How was yours and OHs relationship once baby arrived??

[flexilexi394]

Me and OH have a pretty strong and good relationship and we are both pretty mature in the sense we know how to keep things ticking over etc.

I understand that a new baby puts huge strains on even the strongest relationships - so I'm interested to know, did peoples relationships suffer? How do you keep it going when you're tired and need to take turns looking after a baby? Any suggestions for keeping it good?

I've got ideas as to what to do ie make an effort to huh and kiss and stuff. But is there anything else I can do to help us stay on track?

 

[Lacey's Mummy]

1st time our relationship suffered!! We wasn't living together so OH acted like he was single and didn't have a new baby. I could go weeks without seeing him and he couldn't care less! That's what triggered my PND! I said to him we get a house and move into together or it's over so we did but we continued to argue. Finally when Lacey was about 6 months old he started to grow up.
This time, it's made our relationship stronger! He helped as much as he could straight from when he was born and when he comes home at the weekend he generally acts like he's missed us! Because OH works alot, I let him off doing the night feeds when he's home and we always tell eachother how we fill, not just that we loved eachother but if one of us has annoyed the other, we say why straight away.
I think the key to staying healthy is communication!

 

[Amy_J]

me & oh had only been together about 6months ish when i found out i was pregnant (it wasnt planned at all) he took it better than i did (i cried lol) but during the pregnancy we got stringer and closer, and once marley arrived things just seemed to be perfect!!!!! we are both soo hapy and having the baby has made us even closer than before i must admit it can get card and someitmes strains as your life changes completely (but for the better) i agree with what lacey's mummy said! communication is essential! if you're feeling low or strange or whatever..dpnt keep it to yourself!!!!

 

[isobel84]

first couple of weeks it brought us so close then it went down hill.
I think it was a combination of tiredness, frustration, diferent veiws on how to look after Noa, but also, as i feel i have changed so much, im alot bigger, skin is bad, dont always have a chance to shower and i smell of babysick, i have the odd leaks, i had smelly discharges - yeah i can go on and on.
And Demba, he is still sexy and gorgeous so i have become really insecure, i got really jelous, doubted him and questioned him all the time. We have argued every week since Noa was about 3 weeks until we had this massive argument 2 weeks ago n he packed a bag n left (for a couple of hours )since then, we have not argued or had a row or nothing.

This morning was close tho as i asked him to change Noa when he got up, I heard him doing bits n bobs in the kitchen, putting the tv on and poor Noa was laying in his basket still. So i took him, banged the door a litle extra and went and changed him. then i went to him and said "next time, you tell me that you dont give a shit about your son and i will go up straight away n change him, never mind that i have been up 2 times with him in the night!!!" Demba just said he was gonna do it but i didnt give him a chance and then i just huged him, said "im sorry, im really tired, im so so tired" and he gave me a cuddle and said "its friday, i be here to help you all weekend"
Normally, we would have half killed eachother. sometimes i think you have to take a step back and pick your fights.

Also, in december i checked his phone quite a bit, i was suspicious when he had a txt, when he went out. i deleted girls numbers in his phone, i knicked his other simcard from his workbag.. (he has not even noticed it so how stupid to i feel for thinking he was on the phone to other girls as soon as he left in the morning)
Now, i have not looked for ages (atleast 3 weeks), when he get a txt i dont ask who it is, and honestly, it feels alot better. im not worried anymore, cuz he had his stuff packed, he could have left but he choosed to stay, cuz he dont want to be without me, it told me alot.

oh heres me goin on and on...
lets re write it abit, my opinion on the subject is, dont take things to heart, pick your fights and dont forget to love eachother when baby is asleep- cuddle!

 

[tinytoes]

We had a difficult few weeks , but in-between wanting to kill him, I found myself even more in love and now we're back on track (just as well as we've number two to think of ) I thinks it was stress and lack of sleep . Just try yo have some time that is just for you , as impossible as it may seem for the first few weeks

 

[flexilexi394]

thank you girls. i am so looking forward to it and to see my OH with our baby is gonna be a picture to treasure, but i know its not gonna be easy, and you guys have proved that! i will just do my best with communication and stuff, maybe we will be ok x

 

[ERIN84]

I have to say I think rob and I are stronger since having Emily. Don't get me wrong we argue but he is so laid back it's untrue!!

Dont mean to sound soppy but I loved him before but seeing him sing Emily to sleep and how fab he is with her makes me love him even more.

 

[lanny]

I think it deffo made us stronger my o/h had never held a baby in his life but was so hands on from the word go and it really shocked me how good he was, all my friends say I have it easy as he dose the clothes washing and alsorts I dont make him he's just a tidy freak lol
Of course we have our moments and triedness gets to everybody but we always talk it out.
I would say let your oh be hands on from the start it really helps
I was only 18 when I feel pregnant and nearly 9 years later we are still together

 

[titch]

I agree I think it can make you closer if youre prepared to work at it.

You both need to be realistic about the fact that it is going to be really hard. We have both been really honest and open with eachother.

Don't fall into the trap of thinking you are supermummy and trying to do it all on your own. People might believe you and then you really will feel like youre in it on your own. Then you'll start to resent him, and its just a downward spiral from there. Ask him for help or for his opinion, tell him when you feel overwhelmed or if you feel fed up, lean on him and let him help you. Work things out together and you'll find you become so close. Sounds so cheesy, but we're a team I think we had to be cos I didnt cope too well in the beginning.

 

[sexyamy2005]

my only advice is to make time for u two as a couple, even if its watchin a dvd or tv in bed or on the sofa, have some "couple" time..... oh and have sex still!!

:-D

xxx

 

[kellylou]

We r just in the tired state at the moment me cos i feel i do most things and when he comes home he wants to go on net or ps3 and i am trying to encourage him to spend time with alex then i get texts sayin how much he misses him! We do have the odd moment where we snap as we get tired everyone does but we do have more love foreach other. I do get paranoid about my body am bigger, smellier and grumpier than before but now im chnging it into a positive and workin on it.

 

[AugustMum]

Me and FOB arent together (I dont think :/ ) but its deffinatly made us much stronger. We even more honest with each other now, which is tough going because we were pretty damn honest anyway, and we give each other space showing that we trust each other more. Tonight hes in london getting hammered with his uni friends (as he will be doing all weekend) and I totally trust him to say if anything were to happen or not

 

[leanne1b]

This is our second, i dont think having this child has made any difference to our relationship really. we still get along great... if anything i think were closer because he saw me break hard with depression, and normally i wouldnt let my guard down, so I kinda feel like I trust him more because he saw me so low and didnt run a mile and was understanding
xxx

 

[K&A]

when Jack was born for the first month we were more connected than we've ever been. But then around 2 1/2 months we starting having petty, snappy arguments.. Well i wouldn't call them arguments they were pathetic! But we speak about our worries and problems so there's no need for arguments. But its hard.. Its so true when people say it tests even the strongest relationships.

but you've got to keep ahead of the game.. You let ur guard down once then ull get snowed under x

 

[flexilexi394]

Thanks guys. I think as long as (like you say) we have a bit of couple time and understand that it's not going to be a walk in the park I hope we will be ok! We have a pretty good relationship now, and I love him a lot. And I think he feels the same about me haha. So thanks, at least I know it's normal if we don't ge on as well as we should for a while! X