How do you do it...

[xMillie]

How do you ladies cope?
I know a some of you on the ltttc boards have been ttc as long as me or longer..
How do you do it?
I'm really struggling at the moment, it's awful

MC has given me this false hope that it can happen again
Wish I'd never been pregnant at least I could carry on thinking the doctors just missed something and knowing there was zero chance I'd be pregnant each month

I'm now spending every month symptom spotting like crazy and I'm only just driving myself mad

Feeling like this is no way to live but I don't really want to ask for help or talk to anyone about it


I just can't switch off from the 'maybe I'm pregnant this time' each month
It's doing me no good at all

I'm not ready to move into a 5th year of ttc.. it's going to break me

 

[xMillie]

It upsets me that many have clicked and not even 1 response

I know it's hard to know what to say but really...

 

[millielaura]

I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you Millie.
Not sure if it helps me saying anything as it took nearly 3 years and miscarriages for my daughter so not as long as you have been trying. I didn't cope really , I was in a bad way a lot of the time. I did go to Venice twice in one year which slightly helped having something to look forward too. Watching YouTube vloggers of people going through the same helped slightly too.
Hope someone else comments soon xxxx

Sent from my SM-G928F using Tapatalk

 

[xMillie]

Thanks xx

I wish we could get away, hubby has a hard time get anytime off work

 

[Hoping for no2]

It took me nearly 2 years with my 2nd so understand to some extent, that was hard enough and I already had a child. I can't imagine how you feel, but know I'd be struggling in your shoes too. So sorry. I just wanted to say that I know of a number of people that weren't successful with fresh cycles of IVF but had success with a frozen transfer, not sure why but maybe something in it? Have you had thorough investigations to rule out any issues Thay could be impeding implantation implantation? I assume you have if you've undergone ivf already but the NHS are not particularly detailed with their testing. I really hope you get your Bfp soon, take care x

 

[GBLiz]

it certainly is a cruel blow to try for so long and then have a miscarriage, I can understand how it has thrown you. Really, it is a good sign that you CAN get pregnant but that just makes life a horrendous rollercoaster as you have realised! We TTC for about 4 years after DD1 and the constant wondering if it was this month got really really not fun. All i had was 2 miscarriages a year apart! I have since gone on to have a baby (when not trying anymore!) and now pregnant again, so it CAN happen. But I always knew how lucky i was to have the one child already and knew there was nothing making me unable to carry a child. I hope your case is being looked into throroughly and that you do fall pregnant again

 

[MrsS15]

I’m so sorry you’re feeling so low Millie it’s been such a long hard road for you!

I wasn’t trying as long but did have losses and went through ivf. I know how lucky we are that it worked first time. I admire you and others for managing to keep putting yourself through ivf and ttc!

I don’t have any advice on how to keep going, I struggled with that part so much. I gave myself little goals to keep working towards it aiming for and they helped me push myself each time. But I did have some of the lowest times of my life while trying and failing to conceive! What about counselling? We had it through the ivf clinic and although I was skeptical, I actually found it really helped.

I hope you’re as okay as can be xxx

 

[lisey]

I know too well how you're feeling. We tried for 5 years, 4 miscarriages and difficulties conceiving each time. It took IVF to get my little one.
It's hard to keep positive and to not obsess. Have you tried acupuncture at all? I found that it really helped me mentally xx

 

[xMillie]

It took me nearly 2 years with my 2nd so understand to some extent, that was hard enough and I already had a child. I can't imagine how you feel, but know I'd be struggling in your shoes too. So sorry. I just wanted to say that I know of a number of people that weren't successful with fresh cycles of IVF but had success with a frozen transfer, not sure why but maybe something in it? Have you had thorough investigations to rule out any issues Thay could be impeding implantation implantation? I assume you have if you've undergone ivf already but the NHS are not particularly detailed with their testing. I really hope you get your Bfp soon, take care x

Thanks xx

Yes, I've had everything the NHS can offer apart from our last frozen embryo.

Other testing could be something for us to look into but I just dont know if I can continue to drag this out any longer

 

[xMillie]

it certainly is a cruel blow to try for so long and then have a miscarriage, I can understand how it has thrown you. Really, it is a good sign that you CAN get pregnant but that just makes life a horrendous rollercoaster as you have realised! We TTC for about 4 years after DD1 and the constant wondering if it was this month got really really not fun. All i had was 2 miscarriages a year apart! I have since gone on to have a baby (when not trying anymore!) and now pregnant again, so it CAN happen. But I always knew how lucky i was to have the one child already and knew there was nothing making me unable to carry a child. I hope your case is being looked into throroughly and that you do fall pregnant again

Thanks xx

 

[xMillie]

I’m so sorry you’re feeling so low Millie it’s been such a long hard road for you!

I wasn’t trying as long but did have losses and went through ivf. I know how lucky we are that it worked first time. I admire you and others for managing to keep putting yourself through ivf and ttc!

I don’t have any advice on how to keep going, I struggled with that part so much. I gave myself little goals to keep working towards it aiming for and they helped me push myself each time. But I did have some of the lowest times of my life while trying and failing to conceive! What about counselling? We had it through the ivf clinic and although I was skeptical, I actually found it really helped.

I hope you’re as okay as can be xxx

Thanks xx

I did plan to arrange the counselling when I book the next clinic appointment but it kind of skipped my mind I will try ask when we go in next.

I'm wondering if it will help or make things worse

 

[xMillie]

I know too well how you're feeling. We tried for 5 years, 4 miscarriages and difficulties conceiving each time. It took IVF to get my little one.
It's hard to keep positive and to not obsess. Have you tried acupuncture at all? I found that it really helped me mentally xx

Thanks xx

I had acupuncture with my ivf cycle in April, it did help a lot was way more relaxed that cycle. but then I got a bfn and never went back for another appointment
Never even contacted her to let her know the outcome.. just didn't want to talk about it

 

[MoominGirl]

I've not been trying as long as you have but I can relate to much of what you're going through. I'm not going to say things like be positive or keep trying and it will happen as I think when you get to this stage, they're just empty words and certainly not helpful to you.

I wouldn't say I'm coping well with our situation and I haven't been on this journey for nearly as long as you have. I'm also going through a bit of a rough patch at the moment so I thought I'd share some the things that are helping me survive.

I know you've said that hubby struggles to get time off but having things to look forward to has really helped even if that's just a day out (it doesn't have to be a trip away). For me, the planning part is also really good at keeping me busy. It also means that we get to keep spending quality time together. The only positive thing that's come from this is that I do think our relationship is stronger for it. Not that I didn't think that before but I do feel really lucky to have him.

As I've always been the organiser, having a plan is a big part of keeping control for me. I start freaking out if I don't have something to aim for and feel like I'm just waiting for the next month of failure. Me and OH have had a long chat and have now set a date for when we can see ourselves giving IVF a shot. We've agreed that if we don't fall naturally by March then we've given our bodies a fair chance after getting rid of the polyp and we will know that we truly are broken. Of course, I hope it doesn't come to that but I'm really not holding my breath so a plan is there when we need it. I also don't like feeling undecided so knowing that we've agreed our next step makes me feel more secure.

I can't keep going through this monthly cycle of hanging on to hope followed by misery. I'm fed up being aware of every little symptom that only leads up to yet another failed cycle. It's also the point where I can stop tracking cycles and hopefully go back to a time where I really don't notice whether I'm ovulating or not. I've forgotten what that feels like. I want sex to be enjoyable again which after nearly 3 years of this, it really does feel like a chore. We aren't a high sex drive couple so half the time it just feels forced.

I've stopped doing fertility reflexology as I felt it was time to reign all this stuff in but I am continuing the acupuncture for now. Although the relaxation is good, I also find it's somewhere I can vent about this stuff as I don't like feeling that I'm wearing OH down all the time. He's so supportive but it's nice to feel like I have a safe space. Just feels a bit different to venting on here.

As I'm not in a particularly good place at the moment, I really can't visualise a positive outcome for us anymore. I really am trying but I'm failing miserably. It has forced me to contemplate our future without children. It has been oddly helpful to consider that the worst possible outcome is that my future only has me and OH in it. Strangely that doesn't feel so bad. It's not the ideal situation but I feel like I could make an alternative work. Was surprised when OH said he would be open to adoption for example which really surprised me for some reason as I didn't think he would.

I hope some of this stuff is in some ways helpful. Very impressed if you've managed to read until this point!! Hope you're as OK as you can be

 

[xMillie]

I've not been trying as long as you have but I can relate to much of what you're going through. I'm not going to say things like be positive or keep trying and it will happen as I think when you get to this stage, they're just empty words and certainly not helpful to you.

I wouldn't say I'm coping well with our situation and I haven't been on this journey for nearly as long as you have. I'm also going through a bit of a rough patch at the moment so I thought I'd share some the things that are helping me survive.

I know you've said that hubby struggles to get time off but having things to look forward to has really helped even if that's just a day out (it doesn't have to be a trip away). For me, the planning part is also really good at keeping me busy. It also means that we get to keep spending quality time together. The only positive thing that's come from this is that I do think our relationship is stronger for it. Not that I didn't think that before but I do feel really lucky to have him.

As I've always been the organiser, having a plan is a big part of keeping control for me. I start freaking out if I don't have something to aim for and feel like I'm just waiting for the next month of failure. Me and OH have had a long chat and have now set a date for when we can see ourselves giving IVF a shot. We've agreed that if we don't fall naturally by March then we've given our bodies a fair chance after getting rid of the polyp and we will know that we truly are broken. Of course, I hope it doesn't come to that but I'm really not holding my breath so a plan is there when we need it. I also don't like feeling undecided so knowing that we've agreed our next step makes me feel more secure.

I can't keep going through this monthly cycle of hanging on to hope followed by misery. I'm fed up being aware of every little symptom that only leads up to yet another failed cycle. It's also the point where I can stop tracking cycles and hopefully go back to a time where I really don't notice whether I'm ovulating or not. I've forgotten what that feels like. I want sex to be enjoyable again which after nearly 3 years of this, it really does feel like a chore. We aren't a high sex drive couple so half the time it just feels forced.

I've stopped doing fertility reflexology as I felt it was time to reign all this stuff in but I am continuing the acupuncture for now. Although the relaxation is good, I also find it's somewhere I can vent about this stuff as I don't like feeling that I'm wearing OH down all the time. He's so supportive but it's nice to feel like I have a safe space. Just feels a bit different to venting on here.

As I'm not in a particularly good place at the moment, I really can't visualise a positive outcome for us anymore. I really am trying but I'm failing miserably. It has forced me to contemplate our future without children. It has been oddly helpful to consider that the worst possible outcome is that my future only has me and OH in it. Strangely that doesn't feel so bad. It's not the ideal situation but I feel like I could make an alternative work. Was surprised when OH said he would be open to adoption for example which really surprised me for some reason as I didn't think he would.

I hope some of this stuff is in some ways helpful. Very impressed if you've managed to read until this point!! Hope you're as OK as you can be

Thanks xx

We do really need to spend more time together, a lot of the time he suggests it but I don't feel like going out

Adoption is probably where we're headed. Hubby said if it doesn't happen next year we could start looking into it.

 

[Poppy1976]

Millie - I was on here a bit a few years ago and had 3 rounds of IVF - the third one worked and then 8 months later I got pregnant naturally while still breastfeeding my first! The most interesting thing our IVF doctor said to us is how "inefficient humans are at reproducing compared to all other animals! The biology involved is so complicated, it's a wonder any of us get pregnant at all!!" I remember being in awe of his profession and of how completely at his mercy we were but when he said this I realised that a lot of getting pregnant is just down to good old fashioned luck! If there's something wrong, it is probably fixable. If they can't find much wrong it will just take a bit longer and with a bit more help. I was 37 and 38 when I had my two babies, much older than I expected! My friend had a donor egg for IVF with her first and then fell pregnant naturally with her second. It will happen for you but the unknown is so hard. Hang in there and be kind to yourself. It's ok to be cross with the universe and all the pregnant people in it. You will get your baby xx

 

[MoominGirl]

I've not been trying as long as you have but I can relate to much of what you're going through. I'm not going to say things like be positive or keep trying and it will happen as I think when you get to this stage, they're just empty words and certainly not helpful to you.

I wouldn't say I'm coping well with our situation and I haven't been on this journey for nearly as long as you have. I'm also going through a bit of a rough patch at the moment so I thought I'd share some the things that are helping me survive.

I know you've said that hubby struggles to get time off but having things to look forward to has really helped even if that's just a day out (it doesn't have to be a trip away). For me, the planning part is also really good at keeping me busy. It also means that we get to keep spending quality time together. The only positive thing that's come from this is that I do think our relationship is stronger for it. Not that I didn't think that before but I do feel really lucky to have him.

As I've always been the organiser, having a plan is a big part of keeping control for me. I start freaking out if I don't have something to aim for and feel like I'm just waiting for the next month of failure. Me and OH have had a long chat and have now set a date for when we can see ourselves giving IVF a shot. We've agreed that if we don't fall naturally by March then we've given our bodies a fair chance after getting rid of the polyp and we will know that we truly are broken. Of course, I hope it doesn't come to that but I'm really not holding my breath so a plan is there when we need it. I also don't like feeling undecided so knowing that we've agreed our next step makes me feel more secure.

I can't keep going through this monthly cycle of hanging on to hope followed by misery. I'm fed up being aware of every little symptom that only leads up to yet another failed cycle. It's also the point where I can stop tracking cycles and hopefully go back to a time where I really don't notice whether I'm ovulating or not. I've forgotten what that feels like. I want sex to be enjoyable again which after nearly 3 years of this, it really does feel like a chore. We aren't a high sex drive couple so half the time it just feels forced.

I've stopped doing fertility reflexology as I felt it was time to reign all this stuff in but I am continuing the acupuncture for now. Although the relaxation is good, I also find it's somewhere I can vent about this stuff as I don't like feeling that I'm wearing OH down all the time. He's so supportive but it's nice to feel like I have a safe space. Just feels a bit different to venting on here.

As I'm not in a particularly good place at the moment, I really can't visualise a positive outcome for us anymore. I really am trying but I'm failing miserably. It has forced me to contemplate our future without children. It has been oddly helpful to consider that the worst possible outcome is that my future only has me and OH in it. Strangely that doesn't feel so bad. It's not the ideal situation but I feel like I could make an alternative work. Was surprised when OH said he would be open to adoption for example which really surprised me for some reason as I didn't think he would.

I hope some of this stuff is in some ways helpful. Very impressed if you've managed to read until this point!! Hope you're as OK as you can be

Thanks xx

We do really need to spend more time together, a lot of the time he suggests it but I don't feel like going out

Adoption is probably where we're headed. Hubby said if it doesn't happen next year we could start looking into it.

Sometimes OH really has to push me especially if I'm particularly low. One time when I was in a good mood, I actually told him it was ok to push me a bit. Took a bit of practice butt he now knows where the line is and most of the time I'm better off for it. I also try and book things that I can't miss without good reason like a show ticket rather than a restaurant reservation which I could easily cancel and just sulk!! I know every couple is different but I really can't stress how important it has been for us to keep making plans together. It's a bit like making a point to ourselves that we can still enjoy life without children if you know what i mean.

I think it's good that you're considering adoption. For us it's like having another path if things don't turn out as planned. Also, it is possible to enjoy a life without children even though I hope it doesn't come to that. We will get our happy ending one way or another even if it's a tough journey to get there.

 

[liz85]

Iv only been trying for two years or so. Iv lost count of how many cycles. Iv no tips. I struggle every month. I have to try and tell myself it will happen at some stage. I find it hard to stay positive sometimes. Big hugs xxx

 

[lillith112]

Nearly 3yrs ttc for me, blimey do I know what you mean about wishing you had not got pregnant, it makes it so much worse doesn't it. Same as you I caught pregnant over a year ago, it makes the longing for it much stronger. I was at the point before that of thinking it will never happen, then it did happen and we lost it, and zero success since then. I am at the point of thinking again that it will never happen, I'm 45yrs old now, after these Serum antibiotics I'm not even going to bother trying anymore. If it was meant to be then it would of happened by now. Sod it all !. Sorry for my negative post but I'm on a down day �� . Hugs xmillie xx

 

[xMillie]

Thanks ladies xx

I think I am done, I'm 28 and I feel like I've wasted the last 4/5 years of my life. Watching what I eat, avoiding alcohol - just being a total bore!!!!
We will give our frozen embryo a go but I've had enough

 

[miamia]

@ liz85 - Have you seen yr fertility specialist?
@xMillie - keep my fingers crossed
http://www.pregnancyforum.co.uk/member.php?u=173718