He did it again :(

[Bee7]

Some of you may remember me posting a thread a few weeks ago about being suspicious about my OH and having concerns that he was keeping secrets from me. Well it turns out i'm not just a neurotic pregnant lady and he has in fact been gambling again. He hasn't lost a massive amount but that's not the point. And he's also gotten one of those ridiculous payday loans out behind my back too so now he has that to pay back plus interest.

I'm absolutely livid. Not only has he lied, but i'm trying so so hard to spend as little money as possible in the run up to baby being born and he's throwing it away. Plus he made me feel as though i was imagining things and made me question my own judgement when all along i was right.

I really don't know what to do for the best now. He has paid his share of all the bills/food/rent costs this month and next month he's said he'll transfer me all of his wages to look after. He does genuinely seem to want to stop but i just have a horrid feeling that this is something that is going to be a problem forever. I was quite hard on him and told him i dont see a future for us because we'll never be able to save, get a mortgage etc. I also said if it doesnt stop then he'll have to move out because even though hes paying his share at the moment there will come a time when he won't and i can't live in fear of that happening. When i go down to SMP and part time hours i'm going to be relying on him and i cant have him messing around like this.

But truthfully i'm not in a strong enough position (mentally or financially) at the moment to cope on my own

Sorry for the massive rant. Just feel so let down for me and baby x

 

[JoJo79]

hunni really not sure i can give any advice, just want you to know we are all here for you,

Really hope he does want to stop and makes the effort to get some help xx

 

[Beckyjane]

O hun! im sorry, dont have much advice either i'm afraid, stay dtrong and think of that beautiful lil buba xxx

 

[VikkiR]

Poor you I feel really bad for you. You have the answers as you know what you need to do, you'll do it when you're ready I just hope you don't take as long as I did to get out of this knd of relationship as I did <<hugs>> I 'got rid' almost 2 years ago after dithering for 9 wasted years. It was hard at the time but I kept telling myself 12 months from now I'll feel so much better and I was right. Be kind to yourself xxxx

 

[Nonabean]

You need to think about you and baby!! I feel for you. Xxx

 

[sammi7]

Don't have any advice hunny but I hope you can sort things out. You need to put you and baby first though xx

 

[TORino]

Aw hun.

What an awful situation you are in.

This guy has broken your trust again at a time when you are feeling particularly vulnerable. It is going to be very difficult to get that back at this stage is imagine.

I know you have given him a few chances now over this haven't you? Do you think it is likely he is going to change? Has he tried everything possible to rid himself of the addiction?

Only you can decide ultimately what to do about this based on your previous experiences and needs but you need to get yourself the support you need give birth and look after yourself and your baby right now.

Big hugs

 

[rosey]

Maybe you could get a number that he could call for support and how to change his thinking as gambling is a form of addiction

 

[DeeLT]

Oh honey, sorry to hear that he's done this. Have you suggested he goes for counselling or something like that? It sounds horrible but could that be a 'condition' of making it work out for you? At least that way he could start to gain some trust back (plus sort out his problem). Professional counsellors who deal with addiction can give you both techniques to help the situation. It's crap when you can't trust someone, because you end up looking for reasons to search through things trying to find 'evidence'. Talking it through with an impartial person may make you feel a bit stronger to make a decision about what you want to do for you and LO xxxx

 

[CarlyD]

*hugs* What an awful thing for him to do to you through your whole pregnancy. Just when you need security. I think it's very risky to stay with him, but on the plus side at least you can tell when something is going on.

However I feel he will only get better at hiding it from you. Stay cautious and do what you feel is right. I don't envy your situation at all Good luck xxx

 

[JoS]

Have you thought about suggesting he see a counsellor? I honestly believe everyone has the potential to change, I'm not saying its easy but I think everyone can.
Sending you a big hug xx

 

[Bee7]

Thank you for your advice and support ladies, means a lot. I have suggested the counselling route before but he doesn't seem to think it would work for him. His idea of a solution is to give me all his money/cards so he physically isn't able to do it.

Really at my wits end to be honest. Going to look into what money id be entitled to if i were on my own but really don't want it to come to that. It's so hard cos it's not like hes cheating or anything - although gambling is horrible, he has the best intentions when he does it, i.e. he just wants more money for us and baby. What he can't seem to understand is that it never works out like that and we always end up with less. He's just obsessed with money but his greed will really ruin everything.

It's those loans that really boil my blood. The interest is like 1000% or something!!!!! Surely only someone with half a brain cell or who was really desperate would go near those, yet he uses them as back ups all the time. They should be banned. Or he should just stop being such a tit. xx

 

[BabyBrain]

Oh babe I don't know how he can do this to you again. I think he has a serious problem and needs to see someone. Chasing that big win is financially fatal. Take your time to think about what you want to do, don't make any rash decisions either way, maybe give it a deadline of you controlling all of his finances and see how you go but only on the understanding that he gets the right help. Not only are you pregnant and about to become a mummy but you are not trained to deal with this and can't give him the help he really needs. Any kind of addiction is devastating.

Hope you find some solution very soon sweetie xxxxxxxxxx

 

[Loula]

really hope you come to a decision xxx

 

[becciboo26]

Oh hunny xxxxxxxx

 

[VikkiR]

I hate to say he is cheating, he's cheating you out of the security you and LO deserve, restricting his access to his money will just encourage more sneaky payday loans it's not your job to babysit him and his money whilst ever you are together. You poor thing xxxx

 

[Bee7]

You're probably right Vikki, the consequences are the same anyway - i'm suspicious, let down and gutted. Feeling very low tonight. Really don't know what to do. Don't want to babysit his finances but also don't feel like kicking him out and being alone 5 weeks before giving birth so hard.

Thank you again for all of your support x

 

[VikkiR]

Chin up sweetie xx