I don't know what to do

[MrsR]

I don't know if I can carry on with my OH. I found out pretty early on in the relationship that he'd lied to me but I could understand why and I forgave him. However he lies to me about the stupidest things. The other day for example my DD was supposed to go to a party but I couldn't find the invite for the time. OH sent me looking in the bedroom and said he'd look in the kitchen. We live in a flat so I can see kitchen from bedroom door. I heard rustling and I looked through the door and he was rooting in the bin. He produced the invite and then turned around to a drawer and pretended to pull invite out from there. I know that if I hadn't seen him he'd of lied to me. He's a terrible liar and I can always tell and it's always about stupid stuff. It just makes me think what else is he lying to me about if he can lie so easily about small things.
Anyway I use my iPhone to access Internet and I generally keep my phone with me as I'm a little stuck to it! Lol. Well last night I left my phone in the living room on charge when I went to bed. I'd been looking at tickers so had this forum on one page and the ticker site on another. When I jumped on my phone this morning only one page was open and it wasn't on what I'd left it on. I then popped onto my history thinking I'd pick up where I was last night but found my history had been deleted. I asked OH what he was doing on my phone and he said he was just on facebook and hotmail. It was like he was lying for and if that's all he'd been on then why had he deleted the history? God I wanna cry.
The last couple of weeks have been really hard for me since recieving a nasty letter from his ex in laws and I'm finding it hard to cope. He won't speak to me about anything and I'm so frustrated. I just don't know what to do. I'm now sat in the bedroom crying. I feel so alone and if I feel like it I just feel like I'd rather be alone as that's how I feel anyway. I sound so pathetic. Sorry for the rant guys.

 

[scaredmum2be]

aww hugs your not pathetic, why does have the need to lie about the smallest of things ? :shrug:
an why wud he need to delete a history thing off ur fone book if he was only on fb an hotmail. id be asking him if theres nething that hes not telling you an that if u find out he'll be the one in trouble.
Maybe you should keep ur fone on u because ur privacy it seems ur not allowed which aint fair. tell him to get his own fone with the internet on or something.
i dont think there is ne need in lying whats o ever, its not fair on you. tell him to own up if theres anything else he needs to tell you xx

p.s. off topic but hope this makes u smile. 3d/4d scan today @t 2pm yayyyy xx

 

[Yodabo]

No need to be sorry, that's what we are here for!

Have you asked him why he feels the need to lie so much? Perhaps it's a habit? My hubby has a tendancy to lie a bit but only cos he thinks it's better than getting it the neck by telling the truth! I told him that when people will find out you've been lying you'll be worse off.. Thankfully he's not so bad now!

As for deleting his history I don't know.. Maybe he did it for a reaction off you? Perhaps he didn't want you to know he'd been through your phone..perhaps he has trust issues? I have no idea, just summising.has he done anything in the past to make you think otherwise?

 

[MrsR]

It's not so much he'd been through my phone, it's more that he'd been on the Internet on my phone and then deleted the history to hide what he'd been looking at or doing. Alot of the time it is to avoid 'getting it in the neck' but the stuff he lies about I wouldn't be bothered about if he was just straight up with me. I just don't know what to do. I feel trapped.

 

[scaredmum2be]

tell him that u wudnt feel bothered in what he does but he doesnt need to delete the history, tell him that u need history so that it remembers what youve gone on.
Sorry your feeling trapped hun whats he been like with you today? x

 

[Yodabo]

I think a good chat is what's needed Hun, you can't go on like this if it's making you feel so crap..it'll only get brushed under the carpet and possibly get worse. I really hope you can resolve things xx

 

[MrsR]

We had a chat today but as usual got nowhere really. I feel like I'm going mad! He just pretends that nothings wrong even when I'm sat there crying. He just said he doesn't know why he does it and he's sorry but he's always sorry and nothing changes. Ugh. This was so much easier on my own. I'm so upset that this could be over. I'm trying so hard but feel like I'm running up a one way street with a wall at the end.

 

[Yodabo]

Sounds like a very bad habit that he doesn't see a big problem with. He obviously knows it's affecting you but not enough to stop. I think maybe he could do with having a word with someone? Men are a nightmare to admit when they got problems but If he realises he risks losing you if he don't then it might be just the wake up call he needs. I'm so sorry I can't be of more help Hun x

 

[Sam's Mum]

I agree with Yodabo - he probably doesn't realise just how close he is to losing you... saying that he doesn't know why he does it and he's sorry isn't really good enough and he needs to realise that, work out why he does it when there's no need to and stop doing it. Seeing someone either together or on his own might really help

 

[MrsR]

Thanks guys x he would be up for talking to someone but we don't have the spare cash to pay out on a counsellor which is so frustrating! x

 

[titch]

hun this sounds like a real problem for your relationship! I can understand why too, that would really stress me out Telling lies to stay out of trouble is one thing but it seems almost like he is lieing for the sake of it, IYKWIM? it might be that he has some kind of problem with lieing thats nothing to do with you. I saw a documentary on it once, this woman was a compulsive liar and she admitted that she doesnt do it for any reason or to hide anything, she just tells stupid lies and cant stop. Like she'll say she had ham sandwich for lunch when she had egg. Doesnt effect anything either way but she just cant not lie. I dunno, I only saw it on tv, Im no expert but I just found this website that has all sorts of relationship advice to do with lieing.

http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/confront_a_liar/public/compulsive_lying.html

It has advice on the best way to confront him about it and what kind of help is recommended for you both. I really hope he wakes up soon and realises how huge an effect this is having on you, your relationship and also your little bean xxxx

 

[MrsR]

Thank you for that link, it was really helpful x I've had a look for free counselling too and got a few addresses. I don't want to give up and I know I'm not perfect either and the way I confront him about lying isn't helping so I'm gonna try the tips suggested on the link x I'm so tired of it but im gonna try these tips and look at counselling before I make any rash descisions x he's really up for the counselling and has taken himself off to library today to do some research x

 

[titch]

glad to hear he's up for sorting this out too. Youre a very strong woman for sticking at this. I really hope things look up for you both from now on xxx

 

[scaredmum2be]

gud luck with try the link and hope it works hun xx

 

[MrsR]

Well it gets worse. After asking him politely not to use my phone any more I wake up this morning to find........yep he'd used my phone again! So I flipped at him. Then his dad phones asking if OH can drop some star wars things we have from when his son used to come round (before his ex turned into bitch from hell and tried to split us up) so that his ex can pick them up when she takes the brat (mean but true) to see OH's parents. Now until about six months ago his ex didn't bother taking his son to his parents (she always went on about how she hates his parents). His ex actually phoned OH's parents and told them we're expecting (thank god we'd already told them). I can't cope with this woman basically stalking us and trying her damndest to ruin our life and I can't cope with his efffing parents. They never ever call to ask about him, summer, me or bubs. They've shown absolutely no interest in the baby and have done nothing to help us in any way (not just with baby, with everything). I just want to go. To get out. Aaaaaarrrrggggghhhhhh! Sorry. I'm so sorry I'm such a whinge bag. I'm just tired of crying to myself.

 

[isobel84]

maybe you should take a break and think of what you really want.. its not fair on you to have the stress at the moment. ask him for a time out. doesnt mean you are breakin up or anything just take a little step to the side, its easier to think when you are on your own and not right in the middle of everything.

i really hope it gets sorted out.. x