miss her so much

[krystal&jack]

bit of a depressing post.. sorry

I lost my mam in March last year to lung cancer. It was all very quick. We only found out in early Jan that it was def cancer and at first told it was treatable, then after a few scans found it had pretty much spread everywhere. By time we found out it was terminal she only had couple of weeks left and she never knew, well i guess she did cos she wrote me a letter and wrote in her diary some things she wanted for her funeral, she even made a joke about wanting to wear the hat that she wore to my wedding but didn't think it would fit in coffin, lol thats just person she was.

Since finding out I was pregnant I found it so hard, every worry I had, scan, first kick, it was all quite painful just wishing she was here with me sharing it all.

Now I've had Jack it's become even more painful, he's so beautiful and she would have loved him so much. OH mum dotes on Jack but i find myself resenting her spending time cooing over him cos everytime I see it I think 'god that should be MY mam'. Know thats daft cos at same time i think it's great that she loves him so much and she's also a wonderful person who won fight against breast cancer. My dad killed himself year before my mam died (they weren't together) so I feel sad for Jack that he's gonna miss having his maternal grandparents around to watch him grow.

I'm sorry about the sad post I guess I just needed to get it off my chest and this is only place I could think of, don't like to bother OH cos I know he would just worry so much and I am really ok, I see lots of positives out of whats happened in my life and Jack is a little angel sent from heaven and I feel truly blessed to have him.

Anyway... thanks forum cos I feel loads better just for getting it off my chest

 

[beanie]

Ah hun, I can kind of empathise. I lost both my parents to cancer and when I was pregnant with Seren, and gave birth etc I really really missed them (not that I didn't before but it kinda brought it back to me that they should be here meeting their grandchild). As she has grown up, and her milestones have happened etc it still gets me. Seren is very close to her paternal grandparents and I am so grateful that she has such a fab set in those as she is missing out on my mum and dad. What kind of helps me is that I talk to her about them, I tell her that they would have loved her, that they look over her when she is asleep and tell her what they were like etc but I do still get upset and even angry. Its coming back again as I am pregnant with a second. It has also been hard as I realise I have no knowledge at all about how I was brought up, was I breastfed (a family friend has said I was but obviously I can't remember), what age was I when I did my firsts etc so it has made me more determined to log these details for Seren in case. Its a horrible situation but your parents would have been so proud of you. Your mum sounds like my mum, a very strong lady who never gave up but kept a sense of humour all the way. And they are great role models!!

 

[mrs_tommo22]

Im so sorry, i have lost a lot of family to cancer, i kno hoe you feel.


I dont speak to my mum so my kids loose out on maternal grand parents,through my choice.

Im sure your mother is very proud of you and all you have achieved and your beautiful son.

I think shs with you all the time

 

[clairescunny55]

sorry to hear that hun, just want to give you these

 

[SarahH]

I can totally sympathise with you hun. I lost my mum 5yrs ago to cancer and I miss her everyday. I still have a good ol' cry thinking about her at least once a week.
She missed all the happy occations in my life, the wedding, me buying my first home, the pregnancy and now of course her gorgeous granddaughter.

It is so so hard, but at the same time, I know she is always with me.

When I was in labour my Dad woke up at 2.20am as he hd a dream and all he saw in it was my mum smiling... he woke up and said he just paced the floor until Brian called him to say that Arianna was born..., she was born at 2.32am - it was almost as if my mum was trying to tel my dad that Arianna was on her way.

If you ever need to chat, please PM me.

 

[libs]

sorry hun - the only thing I can do is give you these

 

[tracyM]

I lost my mum last month and it's the silliest things that get to me. I miss her so much, but I've got used to the idea, and I don't cry when I think about that now. It's the things she's missing out on that I get most upset about.

On Friday we went for a walk after school down a little country lane to pick blackberries. Me, mum and Alex had been there a couple of days before she passed away, but there were only a few blackberries. On Friday, there were loads, and I got so upset that mum couldn't pick them with us. I couldn't pick any, and they're still there for mum to look after.

I'm sure our mums' are watching over us every second of every day. They live on in us and our children

 

[puppylove]

to you all

 

[krystal&jack]

thanks to everyone for your replies

TracyM - I'm so sorry, your loss must be very raw at moment hun.

Sarah H, i think your right, you mum was giving your dad a heads up on Arianna 's arrival, it's certainly a toucing thing if she did and I bet she was with u through every contraction

Beanie - I totally understand when you talk about not being able to ask things about your birth and when you were little, I'm kind of lucky as I have an early years book but my mam only got half way through, typical.. I have bought Jack a book and am determined to fill it all in. And even though he's only a baby I do talk about my mam to him and will definatey make sure I do as I get older.

Mrs Tommo - sorry to hear about people in your family.. The big C has a lot to answer for..

and to clairescunny55, libs and puppylove - thanks for the

Everyone right, i know my mam would be so proud as would each one of yours too. and if anyone ever needs a chat feel free to PM me anytime.

Thank you so much for taking time to reply and I do feel loads better

 

[katyk]

to krystal, and everyone.