I can't breathe :/

Discussion in 'Coping with Miscarriage & Loss' started by Lilmisshopeful, Jul 29, 2013.

  1. Lilmisshopeful

    Lilmisshopeful Well-Known Member

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    I swear I can't breathe I feel like my hearts being ripped right out my chest. I've spent the past hour sobbing over the implant. Oh just said but we agreed Sarah last go. I know I did but I'm a woman I'm allowed to change my mind. He was like if your worried about getting it done there's other things we can use. That was when I started sobbing I just couldn't hold it in anymore. I was like its not the implant that bothers me its what it does that bothers me. The baby dying stopped me having this baby but the implant will stop me ever having any baby and that's when he said but we agreed one more go. We both always say we will do anything for each other and we always do but why is it me getting an implant tomorrow and not him saying ok babe as long as your sure you can cope :( I love him so much but I am actually heart broken to the point I can't breathe. Can't believe I've got to sit there tomorrow while someone puts something in me that emotionally is going to finish me :( xxx
     
    #1 Lilmisshopeful, Jul 29, 2013
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2013
  2. nbrintz

    nbrintz Well-Known Member

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    Aww Hun bless u I do understand where u are coming from maybe in time he will change his mind its probably the shock of almost losing u maybe as time goes on his confidence my return a little especially when he knows u will have a very close eye kept on u maybe u could hold off getting this for now and maybe just try condoms I know they are horrid but less invasive of fertility wise and don't need anytime at all to wear off if u both did decide to try again sorry prob nothing I say will make u feel any better take care x
     
  3. k8_005

    k8_005 Well-Known Member

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    Take this as an oppertunity for a break not of your relationship but the heart ache and pain. Of loss the roller coaster of emotions. Give yourself a year to focus on you both let your body recover and give your mind time to begin to heal a bit. It seems a long time but in a year then re discuss you don't have to use the implant you can use other contraceptives instead if you prefer but I genuinly think with everything you have been through and the raw emotion right now you both need breathing space and time focused on each other not just babies. Gosh that comes accross cruel and harsh. I only say as I genuinely have felt at rock bottom and I know that when your emotions are that high you almost forget the other person involved feelings too. Sometimes a step back and time out to enjoy each other take a holiday etc. Allows you a bigger perspective and more often than not the courage to decide do we want to try again knowing what has happened and gone before do we want to look into surrogacy do we want to look at adoption. Using any form of contraceptions for any amount of time won't be the end. Just a chance to take a breather. Very easy for me to say. Iv "only" lost two and am blessed with this a healthy pregnancy this time. Iv never been in your exact predicament but I know how overwhelming loss and the thought you may never have children can be. Xx
     
  4. Daley

    Daley Well-Known Member

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    Oh Hun, really doesn't sound like your in a bad place. If that's how your feeling about the implant at the minute don't do it, you may end up resenting oh.

    You need time to heal physically and emotionally before you make any big decisions. Why don't you have a chat with oh and just use condoms until your in a better place. I really do think you should speak to your gp about some counselling Hun, losing a baby is soul destroying enough without the ordeal you went through aswell.


    Thinking of you, message me anytime xxxx
     
  5. Beckyb1991

    Beckyb1991 Well-Known Member

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    Oh hun :( .... I really don't think you should get the implant , you sound emotional enough without that. It makes your emotions run wild n it make me feel awful. Maybe instead of getting the implant maybe you and your partner could go to your gp to ask to see a consultant gynocologyst to find out what the risks would be of getting preganant again and what support you'd get and how you'd be monitored. It might give your hubby a vote of confidence to start trying again.... You really need to sit down and have a serious chat with you OH and tell him honestly how you feel. You don't Want any added stress on your relationship hun xxx
     
  6. Beckyb1991

    Beckyb1991 Well-Known Member

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    Btw it sounds like your having mini panic attacks xxxx
     
  7. lisey

    lisey Well-Known Member

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    I personally wouldn't have the implant right now if it is making you feel this way. You could use other forms of contraception in the mean time, just to give you more time to get through all of this and your OH may change his mind after a little while hun x
     
  8. Lilmisshopeful

    Lilmisshopeful Well-Known Member

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    Just want to thank you all so much I know I was rambling but I really was in a state. I suffer from panic attacks anyway so you was right there becky. Daley I think you just might be right well kinda. Our relationship is solid I have no worries there but this morning when I woke up oh came in to talk he knew I had a bad nights sleep and the first thing was he dont want me to have it if theres a chance i will resent him. Short version of a very long chat that had us both in tears. He sat there crying and explained the way he feels. The 10 minutes I was conscious between surgeries was the most scared I have even been. In reality that 10 minutes was 12 hours. 12 hours he sat there terrified he was losing me not knowing what was going on. All he was told was there had been problems. He said to you it seemed like 10 minutes imagine how he felt sat there thinking he was losing me too. I have a daughter who is 18 from a previous relationship so do have a child he doesn't. He said as much as he would love a baby he loves me more and the thought of any tiny risk is just to much to take he can't live without me where as he can live without a baby as long as he has me. I feel so selfish now for wanting a baby even tho I know how he feels. Hormones maybe. I told him how I feel about the implant and how I'm struggling with the idea of it in me so have agreed on condoms till I'm ready and opk to avoid my fertile time. I'm lucky to have such an amazing man in my life and i am respecting his wishes and feelings, . I hope these feelings don't last to long. I feel so selfish for still wanting a baby knowing how he feels. Thank you all so much for being here xxx
     
    #8 Lilmisshopeful, Jul 29, 2013
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2013
  9. Beckyb1991

    Beckyb1991 Well-Known Member

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    You've got me in tears hun! Litterally laying in bed blubbing lol! I really hope that in a few months time the shock on both sides would have worn off enough to try again! I really wish there was something , anything I could do to help you! I know there's nothing I can do but I'm always here for you for love and support and for chats xxxxx big hugs to you xxxx
     
  10. Mummy2toddler

    Mummy2toddler Well-Known Member

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    I also agree I don't think you should get the implant sorry bit late in posting I know. Your OH sounds amazing I wish I had a OH like him ( in a nice way) x and I think your OH feels the way he does as he loves you very much and doesn't want you to risk your life again. In time he may change his mind its such a hard thing you both went through not only did you both lose your baby but he also nearly lost you too. I'm sorry I can't offer much advise I'm useless but the ladies and support on here is fantastic and I am thinking of you. Xxxx
     
  11. Lilmisshopeful

    Lilmisshopeful Well-Known Member

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    Sorry i made you cry. Im hoping so but the ball is totally in his court so to speak but i really hope he changes his mind. What you have just written is doing more than you can imagine. Just having people to rant to helps so much. Thank you xxx
     
  12. Lilmisshopeful

    Lilmisshopeful Well-Known Member

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    I'd like to say today has been a better day. Very few tears but a huge empty feeling in my tummy. I tried to fill it with a big KFC but that filled the wrong place so now feel sick with the same empty feeling :/ but over all a bit better day today. Just want to thank you all so much for being there for me xxx
     
  13. mrz85

    mrz85 Well-Known Member

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    Thinking of u
     
  14. Daley

    Daley Well-Known Member

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    Glad you managed to have a good chat with oh. You both need time to heal, you may both feel differently further down the line. For now concentrate on allowing yourself to grieve for your lost baby and being there for each other.
     
  15. Lilmisshopeful

    Lilmisshopeful Well-Known Member

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    Thank you for your support. It was good to talk and get it all out has made it easier for me once I see how upset and scared he was about it all. We will get there. My memory book should arrive tomorrow I'm quite excited to be able to put it all down in one place. No good with poems so stole off google lol but my memories cravings feelings ect. Oh isn't back to work till the 8th the army have been great letting him stay home xxx
     

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