How do I help him ?

[Lauren92]

This morning I woke up late, but my hubby wasn't in bed, so I went downstairs, and saw him sitting on the sofa just staring at the wall.

Just before I asked him what was wrong I realised today was the 6th.

His mother died one year ago today of a heart attack, and the worst bit is he didn't even get a chance to say goodbye, as she passed away 1 minute before he could get to the hospital

They were very close, but a few days before she died they had a fight, and he blames himself for her death...

I haven't been able to get a word out of him.

I made a cup of tea and he drank it, but he won't speak.

I don't know what to do to help him, he seems to have frozen up

 

[Esoames]

How sad poor guy. I find leaving them to think is best. Hover in the background and be there for when he needs you. My husband lost his dad and he does something similar, there is nothing I can say or do to ease the pain but I'm there when he needs me xxx

 

[nik106]

I don't have a lot of advice tbh, but i would say be there for him. Don't be intrusive about it, but make sure he knows you're there if he needs you. There isn't an awful lot you can do, let him lead you in what he needs from you. If doesn't talk to you, don't take it personally, today will be really hard for him, the same as all the other firsts he's done over the last year, such as the first christmas without her.

Things will likely get easier from here out, he'll never forget her and he will always love and miss her, but he no longer has to go through those firsts. My OH's dad died last April, so we've now done all those firsts without him, my OH deals with things differently, he gets short tempered and we had some almighty rows on those "special" days, this year it hasn't been like that, because he knows more of what to expect and how to feel, its not as raw as it was.

Sending you both lots of hugs

 

[Lauren92]

Thanks for the replies.

I kept myself busy by cleaning the kitchen, and when I was finished I went through to check he was OK (as OK as he could be), he was still sitting on the sofa, so I just quietly sat down next to him, and he gave me a long hug and broke down a bit.

I told him it was going to be OK, and he's in the bathroom now having a shower.

I'll make his tea, as he hasn't eaten at all today.

 

[nik106]

How's he doing today? Hopefully, he's feeling a tad better about things now he's had a chance to let a bit out and its not the anniversary

 

[Minchin]

Hi hon
Sounds like you were great. Before i got to the end of the thread I was gonna say, just try and give him a hug. That's all you can do. I lost my mum 16 years ago ( i cannot believe that it is that long now) very suddenly. Time does heal but those firsts are hard and birthdays anniversairies etc. still hard now xx