Help needed with feeling lonely!

[Hunnie]

Im 18 and a first time mum and Im due to give birth to a baby girl in early January 2012. Ive had a really tough pregnancy so far with my morning sickness still making a constant appearance at 22 weeks and even though the baby's father (my partner) is around for me I still cant help with feeling so alone through all of this and completely not the same person that I was before all this happened to me! I realise I am lucky to have my partner with me through all of this but he's a man and seriously, when do men ever really get what us women are really going on about? He's good for venting my emotions to but he never really has any advice to give back thats truly helpful (or what I wanted to hear )

Being a young mum to be none of my other friends are going through the same thing as I am doing and are nowhere near close of being able to understand what Im going through. My morning sickness in the early weeks prevented me from being able to go into college which meant I haven't seen any of the other girls in nearly 5 months. Im due to go back this week to complete my last year but I just dread the fact that all they will talk to me about is babies and none of the normal conversations we used to have . I cant help but feel like I dont want to be treated as the girl with the "bump"?! I just want to be me again to them. Is that normal?

Ive also noticed where I keep my horses, all one of the women that also stables there keeps doing is making comments whilst Im doing my chores such as "oh be careful!" to even the simplest of things like picking up an empty bucket or a brush. I know she only means well and is genuinely caring for both mine and the babies health but I seriously feel like turning round and telling her that Im pregnant, not ill!! I think I may just being hormonal but she doesnt seem to say anything else to me other than these what seem to me as patronising statements and we always used to have decent conversations before!

I also have the problem that I feel one of my closest friends isnt happy with the pregnancy at all. When I first found out that I was expecting, her first words were to me were to think about getting a termination. She has always been a really good friend but since I didnt take her advice it just seems like she doesnt want to bother with me anymore and doesnt seem to make much effort when it comes to talking to me or meeting me. I feel like I have some infectious disease! She has previously experienced pregnancy but chose to abort her baby and I cant help but feel that she is maybe jealous of my baby because she wasnt able to keep hers or feels like she cant be around me because it still makes her sad to think about it?

I wrote this more as a bit of a blurt out to get all my feelings out in the open but could really do with people's own experiences on how they have coped with these feelings.

I know I had to expect a lot of changes in my life when it comes to being a mum, I just didnt expect these changes to involve the people around me who I thought were supposed to be good friends

 

[nik106]

I can't offer a lot of advice, since i haven't really been in the same situation, but i wanted to offer you some and welcome you to the site. The girls are really friendly on here and i'm sure someone will be around to offer some support.

I won't be around for a few days as i'm off to be induced tomorrow, but once i'm home in a few days, feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat, i'm usually around quite a lot, even if i'm not posting

 

[Sarah13]

Hi welcome to the forum, you've come to the right place for a good vent, although Im classed as an old mum unlike you, but there's always someone who is in the same position and can offer advice or sympathy! Know where your coming from about people suddenly just talk to you about babies or telling you to be careful! You should see some of the disapproving looks I get at the gym now it's obvious I'm pregnant! I just change the subject when I'm bored of baby talk and ask people what they have been up to etc, everyone always asks the same questions and it does get a bit dull sometimes, it's like your just an incubator and don't have another life going on sometimes!

 

[Hunnie]

Good luck tomorrow Nik xx

I dont really know what I want out of people at all at the minute. Im pretty hypocritical really as sometimes Im all too happy to talk babies but then other times I have no interest at all and it's not other people's fault as they cant read my mind and know what Im thinking or feeling. I think its probably just my mood swings as now that Ive vented my feelings I feel completely happy again but Im definitely glad to have found this forum already!

I have one friend who is absolutely brilliant and never brings up anything baby related (she isnt a fan of children at all and not maternal in the slightest) and we still have all the conversations that we always have done without the slightest mention of a baby grow. I think Im just more hung up on this particular friend who I seem to have lost completely

On the brighter side of things I am thinking of attending a few of the local pre-natal classes. Slightly nervous though as I wont know anyone there and my partner wont be able to come with me because of the hours he works (which seems to be all day every day lol!)

 

[Lilelephant]

Hey welcome to pf!
Congrats on ur little girl!!
I am sorry ur feeling down I don't really have any experience with ur situation apart from my best friend had her first baby at 18 also still at college. I remember her saying about ppl at college staring and stuff! We used to have weekly trips out to the cinema or for a pizza something unrelated and normal! Maybe just ask a friend if they want to go out that way and tell them one rule is no baby talk!
My friend is the most wonderful mum and I am sure you will be too.

 

[BabyBrain]

Aaawww I think it's perfectly normal for a young mum to feel like this. My best friend at school got pregnant at 16 and she felt the same too, she said all anyone talked about was baby baby baby and it drove her mad. Just when everyone was going off to college or going out clubbing she couldn't even see her feet lol.
When you go back to college designate a baby-free day, get a T shirt printed or something and ban anyone from talking about it. Arrange to meet up with your friends in the canteen or something and explain to them how you are feeling, even if they don't understand it through personal experience they may have friends or relatives outside of college who are going through the same thing. Many people just need a gentle reminder that you are still you.
Good luck and well done for going back to college xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[youngmummyd]

hi im 18 too and due in november with my first. I know how lonely it can be when your friends dont understand! good for you going back to college though i left school in feb before finishing my alevels due to morning sickness but going to try finish them after baby. If you ever want to chat about anything feel free to message me. hope your feeling a bit happier babe xx

 

[Welshy1]

I've been lucky to discover the ladies on here are very very helpfull and supportive!

Am sure any time you log on here, for advice or just a chat there will be someone here for you to turn to.

xx

 

[Sassysugar]

Hi and welcome to the site

I had horrible morning sickness, I was so happy when it finally eased at around 23 weeks. I would throw up every morning and used to take me ages to pull myself together at work.

I have a horse too, I still go up and poo pick her field every day (for non horsey people it sounds worse than it is ) and give her a brush over and make sure she is ok. I do struggle with a full wheel barrow so I just rope my OH in to help me. She's out full time which makes it easier. Can't wait to get back on again!!!

It can feel lonely (I've been off on maternity for a while) and don't know an awful lot of people where I live, but everyone is lovely on here! It's good to get involved in local classes, I started going to aquanatal classes and met some lovely girls who are due within a couple of months of me.

 

[Bee7]

Bless you hun i've found that pregnancy can be a really scary and lonely time, especially when you don't have anyone to talk to. I'm lucky that my family have been very supportive but like you, my friends are all a bit weirded out by my pregnancy and go from either being excited one minute to treating me like some tragic sadcase who's life is over the next.

My OH and i have a pretty rocky relationship at the moment. Baby was conceived during a time when we weren't actually 'together' so at the moment everything is all a little uncertain, although he's very happy and enthusiastic about the news and seems to think it automatically fixes all of our problems. If we can sort things out in the next few months then i guess we'll be a family. If not, i'm not going to force it and i'll have to do it alone. You said your OH is being supportive though, so that's a good a thing.

I'm 24 so you're younger than me and even i feel very young, vulnerable and scared at the moment. This is what forums like this are meant for. There's so much support, advice and personal experience on this forum that if ever you feel alone you should definitely come on for a chat. I only joined a few days ago and already it's become a huge comfort to me. It's good to have people to talk to, especially when those around you aren't that understanding.

Keep your chin up hun. People are bound to want to talk about your pregnancy. People are bound to fuss. People are bound to act differently around you. It's all part of your life changing. But i'm sure you'll get used to it and learn to adapt....if not you can always come here for a big old rant! xxxxxx

 

[little]

Massive hugs coming your way hun, a couple of women at my yard are exactly the same- I find it funny that although they lecture me on being careful, they dont offer to help out in any way or offer to help me with my horses!!!

 

[Hunnie]

First day back at college went really well and I realised just how much I have missed it. All the girls were lovely and we had a little natter about the baby but that seems to be it now and we talk about other things!

Had a little bit of a downer today though which has seriously just made me feel like crying and really got me down (not exactly hard at the minute with the hormones but still). I text the supposed to be close friend today asking how her day had been and what she had been doing, got a nice reply and she asked how mine had also gone. I text her back saying Id had a really good day at college and was all excited about filling in my UCAS forms ready for applying for Unis studying nursing next year.

She just replied saying that I wouldnt be going to uni with a laughing smilie at the end. Ive never felt so shot down before and it really dampened my mood. I would never have thought someone who is meant to be a good friend would say something like that . I replied saying that Im intending to go next september and her reply was just "good for you." I dont really know how to take her anymore at all !

 

[Bee7]

Sounds like she's a little jealous to me hun. You're having a baby but you're also trying to further your education/career too which is a really admirable thing to do. Often people find themselves comparing and competing against those who are closest to them, i know i've done it with my friends. Not in a malicious way, it's just natural. She's obviously got a bee in her bonnett about something though and really should be more supportive towards you. Have you tried asking her what her problem is? In a nicer way than that obviously lol. You might just need a little heart to heart to clear the air xx

 

[BevG]

im just starting a 2 yr college course and will be doing ucas stuff in december even tho i wont be going for a couple of years as the course is 1 yr full time and 2 yrs part time so the ft ppl do ucas in dec and i wanna get as much of it done as poss so its ready for when i do apply. its called being prepared. your friend is just being dumb and weird

 

[JoJo79]

Hi and welcome also

I was 20 when i had my eldest so a little older than you but still the 1st of my friends to go through it, they didnt really get where i was in my life either!

Personally id just be honest and tell them if you dont feel like talking baby all the time,

Hunni im onto my 3rd and dont wanna talk about it!!!

Like the other ladies have said we are here for you any time
9and you'll prob find one of us on here most of the time day or night lol) xx

 

[Hunnie]

I did think about tackling her there and then as to why she said it but she's very much the type of person who generally thinks they are right in anything that happens/involves her . The last thing I need at the minute I think is for her to fall out with me and then go and right some childish and upsetting status on facebook and cause me to get more upset and angry . I think I'm just going to not bother now and carry on with the friends that do actually care or at least for now and maybe forgive her at a later date when Im not as easily affected by things.

Good luck with your course BevG, what is it you are looking to do?
Just been talking to my mum about it all and asked what she thought about me managing to complete the full time course and have a baby. She thinks yes it will be difficult but Ill manage to do it. Im very lucky to have such good support from both his and my family.

 

[BevG]

im doing acess to social science and health professions. gonna go into nursing at uni after that. im doing part time cos i work full time so couldnt fit it all in and now im pg too, i didnt even think of quitting and i knew i was pg before starting the course but after applying for it so i could have not dont it but i figure if u want something you have to go for it and make it happen and being pg isnt any reason you cant do something like that.

 

[Hunnie]

Ive always intended to go to uni too but I was thinking of deferring for a year and going into 2013 instead so I had a year with the baby but realised I need to get qualified sooner so I can start earning and contributing as well to the house and our little family x

 

[suzzi]

ah bless you hun, its a bit overwhelming 1st time and all, im sure the lovely ladies on here can give you some good advice and some laughs along the way.

men dont get it at all they dont get the hormones the emotions how you feel as your body changes its like it dont hit them till there is a baby to look at.

i have horses to and my mum goes on at me about doing to much, ive just stopped riding my horse but im still doing the poo picking and putting hay in the fields, luckily i dont have to worry about mucking out as mine live out, but i go with how my body feels if i feel ok doing these things i do them if im tired i stop.

as for your friends well welcome to some new ones!! ask on here for anyone who lives in your area and is around the same stage of pregnancy they may know of some coffee mornings or aqua aerobic classes so you get to meet new people x x

try not to dwell on the negative, i know its hard sometimes, but you have a great adventure ahead of you and were all along for the ride.

chin up chick xxxxxxxx