Ho hum, dilemma of sorts

[Sherlock]

My husband is Australian and most of his family are of course living over there. My family are mostly here, but some are in Spain as Spanish. Anyways, hubby called his mother this morning. She is I think missing him a lot right now and as its close to baby due date and so on its added to it. His brother is also overseas living in Thailand so she has neither of her sons back home.

She apparently annoyed him slightly this morning as she said why had we not told her and the family there what we needed for baby and had gone and bought it ourselves already We should have apparently told them we wanted stuff and let them buy things. Now neither hubby nor I presumed anyone wanted to buy us anything and we simply waited to see if anyone offered and as no one really did, we went out and bought the things we needed for when LO arrives. We didn't do it to spite any of them but simply we needed these things and could not leave it any longer. I was kind of hoping that family over there would offer in advance of Bump's arrival if they wished. It would have been great and helped us out, but never would I have asked for money or given them a list without them saying something first.

So now we are a bit stuck. We have everything we need for now. My parents bought us lots and I've told them to not buy anymore bless 'em. We don't want clothes as we have all we need and tbh don't know anyone with any small children so won't be getting hand me downs. Nor will we be inundated with clothes once Bump arrives. Our social circle is not that big which is fine by us.

But do I make a list and send it to them now? The things we need we don't actually want right now, nor for the foreseeable future. Highchair, play pen and so on. Tbh thought I'm not sure I want to get it now and have it cluttering up the place unused for months. Or should I ask for money to cover some of the things we've already bought? Or money and put it in a savings account till we need to buy the stuff? Hubby said make a list and he will post it to his blog and leave it to them. I can make a list of small items to more pricey ones so maybe that would work.

Thoughts?

 

[Suzie and Faith]

Ooh that is a bit awkward. My OH's mum did something similar. She was the only one to come to the baby shower without a present (it didn't bother us) but then she blamed it on us not telling her what we wanted before we bought it ourselves - yet she'd never mentioned it!!

I'd write a small list, maybe of the smaller things you will need in the future (not sure what though really). Do you have a baby sling? (do you want one?) or some pram toys... or, actually i'm really no use!

Maybe you could suggest money for a savings account for the baby...

Sorry i'm not much help, have some

 

[Happybunny]

Hmmmm, tricky.
I was in a similar-ish situation a few weeks ago. My friends decided to have a baby shower for me -very sweet of them and wanted to know what I needed. But like you, I didn't need anything for when LO arrives as we have it all sorted.
In the end I made a list of things (cheap to more expensive) of more useful things for later on - weaning and safety things etc.
Maybe that is the way to go if they are so very keen to contribute.
How would they send the stuff to you? Would they order online and get it delivered?
Maybe money would be helpful if delivery was an issue.

 

[sazzylou]

Had exactly the same thing with my in-laws recently. My MIL is rather upset with me because ive already bought everything we need for the baby (actually finished buying everything weeks ago) The only thing she had to buy were fitted cotbed sheets (bubs will be in a moses basket first, bnut i like to be prepared) but then MIL didnt have a clue where o get them, what size to get or even really what they were ...then she went off on holiday so i bought them while she was away I didnt mean to annoy her, but with this being my 2nd baby, i know what im doing....and like you Sherlock, no one said to us that they wanted to buy anything for the baby until AFTER we already had everything!!

Ive just said to MIL and Fil that we probably have forgotten something (thats a lie, i know ive got everything ) so we'll let them know when the baby comes what we need. I honestly didnt know it would upset his mum so much if i bought everything i needed for my baby!!

She did end up buying us some cupboard locks and one of those things that sucks bogies out of baby's nose, so its not like she hasnt contributed

 

[Sherlock]

Hmmmm, tricky.
I was in a similar-ish situation a few weeks ago. My friends decided to have a baby shower for me -very sweet of them and wanted to know what I needed. But like you, I didn't need anything for when LO arrives as we have it all sorted.
In the end I made a list of things (cheap to more expensive) of more useful things for later on - weaning and safety things etc.
Maybe that is the way to go if they are so very keen to contribute.
How would they send the stuff to you? Would they order online and get it delivered?
Maybe money would be helpful if delivery was an issue.

If we post a list they can order and pay for it online from a UK store and have it shipped to us here, so delivery etc is not a problem. Just we have everything for the first 3-6 months really

I'm listing toys, highchair, playpen, weaning products and a quite a few other things and hopefully that will cover everything from £5 to £75. I don't like to put anything more expensive than this tbh.

No idea who is wanting to buy things, but obviously some people are Which is great, but having to think about things *now* that I won't need for 6 months is a bit of a brain strain. Who knows what we'll find we need then

 

[kalia]

At least they asked I suppose. OH's parents gave us money for cot and things so we made a 'thank you for my cot' card using the a scan photo. My mum and dad have bought us heaps of things (including paying for a built in wardrobe, border and carpets for baby's room, pushchair, carseat and a large quantity of money that means I can afford 3 months more off of work than I thought) but my dad got it into his head that he wanted to buy the cot too. I have told him on many occasions that OH's parents gave us money for this but he seems to have a mental block about it - he says he'll buy the cot, I say OH's parents gave us the money for it, repeat a week later So I've given in and let him pay for the cot too. I'm not complaining, he's very generous, I just hope the grandparents don't realise that they all paid for the cot!

It sounds like you have the same feelings as I do towards baby gifts - I don't want people cluttering up my house with things I don't want or need, I'd rather they didn't get anything if it's not something we want. So really what you want from them is either gift certificates (they could get you amazon certificates over the internet easily enough that you could use to buy a playpen or whatever when needed) or money. Maybe you could suggest that as baby has no needs now you'd rather they looked to his/her future and gave money for your baby's child trust fund?

 

[Sherlock]

Had exactly the same thing with my in-laws recently. My MIL is rather upset with me because ive already bought everything we need for the baby (actually finished buying everything weeks ago) The only thing she had to buy were fitted cotbed sheets (bubs will be in a moses basket first, bnut i like to be prepared) but then MIL didnt have a clue where o get them, what size to get or even really what they were ...then she went off on holiday so i bought them while she was away I didnt mean to annoy her, but with this being my 2nd baby, i know what im doing....and like you Sherlock, no one said to us that they wanted to buy anything for the baby until AFTER we already had everything!!
:

Oooo sheets for the cot and so on Good thinking Batman I shall list bedlinen for the cot as a priority. Had not worried about it as have moses basket to start.

And yup, we waited to see if anyone kindly offered but once I got to 34 weeks I said to hubby I didn't want to delay any longer on the things we needed so we got the lot then. We had already ordered the pram/buggy and had a cot and clothes, we just needed the rest. Now I am 36 weeks we find out they want to get us stuff

My list is pretty long now but hopefully they will get us the things on it I'd really like to have.

 

[Sherlock]

It sounds like you have the same feelings as I do towards baby gifts - I don't want people cluttering up my house with things I don't want or need, I'd rather they didn't get anything if it's not something we want. So really what you want from them is either gift certificates (they could get you amazon certificates over the internet easily enough that you could use to buy a playpen or whatever when needed) or money. Maybe you could suggest that as baby has no needs now you'd rather they looked to his/her future and gave money for your baby's child trust fund?

I am I suppose. I don't want to sound ungrateful, I'm not, and I'm more than happy they wish to get us things, but yes, I'd rather it was things we want/need and that we like over things they might think we will like I've looked after so many kids and seen so much stuff bought that is never used or is played with once and never touched again I really want to be careful with what we have here. Plus our house is not huge so I don't have masses of space to store loads of things, so would rather be practical and have a priority list.

Trust fund is in the works via my parents bless em. They have been brillant and I've really had to say to them to stop spending money now. Repeatedly But this is their first grandchild so they are so excited. Not that OH's parents are not, but I think us being here nearer my parents has made it easier for them to contribute as we have gone along. I don't want to leave the Australian family out of it all though.

I'm compiling a list of things now, bedding for the cot, toys for 0-1 year old, playpen etc, so hopefully if I list it in priority order people will be happy to get the things we will really need for LO and get use out of in these early days.

 

[Ginnymarie]

hello

oh tricky one Sherlock, why can't these things ever be simple. They could have bought you something so much earlier.
My sister in law was miffed there was nothing left to buy, I am an organised person imagine leaving everything until 38 weeks!
Cot sheets or stuff for later sounds like a plan tho and the girls have given good advice, can't think of anything else. Gift vouchers would be good, for toys...books later on
x

 

[Suzie and Faith]

BEDDING!
thanks for that! I've just remembered i need some more sheets - yay. And as for cot bedding, we have none! Then again we don't have anywhere to put a cot...

It is hard when people buy you things, I'm fussy, and i've loved choosing most of my stuff, and especially the big stuff, myself. I've got exactly what i wanted which is good

TBH my mum can't afford to help out and pay for or buy anything and she couldn't wither her previous 6 grandchildren either so it'd be unfair for her to anyway.

 

[muppetmummy]

It's not your fault if the inlaws haven't mentioned it before.
My inlaws haven't mentioned buying us anything, and there's no way we'd ask them. It seems a bit rude to ask people for stuff when they haven't asked.
My parents said they wanted to buy the baby something, and asked what we'd like, so we told them.

I think either asking for items you'll need in the future, or asking them to donate to the babys trust fund is a good idea

 

[Sherlock]

It's not your fault if the inlaws haven't mentioned it before.
My inlaws haven't mentioned buying us anything, and there's no way we'd ask them. It seems a bit rude to ask people for stuff when they haven't asked.
My parents said they wanted to buy the baby something, and asked what we'd like, so we told them.

I think either asking for items you'll need in the future, or asking them to donate to the babys trust fund is a good idea

Its frustrating though We really could have done with help buying some of the things, but as no one came forward and offered, we just got on with it. Now with only a few weeks to go we find out this But I'd never have wanted to leave it this late buying the main things anyways. I'd be in a total panic shopping at 36 weeks plus. My worst nightmare leaving it till then and shopping for the lot.

I've made a list of things for the future now. Hubby is going to sift through it and post it to his blog for them. I even chucked in a change bag and a Doomoo seat in case people want to give us something more substantial than a set of sheets or a baby cutlery.

And BabyBee - bedding and sheets are always good

 

[Charlie:-)]

Why not explain that you have bought everything you need so far but there will be things you need in the future, write a list of the stuff and give people the option of either buying it for you or sending the money so you can buy it when you need it.

 

[debecca]

I've only just seen this but oh my goodness we've had exactly the same

Lots of family and friends are miffed that we bought everything and got organised so early because they had been wanting to get us stuff but hadn't thought to mention it...

I guess it depends on your relationship with the people involved. The in-laws were very happy to pay us back for the cot retrospectively and 'pretend' they'd got it (because they were happy that we'd chosen it anyway) but my Grandma was really mardy at giving us money. Knowing her miserable outlook on life she probably thinks we'd go out and spend it on heroin or something. Anyway we've told her she can get us a highchair but like you I can't be bothered to store it for months

Anyway as far as I'm concerned if we've got everything we need then that's the important thing and they can all sod off. But I'm not in a good mood today

 

[fuffins1981]

Why not explain that you have bought everything you need so far but there will be things you need in the future, write a list of the stuff and give people the option of either buying it for you or sending the money so you can buy it when you need it.

This is what I would have said too. Also, I think you could do with some money to cover the cost of some of the things you already bought. Then there may be things you need on a list. So, give them two choices.

Also, might be good to make a wishlist where you give the link to exact thhings you would like. This means you wont end up with things that are not to your taste. MIL often have differing taste to the rest of the female population lol

 

[Tillytots]

aww they left it a tad late in the day but better late than never. You baby will always need things, they grow so fast so effectively you could make a new need list every month or so Id make a list of the things like high chair, play pen etc like you said. Im not sure what you plan to use on babies bottom but nappies will always be needed

Im sure she will understand that at 36 weeks you are going to be organised and have everything that baby needs immeadiately.

xx