carrieanne
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- May 26, 2012
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Hi everyone,
My hubbie & I got married on 20th August 2011 and had already started ttc by that point. I got my positive test on 18th Nov 2011 when I already knew that I was pregnant. Blissfully happy that we had started a new life inside me and at 8 weeks, I had some uncomfortable but not alarming pains up the side of my belly.
The week before I'd told the midwife I'd been quite constipated so she said to up my fibre intake which I had done but only slightly. Apparently I'd increased too much and that was what the pain was. As a precaution they sent me for a scan on Friday 6th January.
There was my little pip on the screen - I knew it should be bigger than that but we had stuck with this name since finding out. Nothing bad was said and after being unable to see on a normal scan, they did an internal one.
As it was the early pregnancy unit I didn't think anything of the lack of enthusiasm that you'd normally get at a scan. They said they'd get me back the following week to check the progress of the fetus.
Friday 13th January, my husband came with me for moral support but he'd already voiced concerns over the size of the crl on the scan the week before as he'd read all the books and it should've been double that size but I stayed positive, afterall, mistakes are made with conception dates all the time.
A nightmare followed of being told that unfortunately the baby had stopped growing and when I questioned this - was it 100% that it had not progressed - was told they'd scan again in a week and then I'd have to choose IF they re-confirmed the non-progression as to how I'd proceed with the miscarriage.
So I was suffering a delayed miscarriage and had another week where people I worked with continually asked me if I was ok as I can't hide my emotions no matter how hard I try. I cried non stop, thinking of how I was carrying a tiny dead baby inside me.
Finally the friday came and despite being told that we would be taken 1st, we had to wait in the waiting room full of women cooing over their healthy scans and waited for what seemed an eternity. We were taken last and my beloved pip was just a blurry blob. The D&C was booked for that monday and in the early hours of sunday, I started to bleed and phoned nhs24 in a blind panic. The bleeding did subside but I can't even begin to describe the grief.
The actual miscarriage was horrific, they put the pessary and whatever else they did and I lay for hours with my wonderful hubbie at my side waiting to be taken for the op. I really needed the loo and the nurse helped me to the cubicle. Just as I was about to move, this huge thing flopped out of me into the bowl they'd put over the toilet. They assured me it was just blood but it was the same shape as the pregnancy sac from the scan and I won't lie, I screamed my head off.
I was taken in to surgery within a few minutes of that, still howling with grief and am sure they gave me the anesthetic just to quieten me down. The next thing I remember is coming round and picking up where I left off.
That's 4 months ago and we started to try again after I had had 2 full cycles after the miscarriage. All have been normal and regular apart from this last one, I was 14 days early and it was up there with the blood loss and pain of the miscarriage. I did test and no hormones present so definately not a miscarriage.
I can't seem to move on though, I stare longingly at other women who have their baby bumps or indeed babies. I'm scared to death that was my one and only chance and am still getting so emotional all the time with no warning or trigger.
How can I stop myself from getting so upset without warning and how can I move on from this awful experience?
My hubbie & I got married on 20th August 2011 and had already started ttc by that point. I got my positive test on 18th Nov 2011 when I already knew that I was pregnant. Blissfully happy that we had started a new life inside me and at 8 weeks, I had some uncomfortable but not alarming pains up the side of my belly.
The week before I'd told the midwife I'd been quite constipated so she said to up my fibre intake which I had done but only slightly. Apparently I'd increased too much and that was what the pain was. As a precaution they sent me for a scan on Friday 6th January.
There was my little pip on the screen - I knew it should be bigger than that but we had stuck with this name since finding out. Nothing bad was said and after being unable to see on a normal scan, they did an internal one.
As it was the early pregnancy unit I didn't think anything of the lack of enthusiasm that you'd normally get at a scan. They said they'd get me back the following week to check the progress of the fetus.
Friday 13th January, my husband came with me for moral support but he'd already voiced concerns over the size of the crl on the scan the week before as he'd read all the books and it should've been double that size but I stayed positive, afterall, mistakes are made with conception dates all the time.
A nightmare followed of being told that unfortunately the baby had stopped growing and when I questioned this - was it 100% that it had not progressed - was told they'd scan again in a week and then I'd have to choose IF they re-confirmed the non-progression as to how I'd proceed with the miscarriage.
So I was suffering a delayed miscarriage and had another week where people I worked with continually asked me if I was ok as I can't hide my emotions no matter how hard I try. I cried non stop, thinking of how I was carrying a tiny dead baby inside me.
Finally the friday came and despite being told that we would be taken 1st, we had to wait in the waiting room full of women cooing over their healthy scans and waited for what seemed an eternity. We were taken last and my beloved pip was just a blurry blob. The D&C was booked for that monday and in the early hours of sunday, I started to bleed and phoned nhs24 in a blind panic. The bleeding did subside but I can't even begin to describe the grief.
The actual miscarriage was horrific, they put the pessary and whatever else they did and I lay for hours with my wonderful hubbie at my side waiting to be taken for the op. I really needed the loo and the nurse helped me to the cubicle. Just as I was about to move, this huge thing flopped out of me into the bowl they'd put over the toilet. They assured me it was just blood but it was the same shape as the pregnancy sac from the scan and I won't lie, I screamed my head off.
I was taken in to surgery within a few minutes of that, still howling with grief and am sure they gave me the anesthetic just to quieten me down. The next thing I remember is coming round and picking up where I left off.
That's 4 months ago and we started to try again after I had had 2 full cycles after the miscarriage. All have been normal and regular apart from this last one, I was 14 days early and it was up there with the blood loss and pain of the miscarriage. I did test and no hormones present so definately not a miscarriage.
I can't seem to move on though, I stare longingly at other women who have their baby bumps or indeed babies. I'm scared to death that was my one and only chance and am still getting so emotional all the time with no warning or trigger.
How can I stop myself from getting so upset without warning and how can I move on from this awful experience?
I want to start ttc again asap cos of my age 39 but my hcg levels are still realy high done a hpt again today and its still quite dark but slightly lighter than fridays one so I think its gonna be a while before I can start again,have u thought about counciling? I realy wish u all the luck in the world and hope u get ur bfp very soon and if ya need a chat just pm me take care xxxx
