How am I supposed to feel

[lauramumof2]

I didnt put this in miscarriage and loss because some people might not go in and read it in there.

Im confused about wanting another baby. As some of you might know, I was due for sterlisation last november and was happy about that. The day before I found out I was pg and then in Jan I lost the baby.

I dont know where to go from here. Its nearly time the baby should have been due. Dh and I have spoke about it at length and he definately does not want another baby. I am not sure. I told him I was sure but then told him of my uncertainty. He says its really not a good idea and is going ahead with the snip.

I am really happy with my 2 but there is an overwhelming desire to be pregnant. I dont neccesarily think about after the pregnancy but I would love to be pregnant. Im on depo so im pretty much covered and would never get pg by accident.

What do you think? I just dont know, I feel as if my heart is ruling my head and deep down know another baby would be wrong for us.

 

[Noor~ul~Usman]

It's a very personal decision hun but if you're really not 100% maybe stick to contriception rather than getting anything permanent?

To be honest my mum did the same once me and my brother where in our teens and I never understood it. The way I see it is life is too unpredictable and who knows what I'll want in the future. There's too many unpredictables like if something really untoward happened to my (future) kids and later in life I decided I wanted more or maybe I'd want more anyway..
We've agreed 3 sounds a nice number but hey if I ended up with 4 or even 5 we'd find a way to manage and I'd love them all But that's just me hun....like I said it's a very personal thing.

 

[Xena]

I think that if you're not sure you need to think long and hard some more. Your DH needs to listen to you too and not go ahead with the snip, because it has to be a joint decision.

You need to sit down and talk about it more.


My DH also doesn't want any more, whereas I do, so we're not having any but he wouldn't do anything as final as have the snip because he might feel differently a few years down the line.

 

[lauramumof2]

I hear what you are both saying, its very final but up till I got pg I was adament that I definately didnt want anymore but being pg opened up a whole set of feelings. I think if I hadnt gotten pg and had went ahead with the sterilisation then I would be fine and getting on with things.

Its such a mess. DH really doesnt want anymore. If I did talk him round then I would be pressuring him into it and I dont want to have a baby under those circumstances.

If I dont, then he gets the snip and then what. As it is things arent great, im moody and im sure its that depo jag. Im going to end up resenting him if he gets it and I feel thats 2 faced as I was going to be sterilised.

I was hoping that as time went on my hormones would settle and I would be back where I was in November.
Im warbling now, if you reading this cant make sense of what I am on about then how am I supposed to work it out in my head.

 

[mamichuli]

Hunny, if there is really no danger of you getting pregnant by accident, why not wait a while before going for the "snip" ? Just ask your OH to wait a bit until you feel ready...there is really no hurry after all. The reason your feelings have changed, I suspect, are related to when you got pregnant by accident? You decided to go ahead with it, and although it was no doubt unconvenient, you knew you would find a way to have the baby and bring it up - one does under those circumstances. As a result, many of the reasons you gave yrself for sterilisation, economical, space, etc, have become less important and you can see a way round them - so why not?
I know that I am so glad I didnt have a hysterectomy after Vic, then my marriage broke up, I got together with Colin and last year we had little Ani. I cannot imagine life without her...life IS unpredictable. This is just my story, but you see what I mean, maybe in ten years you and OH may decide you do want another one...its just now that you dont.
Its a big decision, but not an urgent one, I suggest you just put the whole subject on the back burner for...a year maybe?



Lisa

 

[mamichuli]

Hunny, if there is really no danger of you getting pregnant by accident, why not wait a while before going for the "snip" ? Just ask your OH to wait a bit until you feel ready...there is really no hurry after all. The reason your feelings have changed, I suspect, are related to when you got pregnant by accident? You decided to go ahead with it, and although it was no doubt unconvenient, you knew you would find a way to have the baby and bring it up - one does under those circumstances. As a result, many of the reasons you gave yrself for sterilisation, economical, space, etc, have become less important and you can see a way round them - so why not?
I know that I am so glad I didnt have a hysterectomy after Vic, then my marriage broke up, I got together with Colin and last year we had little Ani. I cannot imagine life without her...life IS unpredictable. This is just my story, but you see what I mean, maybe in ten years you and OH may decide you do want another one...its just now that you dont.
Its a big decision, but not an urgent one, I suggest you just put the whole subject on the back burner for...a year maybe?



Lisa

 

[mamichuli]

By the way, when I had my daughter Jessica in 1992, i only wanted one child...then in 98 I had an accident, we named him Victor and i CERTAINLY didnt want any more.
Then in my relationship with Colin i wanted to have a child in common; i had lil Ani .
Here I am in 2008 with three kids rather than the one I had in mind in 92!
Oh now I am 42....AND I DONT WANT ANY MORE

Lisa