Hey all sorry not to have been about but ive been trying to find the words what to put and im always struggling to try and do so so here goes but please bear with me
The saturday i went into the hospital for my MM i was taken to a side room where we were settled in and they took my obs and then we were greeted by my nurse for the day whom was really nice and very understanding of it all. She explained to me that what was going to happen and said what we may experience during this time. A litttle while later she was back with the doctor who then inserted sorry if (tmi) these 4 tablet like things which would then soften up my cervix and get things moving. I was then left to rest on the bed for an hour for them to take ant effect but if at all i needed the loo to use a bed pan so they could monitor what was coming away
Tbh the tablets werent taking much of an effect apart from giving me mild cramp like pains. I was lucky enough to have both my partner and a very good friend who were both brilliant during this time. 3hrs after having thr tablets inserted nothing was really taking effect so they gave me 2 more which should start things going. These were horrendous and giving me such bad pains they seemed to work almost right away. It was horrid i then began to pass really big clots which were ever so painful ive known nothing like it After several times of this happening the pains began to get really intense and finally after passing loads (i mean laods) of clots and blood i finaly passed my little angel which was the most upsetting thing ive ever done. Then this is where it seemed to get worse as i didnt pass the placenta right after the nurse told me to go rest on the bed and it should pass within 10 minutes but nothing happened and again the pain was horrid. So the doctor was called to assess the situation and the both decided that the only way was to manualy try and remove it. I was getting drugged up to the max by then as i couldnt bear it all any more and was not with it at all let alone being really hysterical. After 3 attempts and really bad blood loss inbetween tthe doctor said if after the 4th attempt it didnt work i would have needed to go to theatre to have it removed. But again she tried and it was all hurting so so much and the blood was just gushing away it finaly come away. And then it all became real that the life that was once growing inside had finaly gone 
Normaly most patients are sent home the same day but the blood loss was quite bad (thankfuly i didnt need a transfusion) that i had to be kept in and needed to be given +++ amounts of a saline drip put into me. Sunday seemed to come round as quick and it was all a mix of emotions i didnt quite know where to put myself. But for me the worse part was to come we were greeted by the doctr who was then talking about having a Post Mortem carried out and also what type of service were we wishing to carry out either of a burial or cremation to still even try and say this or describe what was going through my mind at this point hurts me so so much. Im sorry if im sitting here making this all to long reading but i need to say to try and help ease things a little. The day after was a wash of being pulled and prodded and more pain relief and more saline drips and more and more questions from doctors , nurses the hospital chaplain i couldnt quite take it all in. After being messed about with so much this all sent my water works haywire and i was inserted with a catheter as i then wasnt able to pass urine myselfy as my bladder got so full that each time nothing would come. And i felt so embarrassed that i wasnt able to help myself and the nurses were cleaning me up and helping me do the basic things i should be able to do for myself but all my strength seemed to have gone. So here again was another night i was kept in. The same night after needing the toilet that o completely passed out and knew nothing until the nurses were there and helping me into bed. All i could think about was what did i do that was so wrong to make me deserve this. So monday come round still i had the drip more pain killers more questions more pulling around so much so i felt like a piece of meat and during this time i wasnt able to eat or drink and i was so weak i just couldnt take anymore. Forgetting to say that the sunday afternoon after hubby had gone home i was able to see bubs and have my time alone and there in the basket was this little life that had began to grow and form but for some reason life decided that his/her time on this earth just wasnt meant to be and to say the worst part of it all was having to say goodbye which broke my heart Eventualy after being kept in until tuesday i was allowed home with pain killers and anti sickness tabs to try and keep that at bay and also as i still cant even now wee properly im having to catheterise (sp) myself and empty my bladder which needs to bee done near enough every 3 hrs to stop it from getting over full and making it worse. Anyhow after talks with the doctor we decided to have a PM done to try and find some answers as to what may have been and also the same with the chaplain as regards with arrangements and bubs will have a communial burial in a plot in a place called Colney Woods near us when they have carried this out we will be informed as to where this place will be so we then can go and visit and take flowers etc. But we have been reassured its a nice place in the woods and that its surrounded by pretty flowers and sorts and how he/she shall not be alone in the fact that they will be with all the other lost babies.
2 weeks on and im still finding it incredibly hard to try and cope with things im a little better than i was but all i think about each and everyday was what could have been. We now have a long wait until the 22nd of august until we recieve the PM results and will also get the medical illustrated photo's of little one. I just know bewtween now and then its going to be the longest wait of our lives Weve both decided though that we would like to ttc again but properly given a little time to let ourselves get over this.
Im sorry if ive gone on in anyway at all but as i say it helps me so much to try and put into words what has happened and how im feeling. It gives me some reassurance that i have all you wonderful ladies to take time and listen.
Thank You all so much again
Love to you all
Candy (Flossy82)
xxxxxx
The saturday i went into the hospital for my MM i was taken to a side room where we were settled in and they took my obs and then we were greeted by my nurse for the day whom was really nice and very understanding of it all. She explained to me that what was going to happen and said what we may experience during this time. A litttle while later she was back with the doctor who then inserted sorry if (tmi) these 4 tablet like things which would then soften up my cervix and get things moving. I was then left to rest on the bed for an hour for them to take ant effect but if at all i needed the loo to use a bed pan so they could monitor what was coming away
Tbh the tablets werent taking much of an effect apart from giving me mild cramp like pains. I was lucky enough to have both my partner and a very good friend who were both brilliant during this time. 3hrs after having thr tablets inserted nothing was really taking effect so they gave me 2 more which should start things going. These were horrendous and giving me such bad pains they seemed to work almost right away. It was horrid i then began to pass really big clots which were ever so painful ive known nothing like it After several times of this happening the pains began to get really intense and finally after passing loads (i mean laods) of clots and blood i finaly passed my little angel which was the most upsetting thing ive ever done. Then this is where it seemed to get worse as i didnt pass the placenta right after the nurse told me to go rest on the bed and it should pass within 10 minutes but nothing happened and again the pain was horrid. So the doctor was called to assess the situation and the both decided that the only way was to manualy try and remove it. I was getting drugged up to the max by then as i couldnt bear it all any more and was not with it at all let alone being really hysterical. After 3 attempts and really bad blood loss inbetween tthe doctor said if after the 4th attempt it didnt work i would have needed to go to theatre to have it removed. But again she tried and it was all hurting so so much and the blood was just gushing away it finaly come away. And then it all became real that the life that was once growing inside had finaly gone Normaly most patients are sent home the same day but the blood loss was quite bad (thankfuly i didnt need a transfusion) that i had to be kept in and needed to be given +++ amounts of a saline drip put into me. Sunday seemed to come round as quick and it was all a mix of emotions i didnt quite know where to put myself. But for me the worse part was to come we were greeted by the doctr who was then talking about having a Post Mortem carried out and also what type of service were we wishing to carry out either of a burial or cremation to still even try and say this or describe what was going through my mind at this point hurts me so so much. Im sorry if im sitting here making this all to long reading but i need to say to try and help ease things a little. The day after was a wash of being pulled and prodded and more pain relief and more saline drips and more and more questions from doctors , nurses the hospital chaplain i couldnt quite take it all in. After being messed about with so much this all sent my water works haywire and i was inserted with a catheter as i then wasnt able to pass urine myselfy as my bladder got so full that each time nothing would come. And i felt so embarrassed that i wasnt able to help myself and the nurses were cleaning me up and helping me do the basic things i should be able to do for myself but all my strength seemed to have gone. So here again was another night i was kept in. The same night after needing the toilet that o completely passed out and knew nothing until the nurses were there and helping me into bed. All i could think about was what did i do that was so wrong to make me deserve this. So monday come round still i had the drip more pain killers more questions more pulling around so much so i felt like a piece of meat and during this time i wasnt able to eat or drink and i was so weak i just couldnt take anymore. Forgetting to say that the sunday afternoon after hubby had gone home i was able to see bubs and have my time alone and there in the basket was this little life that had began to grow and form but for some reason life decided that his/her time on this earth just wasnt meant to be and to say the worst part of it all was having to say goodbye which broke my heart Eventualy after being kept in until tuesday i was allowed home with pain killers and anti sickness tabs to try and keep that at bay and also as i still cant even now wee properly im having to catheterise (sp) myself and empty my bladder which needs to bee done near enough every 3 hrs to stop it from getting over full and making it worse. Anyhow after talks with the doctor we decided to have a PM done to try and find some answers as to what may have been and also the same with the chaplain as regards with arrangements and bubs will have a communial burial in a plot in a place called Colney Woods near us when they have carried this out we will be informed as to where this place will be so we then can go and visit and take flowers etc. But we have been reassured its a nice place in the woods and that its surrounded by pretty flowers and sorts and how he/she shall not be alone in the fact that they will be with all the other lost babies.2 weeks on and im still finding it incredibly hard to try and cope with things im a little better than i was but all i think about each and everyday was what could have been. We now have a long wait until the 22nd of august until we recieve the PM results and will also get the medical illustrated photo's of little one. I just know bewtween now and then its going to be the longest wait of our lives
Weve both decided though that we would like to ttc again but properly given a little time to let ourselves get over this.Im sorry if ive gone on in anyway at all but as i say it helps me so much to try and put into words what has happened and how im feeling. It gives me some reassurance that i have all you wonderful ladies to take time and listen.
Thank You all so much again
Love to you all
Candy (Flossy82)
xxxxxx
