I dont know what to do

[Emma22]

and i need someone to talk to and vent my anger on, sorry girls

my OH seems to be really suffering with ttc. tried to BD last night and he couldnt perform and this isnt the first time its happened, it seems to happen every other month or so and im so frustrated. he seems to get it into his head that he has to be a super stud and then lets himself down, we have spoken about it in the past when it happened but last night it happened and he just rolled over and went to sleep and emailed me this morning all normal

first of all it makes me think god am i that unattractive (i know thats prob not whats wrong but when you throw yourself at a man and he cant perform then what a girl to think ) and secondly it takes two and without his swimmers there is no chance for my BFP

have tried all the usual stuff of underwear etc and it doesnt seem to help as once he starts thinking about it nothing takes his mind from it. and course im due to OV this week and i just feel like im going to start blaming him soon if it goes on, i prob sound like a bitch dont i, but i can easily get down to cuddles and not think about it till after, why is it so hard for him.....

 

[Urchin]

Hiya

It's hard for any man to have any sort of pressure in that department I think. IT'S NOT YOU/YOUR LOOKS, it's the BDing he's finding unattractive. He's probably thinking about it too much

Does he know it's OV time? if not I would not tell him, don't tell him about your cycle at all...my OH got fed up cos I wouldn't want it for ages than I would jump on him all week hehe!

If you have tried underwear...what else might be a good idea?...you know what he might like...handcuffs? toys? roleplay? Take him to Ann Summers !

For this week, as you're OVing I'd say to him..."lets just have FUN, and forget about ttc..." then when he leaves the room afterwards stick your legs in the air and a cushion under your bum


good luck hum....you'll get there

 

[arcanegirl]

I never tell OH when "its time" he never knows so never feels like he ahs to perform, and if he doesnt i dont make a big deal about it.

 

[Emma22]

i havent told him that its time this week but i swear he seems to know in his sub concious! i did that back in march when i went running up to him with my peestick and waved it in his face and then realised that wasnt the best thing i could have done when we had problems BDing! last month i wasnt gonna tell him but then i got the cold shoulder when i tried it on and had to tell him coz i didnt wanna miss OV. argh!!!!
i try not to tell him, but tried it on with him on sunday night and he said he was too tired then last night we tried and failed and then i get frightened to try incase it happens again and it must be awful for him

 

[Pappadog]

I find it really difficult BD ing knowing that there's a certain time that I really need to get my OH to bed.

Try and BD out of the critical times so he feels that you want to BD for love and not just TTC. It may take time, but BD ing out of the blue may change things and he may start to forget your cycle and feel less pressured.

I know how you feel too and it won't be because he doesn't find you attractive or anything like that he'll just feel too pressured.

Keep your chin up chic

 

[Emma22]

thanks girls

im so frustrated and upset and this seems to happen more often than not and its hard enough to get a BFP anyway let alone without the added worry that OH wont be able to perform. It must be just as hard for him as it is for me but i dont find it hard not to think about ttc whilst BD. also we have a good sex life outside of the 'time', i dont just pounce on him one week of each month if i did then i could kind of understand him feeling pressured, im frightened to talk to him about it as dont want him thinking about even more than he is already but then i dont want to ignore it either

 

[Peanut]

If I were you I'd try a non-penetrative approach....make an effort just to please him, ask for nothing in return.

Don't dress up, don't say too much, don't make it obvious that you're anxious.

A quick HJ/BJ might restore his sexiness and not put him under pressure. You never know, the next night he might want another go!

Sorry if TMI for anyone - I tried to use shorthand! .

 

[Emma22]

anything is worth a try!

 

[HayleyB]

we had the same kind of problem awhile ago....
only it was me that couldn't do it - i felt like DH was using me as a baby machine, and i just couldn't switch my brain off.
So we agreed to stop TTC - but agreeing that seemed to make me want to ttc more than i did previously - but it took the pressure off.
And we were both able to perform.
It was actually during this time that i got a bfp, but i think it was just a fluke, cos i don't believe we were actually relaxed.. just not concentrating!!!

What peanut said should chill him out abit though

xox

 

[Emma22]

thanks Hayley...keep saying to myself to relax and leave off the ttc for a while but its impossible, once you make your mind up that you want a BFP then nothing can stop you thinking about it?? oh well ill have to try Peanuts approach and possibly get down to ann summers for more spice....

 

[Peanut]

seriously, I'd leave off the spice just for now....could put him under more pressure to perform....unless AS stuff is for you after you've done him a good deed!!!

 

[Emma22]

no ill try your approach for now peanut and reward him and try and put him at ease, then if that fails ill head down to ann summers with his permission!

 

[Cat&Noah]

Perhaps also try to limit the amount of BDing, after all doing it loads and loads can make it seem more like a chore and doesnt particularly increase your chances, cause the sprem concentration decreases anyway. If you only do it a couple of times before your due to ovulate that would be fine, Thats way he doesnt feel quite as much like it has to be every morning and every night for several days like a machine. It also makes them less lily to clock that thats the reason why your doing it, cause your not suddenly increasing the amount of sex at a certain time

 

[Emma22]

to be honest im hoping i have a longer cycle this month as then ill hopefully OV towards the weekend and we go away on friday and should both be a bit more relaxed. we dont BD that often, its usually only a couple of times a week, im not a sexahollic as well as a peestickahollic

 

[Peanut]

glad you're laughing again sweetie

 

[Emma22]

thanks peanut, feeling bit better this afternoon, going to go home walk my doggies, have a nice relaxing bath and a bottle of wine as got the house to myself

 

[Peanut]

sounds lovely, enjoy yourself !

 

[Urchin]

Glad you're feeling a bit more relaxed about it...good luck

 

[Emma22]

thanks for listening yesterday girls, i let OH have a night off last night, didnt pester him or anything, havent had a positive on OPK yet so could afford to let him relax last night ill try the softly softly approach tonight, fingers crossed he is feeling a bit better x

 

[Urchin]

Good luck hun.