Heartbroken

[Weeza]

Had an early scan after some bleeding yesterday. All she saw was a black blob that was a sac measuring 5 weeks when I should be almost 9.

She took bloods and needs to take more tomorrow to see what my hormones are doing.

She told me that it isn't looking promising at all so I have been dealing with the fact I have miscarried. I cannot think of an possible chance it could be a positive outcome.

I am in pieces, I wanted this baby so much and although I have spent the last few weeks thinking something isn't quite right it is still hard to take.

I started bleeding heavier after the scan yesterday and there was a lot of fresh blood this morning but no pains yet. I want it to be over I don't want to be worrying about it for days

I can only hope that if I get pregnant again everything will work out okay.

I run my own small business from home and am now struggling to work as I cannot concentrate but I am letting people down so I am feeling totally rubbish at the moment. Keep bursting into tears. How do you manage to keep your mind off it?

 

[MrsG81]

Oh hunnie I am so sorry (((hugs)))

 

[Allthingsgirly]

Honey I am so so sorry to hear this I can't even begin to imagine how difficult this is for you right now I can only imagine! My heart breaks for you it really does.

Take some time for yourself if you can forget about work for the rest of the day/week even you need to allow yourself time to grief I don't think it is something you will ever get over but just come to terms with if that makes sense? Have you got anybody with you or anyone you could call just so your not alone?

 

[Weeza]

My boyfriend has gone to work today so I am on my own today. I only told one friend but she is at work today.

The problem is I can't just take days off, I am so behind with my orders - I make dog collars and pet items - and have overrun on turnaround times already. It makes me feel even worse.

I also think I should get things done before I get serious pains where I can't move or do anything.

All I want is to be pregnant, I will end up driving myself crazy which isn't good. I think I need to take a couple months to chill and go back to normal before trying.

It just makes you feel so awful doesn't it, I feel I did something wrong, my body failed. I know the reality is it probably wasn't a healthy pregnancy from the start but what if my being overweight caused the problem.

 

[Allthingsgirly]

Honey don't feel like anything is your fault sometimes these things happen & we don't know why they just do. I went threw this with a friend of mine she was about 1-2 weeks so not very fair along but still she had to go threw all the heartbreak & everything else that went with it, going threw that with someone is truly heartbreaking.

You need to give yourself some time though honey keeping busy though can also be a good thing but if your behind on orders so what (I don't mean this in a negative way at all) maybe a generic email to customers telling them you've had a personal issue or something surely people should understand but I can understand that it is your business so you want to keep going.

Can your OH not come home from work? Did his work know?

Have they said if they will do tests (I don't know how to say it without being unkind and I would hate to put you under anymore upset) to see if they can tell you the cause? My friend passed a clot & they sent it away for examination but I don't know if she ever followed up & found out.

Your weight shouldn't have anything to do with this their are plenty of bigger lovely ladies out there getting pregnant & having healthy babies so don't blame yourself - I would class myself as a larger lady even though I don't look noticeably pregnant & I've had no issues so when you're up for trying again just know that you can have a healthy pregnancy.

 

[Weeza]

I just don't want people to be annoyed I guess, I just worry they will think a personal issue isn't a good excuse.

He hadn't told his work and I said I didn't want him to. He works for the fire service and can't really just have a day off as it leaves them one person short. Thing is even if he was here I don't know what we would do and if it would make me feel any better. He hates to see me cry.

I have another blood test tomorrow to see what my hormones are doing, thing is up until I went in yesterday morning I had only had a bit of blood it wasn't until I got back from the scan it got heavier and today it is even more so. I will tell them this when I go in tomorrow.

All she said when she rang with hormone levels is that if they have gone down tomorrow she will just leave me alone and tell me to take a home test in a week or so to check when hormones have gone. If it still goes up she said they will need me to come for another scan in a week.

I guess it is just a worry as the midwife pointed out I need extra checks and things because of my weight so it just makes you worry even more doesn't it that it is my fault

 

[summer15]

So sorry for what you are going through. I was in a very similar position to you a week ago, I discovered that my pregnancy wasn't viable before my body actually 'let it go' I miscarried naturally 2 days after I had it confirmed that my HCG levels were dropping. As devastated as I was after the actual miscarriage I personally found the 'waiting for it to happen' much harder to deal with. I strongly recommend you stop working (I know you are worried about orders) but these are extenuating circumstances and you need to be as comfortable and stress free as possible - for me that was cuddled up on the sofa in my pj's with some dairy milk and 'friends' on the tv (for about 3 days!) make sure someone is on hand to be with you - either partner or a friend, particularly if you start experiencing pain/cramps - just incase - it's not a nice time to be alone.
Secondly you must not blame yourself, you mentioned your weight issues but there's nothing to suggest that it had anything to do with it. I'm perfectly healthy, 25, non-smoker / non-drinker / always get my 5-a-day + prenatal vitamins and it happened to me too. Sometimes it's just a faulty egg or sperm. This is a horrible horrible time and you will go through so many emotions, please don't add guilt to the mix. If you want to talk - there are so many lovely supportive ladies on here, or you are very welcome to pm me. It's such a horrible time and I know you need to be strong but you also need to be selfish - put yourself first, people are more understanding than you think xxx

 

[Lolie14]

Please don't blame yourself, try and take some comfort in your body knowing that the pregnancy wasn't viable. This really helped me.

It does get better, it really does. I found it eased by telling people, family and friends. It allowed me to talk about my baby and all the plans we had for it.

I also run my own business and took 3 weeks off to deal with everything. I sent private messages and emails to all the customers who were waiting on orders to explain the situation and I got amazing support from them all. When I did send their orders they all said they would have waited a lot longer.

Take care of yourself and allow time to grieve.

 

[laurat]

Im sorry for your loss! Xxxxxx

 

[Weeza]

Thank you for being so lovely! I have had a lot more blood and a few clots today luckily still no major pains just a sort of dull ache and discomfort.


I have done some work but mainly just fabric cutting. My main problem is I have 40 advent calendars for dogs to get sewn up and sent in time for the start of December and that is where my stress is as I need to get them done in time.

Have to go in tomorrow morning between 9.30 and 10 to have more bloods so will know if my body is sorting itself out that way. I am at the point now I want it all to be over with but I know I may still have weeks of bleeding and have the pains to come. Just hoping my levels drop so I don't need to endure another scan to check everything is coming out as it needs to.

I keep seeing babies on my facebook and adverts on tv and getting all emotional and feel such an idiot. I am so jealous of people I know that have babies

 

[Crawkay]

I'm sorry to hear this.
Just take time to accept it and move on to trying again when you feel ready.
I've found the 'I don't want to see this' option on facebook is good for when you're having a bad day. It sounds mean but I've hidden quite a few scan pictures in the last couple of months.

Stay positive, you will get there.x