Having to start all over again

[Branwen]

Sorry for the long post in advance, just need to get it all out of my system and so many unknows!

So a little background. I have endo which has obviousely already got me worried on thinking I might not ever get pregnant so it was a masive happy moment to find out I was expecting after only 6 months trying! With me and DH both really wanting kids and us being so happy to find out well, we got very excited and all. Then yesterday I had a mc... I kind of felt it coming, a few days before I had cramps and pain and a little bit of spotting. So, finally called the doctors on wednesday, who planned me in for an early scan on monday (fastest they could do it). Then yesterday it happened.

I got the feeling a few days before, so started to realise it might not be the one and whilst I shared all my conserns with DH, he obviousely can't feel what I feel, so it was even harder on him. Still have to go for a scan on monday and kind of not lookin forward to it as I have no idea what to expect. If it is only a scan, they probably can not tell me much and then have to wait ages to talk to a doctor about the results, so kind of hope for a bit more support there.

Like, can my endo have anything to so with the mc? How soon can we start ttc again? And maybe most of all just to make sure everything is still where it is supposed to be so we can work towards another little one. And how much longer do these horid cramps keep going on for? (really if it was not for the fact I am going to hospital on monday already I would have admitted myself by now)...


It actually makes me more sad thinking about the fact that we haev to try again. I d onot find TTC exciting at all. In fact, though I keep an idea on dates and how often we do it, with us both working stressful full time jobs and long shifts it just happens to often that we just do not feel like it and no wonder this one got conceived during holiday. As much as we want a baby I do not want to add another job on top of the things we already have to do. We got this far by just doing what we wanted, but if any ladies have a very spot on way to make ttc really easy and fun, who knows... I know it is a short time compared to a lot, but I kinda do not want to wait another 6 months before the next one!

 

[kaz1983]

First of all sorry for your loss its heartbreaking i dont have endo but i know we were told to ttc as soon as we felt ready too and tbh i was too focused on ttc then i stopped and just went with the flow and finally it happened

Im sure they will tell u results of scan right away

Take care xx

 

[Foxy24]

Hey Branwen, I'm really sorry for your lose. I feel exactly the same way, I don't have endo but oh and I have had our troubles. We started ttc March 2014 and finally got our first bfp last month. Like you I started spotting so had an Idea something was wrong, started bleeding heavily and they booked me in for an early scan for 4 days later (earliest they could fit me in as well.) They told me at the scan the results so I'm sure you won't need to wait for yours, they also done 48 hour bloods to double confirm so they might suggest that with you also. I hope your cramps stop soon!

I never enjoyed the whole ttc thing as I found it quite stressful, so knowing we've got to start again is really hard.
Are you going to start trying again ASAP? The bleeding stopped for me two weeks ago and got my first flashing smiley last night so we going to try again.

I know it's hard but try to keep positive because, it will happen and it will all be worth it x

 

[Branwen]

Thanks so much.

Kaz, glad to hear they are ok with starting straight away. If they'd tell me to wait I probable go insane!

Foxy, sorry for your loss as well. Hope you get a sticky one soon! so happy to hear I'll probably be told everything at the scan. I had to go in for a scan before they removed my coil (gp could not do it as there was some resisntant) and they said nothing. It was so annoying! Although, thinking back about scans, years ago they did explain everything to me as I had a cyct on my ovaries. So hoping for a good day.

Glad to know I'm not the only one not enjoying ttc. Kind of want to start it propperly as we never used anything to see when would be best to dtd, so that will be doing some research and finding out what might work. Think it might actually work for us now though, as we both want to have our lil one so bad! And yes, asap!

And yes, already staying positive as much as possible. Like said, at least we can conceive! I'm quite happy about that and also, as long as this bleeding and cramping stops soon, I can enjoy our holiday next week withouth having to be careful with certain activities (camel ride here we come!). Oww, and my bosses were happy for us as well, so that is a good sign. They also be very nice to us now. I kinda wanted to get straight back to work, but they gave me like 5 days of. not 100% if I liked it, but after yesterday, I am kinda grateful.

 

[Lilmisshopeful]

I'm so so sorry for your loss. At your scan they will tell you what they see you won't have to hang around. They will alway recommend waiting a cycle but that's just for dating purposes. Your more fertile after a mc or live birth so best time to try.
My other half works 14 hour shifts and is always tired so I use opk to pin point it exactly so as not to tire him out trying every other day. Fx for you xxx

 

[Foxy24]

Thanks, still have my down days but it's getting better. I would definitely recommend OPKs, they have been great for us as well.
That's good news that your boss is supportive! Will definitely make things easier for you.
I hope you have a great holiday and enjoy the camel ride! x

 

[Branwen]

Here is how much I know about this - totally had to look up opk. Never really thought I'd use any such thing, but guess it can't hurt to give it a go. + I'm now sure that if I tell DH it is baby making time he will be all up for it now. Will be easier to just be a few days iso like every other day. Will be interresting to see how regular/irragular my periods actually are. Never really think about it. It always used to be a well, around the end of the month thing, but changing slightly, so doubt it will be easy to pinpoint at first, but totally going to be worth it! I got the funny feeling now we know it is possible, I wil lactually love this whole ttc thing. I know it will happen again, just a questions of when

The only thing I worry about is gettign back into work and having everyone feel sorry for me. I can handle it fine, but if people ask me if I'm ok, I'm bound to break, just beause, you know, it is a stupid question. Of course I'm not ok, but under the circumstances I am! Helps my DH works in the same place, so when he gets back home today at least I'll get a heads up on how things are and what I can expect.

 

[Foxy24]

Yea, that's why we started to use them. It's a lot less stressful just covering your fertile period than trying to cover a whole month, especially when you don't find ttc fun. I use either the clear blue digital ones or some cheap ones off eBay.

That's a good point about knowing that now it could happen, could make it more fun. When me and OH started trying last March we didn't know that he had no sperm, we only found that out 4 months ago, so we never actually stood a chance at falling pregnant that whole time. But now that he has got a good count we do stand a chance, so maybe we will find it more fun too.

I really hope work is ok for you. I'm the same, I can hold it together if no one mentions it but if asked if I'm ok then I break down. Maybe your DH could let everyone know that you don't want to talk about it? Might make it a bit easier for you? x

 

[Branwen]

Yeah, first months it just got me down. Every time af came it just made me feel like 'see, it's never going to happen' even though I tried to stay realistic as well. But now at least that doubt will be gone, so probably able to deal with it better.
Work was fine for DH today so should be ok. Just have to remember to stop overthinking things lol overthink about not overthinking, sure I'm capeable of that?
Will have a look into some things, and guess I need reading up on how these ovulation predicting thingies actually work etc, but will start worrying about all that next month.

Hope for you things will go well! Knowing things are good now must be a great boost for you!

 

[Foxy24]

Glad work went well. Yea, just do some research and find out what works best for you and I'm sure you will be fine this time around.

It is definitely a huge boost! Even though we didn't know about his count at the time, we new something had to be wrong to have no bfp in over a year. I got another flashing smiley yesterday so I'm hoping the one I do today shows ovulation. x

 

[Eryinera]

Hi branwen. Good luck today. They should tell you at your scan and as soon as you are ready you can ttc again. I got caught the next cycle after my mc. I've been lucky in that since I got the my days app on my phome it's only ever taken me upto 3 months to get pregnant all 4 times. I have irregular periods ranging 14 to 31 days. I wish you the best of luck hun and I hope to see you in tri 1 very soon.

 

[BunnyN]

Thinking of you at your scan today.

 

[Eryinera]

Thinking of you hun hope you are OK x x x

 

[Branwen]

All good.
Scan was exactly as expeted. They were really nice and explained everything. Nothing there, as I knew woud be, but at least all looking good and no problems, so that is a good sign for the futre.

Have to get back tomorrow morning as they are following my bloods. Kinda annoyed as it takes me 3-4 hours out of my day to get there and back, but gues it is nessesary to make sure my hormones return to normal as well as my body. (Just hope it clears out in a week. Flying out on the 29th so really want all the bleeding and things to be over before then! No way I want to miss our anniversary holiday, but the nurse said all should be fine by then.

Also got an open letter to the gyn department, so whenever I want I can just call them instead of having to wait for a reference etc. And tomorrow I guess will be stopping by the endo unit. Just to have a chat. No I do not want any treatments for my endo at the moment, but for futuure reference and maybe they will have some painkillers that actually help with pain (really even codaine does nothing to me except makeing me feel dopy).

DH found it kind of fun to be able to see my insides. Can't wait for next time with some better news!


Foxy, hope this will be the time for you then! (I'm not going to say have fun yet, because I know how much I would hate this waiting period... can't stand waiting!!!!) Even this 2 weeks that I knew I was pregnant seemed to be like months.

Everyone now knows. Think actually worst of all my mom is very upset. This was going to be her first grandchild and well, glad she lives overseas, otherwise she would just be here and try to make me feel better even though I'm feelign fine, so she would actually make me fee;l worse. She already does a bit with making me feel like I should be more sad. We had our day of tears and crying, we still have our moments that you realise what you miss (not going to lie, yesterday I almost teared up seeing all the smily pregnant couples going in for scans) but it is just the way things are and it will happen again, so yeah, moving on and making sure next one does stick.

Back to work today. Kinda feel like I should tell the girls working with me, as I'm sure they wonder why I have been off for the weekend and all (can't believe it is only a weekend...) but not sure how I would handle there reactions. maybe I'll tell them near the end of the day.

 

[Eryinera]

So sorry Hun. You are an amazing woman and I hope all is well for your holiday. Mine were over pretty quick and af arrived on time (ish for me 14-31 day cycles are norm) my next few afs were really heavy so I'll prep you for that if you're out make sure you have spares to quickly change. (Wish someone told me about that the first time. I had an embarrassing time!) Good luck and I hope to see you back in tri 1 as soon as you're ready!

It's normal for your emotions to be a bit of a roller coaster at times roll with them and of you need to vent we are here.

 

[Branwen]

Aww my, I'm not liking that news of the next afs possibly being very heavy. My periods are already so bad they often leave me lying on the floor crying and not even codaine helps as a painkiller. Just makes me feel naseaus and dopey. Really hope this will not become the case for me! Already joke with DH that giving birth can't be that much worse then periods lol. Doubt that to be true, but still...

Just going to have to hope for the best. Already really suprised the mc is actually no worse than a normal period for me. Just emotionally worse, the bleeding is actually less and the pains a bit different but simular. DH told me off for hiding the pains in front of the nurse though... they told me to just give them a call if pains get too bad, so at least got a direct link to gyn now if I do need it.

Me and DH are so ready! Sure you'll see me back soon! Such a weigth lifted of our shoulders to know we can get pregnant, so definatly will be enjoying this ttc in a whole different way now.

 

[Foxy24]

So glad your scan went well! It is a pain having to keep going back for tests. Hopefully your levels drop quickly so you can get back to ttc. Mine dropped quickly I think, I had a negative test a week after I started to bleed.

I didn't know about the heavy AFs I'm normally quite heavy anyway and hate it! So I hope they don't get that much worse. Is there anything that can be done about your normal periods? They sound bad. I used to get very painful ones, in my stomach, back and thighs and found having something hot on where it hurts really helped. Iv got a bean bag thing that goes in the microwave, very useful! That may help even if it's just a little bit? x

 

[Branwen]

My levels better drop quickly, like it or not, I'm not missing my holiday over some blood levels! So I have tomorrow, friday, sunday and tuesday and if it is not normal by then I'm in big trouble! Really do not want to have to cancel the holiday and will fight for it if needed.

AFs, well, doubt they can do much. Most of it surgical and really can not afford or want to be in bed for 2-4 weeks doing nothing. I do not deal with nothing, seriousely, I'll end up killing DH and a lot more! And now especially with being ttc, I rather deal with it and get pregnant. Had it for as long as I can remember. so knew nothing better then it being normal, didn't ever cros my mind to see a doctor. Only discovered endo when they had to remove a cyct from my ovaries and since again done nothing about it (been 5 years since! Starting to think I'm stupid...). Now though I will talk to some doctor tomorrow about it. Really need some insane painkillers, but doubt anything will do and still want to be able to work! get horid back pains, really flairy stomach cramps. Hot thins help - like just had a very long hot shower and just sat down and well, it calms me down maybe more then helps with the pain, but at least it gives me more strenght again ^^

Thought I was over the worst of it this morning as bleeding almost stopped, but late afternoon it came back and really just had to go home from work early as I could not do anything anymore. So now hoping this will be the last of it as it has been well, not even that long yet, but since friday bleeding this much, no wonder I feel more tired and weakened. Don't know how I'll survive the next days. Having to wake up at 6am to get to hospital, get back around 11-12 ish to do the evening shift, 3-11pm at work, but will have to make it work... aka sleeping on bus time

 

[Eryinera]

Ooo that sucks each time i had a m/c the doctor automatically signed me off work, I know you don't like doing nothing but at least that could allow you some rest time?

 

[Branwen]

Work gave me days off even though I did not even ask for it.
I had my mc friday afernoon and turned up for work saturday morning only to be send home. Really just wanted to work to take my mind off things, but to be honest, I'm glad they gave me the time off in the end. Gave us some more time to deal with emotions. Guess I really am insane?
Also, I'll have my time off soon when I go on holiday! Only working 7 more days straight and than I fly to the sunshine

Have you had bloodlevels cheked after MCs? Just wondering how long it might take before they are happy with my results?