how do i tell her we not going UPDATE told her

[trixipaws]

my mum loves christmas. she is also still very "mummy"ish with me and my lil sis. she still treats me like a child in some ways- one of which is she would bail me out of anything, she tries to do whatever she can helping me out financially, babysitting, etc she did my laundry until i was 23 and if i go out clubbing and end up at 4am with no taxi money i can always call her and she will come pick me up at the drop of a hat (i dont anymore tho it takes the piss- but i could if i liked, shes happy to do it rather than worry about me getting into trouble etc)

but also she worries too much, she takes my problems on board too much and makes herself sick with worry, so i tend to shelter her from the truth, i dont tell her about my problems coz she honestly would worry about them more than ME!

she is a bit of a drama queen too she gets upset about silly things- for example when she was on holiday earlier this year i texted her asking how it was- and because it was raining she said she felt "suicidal"! she lets silly things like weather spoil the whole bigger picture and she is an eternal pessimist!

anyway, she loves having us round on christmas day, iv been living with my boyf for over 8 years now but we've always been there for xmas (theres never any "competition" coz my boyfs mum is dead and his dad estranged)

this year we've decided that its time we start doing our own christmas. i used to spend xmas with my parents i never went to my grandparents, and we think its only right millie does the same, the focus should be here at ours. also, for those who dont know, my boyf and my lil sis had a massive fall-out in may this year, and last xmas my boyf found it a little overbearing that my parents fussed over millie and there were pics of her with them and my boyf felt a bit pushed out.

i think my mum probably assumes we are going as usual, and my sister is moving to aylesbury in november so this year might be the first year ever my mum doesnt have both her daughters there on christmas day!

when i *officially* left home in 2003 when we bought our house, my mum cried- even tho i hadnt lived there since 2000 i'd been living at my boyf's flat, just all my mail still went home. so she makes a big deal out of principles and im expecting her to be absolutely crushed about xmas!

i keep putting off telling her, idk how to tell her either. can anyone gimme any advice?

sorry its long and seems trite but honestly if u knew my mum you would kno it isnt trite for us!

the closer i let it get to xmas itll probably make it worse so i need to do it. i so dont wanna! eep!

 

[krissie23]

Oh dear Trixi.. poor you!

I know it can't be a nice feeling imagining how you're going to have to tell her you won't be spending Xmas day with her! But as you said, the closer it gets to xmas, the worse it will be so if I were you, I'd definetly pluck up the courage to tell her sooner, rather than later!

Maybe just say that you don't want to upset her or hurt anyone's feelings but you've decided that this year, you'd just like a quiet, fuss-free xmas day with just the three of you? Maybe say that you think Millie might be a little over whelmed what with all the excitement, etc., and it'd be nice for her to be in her own environment?! Perhaps you could suggest an alternative, like maybe going round to theirs for a few hours on Boxing Day or the day after or something? That way they will still get to see you over the festive period but you, OH & your LO can enjoy having the actual day to yourselves!

Sorry if that's not much help, I'm a bit naff with advice! If it's any conselation, I have the same prob, it's just with my MIL! She's been badgering us since August (no exageration) on what we're doing for xmas & has asked us to come over to hers xmas eve & stay the night & spend all of xmas day there!! We went over there last year and the whole family was there (OH'S two sister's & husbands, plus the 7 kids they have between them) and it was horrible! My LO hardly got to open any of her presents coz some of the other kids just dived in & started opening them for her, the place was a tip, there was no where to sit, etc. I've told OH there is no way I'm doing that this year, I'll be 22 weeks by then and don't want to be standing on my feet all day, surrounded by eight kids in total, in the midst of a load of mess! Plus, my brother is away in Egypt as part of his Uni degree in Languages, and is coming home for a week at xmas, obviously I want to see him, so I've told OH he can firmly tell his mum that this year, we're spending the day at my parents!

Sorry for the longwinded reply, hope that didn't bore you to tears and was of some help!

 

[nazmomi]

Maybe you could tell her that your memories of christmas with her fussing over you and doing all of the cooking etc are really specal to you and have been a fantastic part of your upbringing and you and your OH want to re create that in your own way for your daughter????

Might sound a little sugar coated but she would know that it wasnt because you dont want to be with her, just that your mummy now and you want to do things your way.

Won't be easy for you whatever you say but better you say it sooner rather than later

 

[trixipaws]

oh i forgot to update this thread- i told her nearly 2 weeks ago- she took it really well in fact she barely noticed i'd said it- however it was in the same fone conversation i told her i was pregnant again