoallergenic formulas.

from
http://www.westonaprice.org/children/tricks.html

 

[BabyMagic]

Don't feel quilty about wanting to have me time.

This is what we do; I express milk just in case for OH to give to LO. I then go out (shopping or beauty treatments) and my OH takes LO for a walk in a sling. In a sling she can last for 3+ hours - hence so far my OH hasn't been using the expressed milk at all.

I am normally back within 2 hours as I miss LO too much It is great to come back refreshed and happy

I wouldn't feel quilty about using formula on the occasional night out. On a positive note you have already exclusive breastfed for a month - that is really good. If you are still planning to mostly breastfeed - that is great too! Good luck

 

[Bloom]

Thanks for the advice ladies im feeling much better today i going to perseveer for a bit longer and give expressing another go and see how i get on with that.

When expressing is it ok to use both breasts and is it best to express in the morning?

 

[Squiglet]

Thanks for the advice ladies im feeling much better today i going to perseveer for a bit longer and give expressing another go and see how i get on with that.

When expressing is it ok to use both breasts and is it best to express in the morning?

I don't know... Some people say it is... but tbh... I find it much easier in the evening... At a month old though, lil miss fed so much and so frequently that I was too afraid to express encase I ran out of milk. What I find a great help was if everyone else took over the general everyday chores and I just fed and did nothing else but feed lil miss... that made a huge difference.

As for www.westonaprice.org That site is quite negative, and I don't feel it gives a good unbiased view of what is in formula, plus cows milk also contains lactose as a main source of Carbohydrate and only when you choose a lactose free brand of formula do they introduce a secondary source of carbohydrates, such as corn syrup... (note...this site also tells you how to make your own formula milk which I think its totally irresponsible and could make a baby very ill if not done correctly http://www.westonaprice.org/children/recipes.html) I have found further information here

Tbh I don't think that there is anything wrong with mix feeding or giving formula instead of breastmilk. I think that all women should try to bf'd for the sake of the bond it creates... but feeding your baby correctly is a lifelong commitment... after all you can be good and bf'd for as long as you like but if you feed your baby garbage afterwards, what was the good in bfing???

 

[loz]

It is definately easier in my experience to express first thing in the morning when your boobs are fuller!

I have been out for 2 nights out since LO was born, both times I expressed for her and it was fine. I have a Tommee Tippee hand pump which is fine - it only takes 5-10 mins to do a bottle now I'm used to it.

I read something that advises to give LO a bottle of expressed every night so they get used to a bottle - I havent done that but have got her to take a bottle every so often.

I wouldnt feel bad about using formula sometimes. I havent yet, but have seriously thought about it in the evening when I am knackered and she is wanting constant feeding from 10-12 pm!!

By the way - a night out is good for your sanity and confidence, so go for it!!

 

[debecca]

i know exactly how you feel.. but i feel guilty for giving formula coz i really dont want him to have it.. there is so much crap in formula.. noone knows whats in it.. most of it is chemically enhanced.. breast milk is best for babies.. i dont even want to look into the additives and preservatives im giving edward.. because it will make me feel even worse for doing it.. i wish we could have exclusivly breastfed but medically i was unable to.

perseveer it will get easier..xx

Not a particularly helpful comment for those of us who can't breastfeed and feel bad enough already!!

 

[charlie84]

I found it easier to express first thing in the morn after LO has had her feed. That is the time of day that my boobs are fuller.

 

[Rosieroo]

I found it easier to pump off one side and feed off the other during the very first feed of the morning, then express both breasts off right before I went to bed (after the last feed at night). I'd put both lots in the fridge, then add them to each other and it was enough for a feed (this was when they were having anything from 8-12(!!)oz per feed of expressed milk (last feed before bed) when they were older and also going slightly longer between breastfeeds.