Having a bad day!

[katastrophic]

Need to chat and don't know who to talk to, having a bad day!

How can you tell if its hormones or depression, I can't control my emotions at the moment and its driving me mad, I keep breaking down and I'm finding it very hard to speak to my OH. I moved to the area just a month before I found out I was pregnant and friends and family are a two hour drive away, I've always been happy in my own company but I am just so sad and lonely and finding the pregnancy terrifying with no one to talk to. If I try and talk to my partner he blames himself for my unhappiness because I left my old life for him so I try to hide it from him and he thinks that I'm just a stroppy pregnant mare so he gives me space when all I desperately want is a hug, I feel so bad because I am constantly demanding reassurance and attention like a child and feel like I'm a constant irritation to him. I can't say anything to my family and friends back home because I don't want to worry them and they desperately want me to return home and I can't cope with the pressure of their demands, I've never felt so low in my life and I feel so guilty as this should be the happiest time. It doesn't help that I have got to the stage where the weight is piling on now and my partner is scared that any initmacy may hurt the babe which is making me feel totally undesirable and disgusting, I tried to discuss all this with my midwife but all she said is "Oh, bit of a stresshead aren't we!". I'm only temping as work was harder to come by once I found out I was pregnant and I feel so vulnerable and insecure that I'm finding it difficult to make friends which I have never had a problem with in the past, I have loads of friends back home but I am starting to lose them as I'm not returning calls as I don't want them to know that my life isn't as perfect as I pretend it is. I've got no one to turn to and I hate asking for help but I don't know how to deal with this any longer, I'm at breaking point today, sorry I've gone on but I so needed to get all that out..........I know there are so many worse things that are going on in the world but I can't seem to escape my own head at the moment.

 

[Anna Marie]

Hi there,

So sorry you are feeling so low.. to be honest your post reminded me of how I have been feeling since being pregnant.. you are not alone!!

Hormones do play a very nasty part in our roller coaster emotions and sadly our OH's will not be able to grasp this as well as we would hope.. I can totally empathise with you as I do not know anyone in the area I live either as I too moved here for my OH away from friends and family. Pregnancy can be a very lonely time.. we want to be excited but we feel so out of control.. our emotions, our body shape, our symptoms etc all get the better of us and sometimes make us feel awful!! Please don't feel that you are wrong to feel down... how far along are you???

As I have suffered 3 m/c in the past I spent the first 17 or so weeks of this pregnancy feeling absolutely terrified, angry and sad.... I was just too scared to be happy.. and then came all the symptoms and hormonal rages.. then came feeling fat [still do!!] and the body taking over etc.. it is a very traumatic time and for those who enjoy it i take my hat off to them cos I truly would love to but haven't so far!!

As for my OH.. he tried bless him to understand how I felt.. he respected my wishes not to talk about the baby until after 14 weeks [one of previous m/c was at 14 weeks so this was a major milestone for me] and he read all the bits in the preg books to try and deal with my hormonal rages but I still felt very alone.. this forum has been the life saver.. everyone on here has really helped me through all the worry and stressful moments.. so whenever I need to vent or cry.. I do it to the girls on here.. they are fab!!

Do you have any interests that you enjoy doing? Anything that can distract you from feeling miserable at the mo? don't worry about letting your freinds and family know your life is not so perfect.. I made it very clear to mine that I was not enjoying pregnancy at all and they have been great.. very diplomatic and reassuring since that conversation. don't lose touch with your friends.. if they are true friends they will be there for you regardless of where / how you live... have faith in them.. they will want to help you through this tricky time!

As for OH.. maybe plan a night out or a romantic dinner together so you can both relax away from your usual routine.. then maybe you can talk a bit better and you will feel more confident... My OH too feels bad that he dragged me away from my career and friends in London when we met but I cannot keep blaming him.. I chose him and I am so glad I did.. there are always compromises and after a year of hating where I live I am now coming to like it.. I get out as often as possible for walks to put things in perspective and when I want to cry or an impartial ear... my dog is a very good listener!!

Anyway I have droned on for too long.. we are here if you want to chat xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[katastrophic]

I was feeling a bit daft after posting that and your reply has helped put things in perspective a little. My family, friends and career were the most important things in my life and its been a shock to the system having a man and a bump (that I both love more than I ever thought possible) take over those roles and I wouldn't swap my situation for the world I just need a little help adjusting and a listening ear. I had a miscarriage previously in the early stages so its good to hear from someone who understands, I'm approaching 26 weeks now with out a hitch so far health wise I just wish my mental state was more stable! Thanks again Kat x

 

[Anna Marie]

Don't feel daft Kat..pregnancy is a very strange time and our minds are not quite as they used to be.. [and never will be again I expect!!] - just take comfort that you are not alone - and whenever you want an "ear" or several.. we are here xx

Glad to hear you are past half way and in good health.. that is great!! I have learned over the past few months to just let my emotions out.. instead of fighting or trying to control them.. OH just knows now to leave me alone when feeling like this and the next day I feel fine again.. like being on a roundabout.. never knowing where it will stop!!

take care
x

 

[hayley]

you would not believe how your mail is exactly how i'm feeling... i could have written it myself....

I understand how you feel totally.. i don't have a temp job or live 2 hours awayf from friends or family but i do feel just like you in all your other points...

I sometimes feel depressed and think it has to be more than hormones but deep down i i know it is a hormones thing! before you found out you was pregnant - what type of person where you? i was a happy go lucky type - nothing much got to me... but now i'm so fed up and down! I started to think - what if i hate the baby when it arives because it has made me feel so low... but deep down i know this person isn't me... Do you find you put a big smile on to everyone around you? the people i work with think i'm loving being pregnant.... i'm always chatting away and having a lugh.. but once i get home and close the door! I become fed up and misserable... I hate telling my mum or friends how i feel because i'm worried i'm gonna sound like a moaning cow and they're gonna get fed up listening... do you feel like this? your not alone...

men try to understand but they don't get it... and i don't blame them.. i never understood my best friend before i became pregnant... Men don't pick up on hints too well.. I got fed up tying to pass hints of something i'd like (a hug, a cuddle, just hold my hand) in the end i have started to just ask.. i know its not the same... if he just grab hold of my hand without being asked it would mean so much to me but if i have to ask - i still get the same thing at the end...

also the body changes we go through are so dramatic at and amazing speed - our brain doesn't get time to adjust to it... if we put weight on naturally we don't really notice the change so dramatically... we might go up a size in jeans but it's not over nite!! becoming pregnant everthing changes from our chest, waist, hips, bum, bump grows, we become restricted in movement... my brain isn't taking all this in too well... i trully don't like having a bump... however saying that.. last nite i lay on the bed and looked down on my bump feeling sorry for myself.. when it moved!!!! that was the best feeling in the world... i wanted to put my arms out and huge it... i gave little bump a nice rub... it was like my baby was saying cheer up...

All I can say is take a deep breath when you feel like killing someone... if you fancy a cry - have one! I had a good blubber in the shower the other day! washed it all away... have pamper days when you relax in the shower! do your nails... and just enjoy being a woman... if you want a hug - ask for one! give your friends a call and have a good chat... try not to be hard on yourself.. and most of all be a little selfish! if you wat to be alone- then be alone and don't worry about anyone or anything... if you want company - jump the train to your family for the weekend and don't worry about leaving OH alone... he wont die...

Hope i haven't bored you.. i did go on a bit!!!

sending you a big hug.. and you didn't even have to ask!!!

x

 

[skatty]

Hello Kat, I just want to say I know exactly how you feel. I moved to Denmark to be with my husband and left a huge circle of friends and all my family behind. I used to get angry and depressed and I wasn't even pregnant then! I used to be horrible to my DH and he felt so guilty. I have been here a year and a half now and although I haven't got the amount of friends I have at home I do now have a few very good friends and it has made a world of difference. I now can't wait because I know being pregnant and having a baby will give me so many more opportunities to meet some more friends. Could you ask your midwife about any groups where mums to be meet? I met one of my best friends here on a yahoo group for foriegners in Denmark. There may even be someone on this forum near by to you that you could meet up for a coffee with. I know this won't solve everything but I do believe we need more than our DH's to keep us happy! Its just nice to gossip with another female isn't it? Anyway I hope you are feeling better today anyway!

Hugs, Katt x