Have I Done The Right Thing ????????????

[wend]

Hiya

Girls

Well i went to see the midwife the other day tbh i saw no point in it all she did was take my bp and tell me that she wanted to see me in 8 weeks time .

She said when i come back in 8 weeks time she would check babys heartbeat .

Then she mentioned about the test for down syndrome i said that me and my DH have decided that we dont want it done she then went really funny and said well in that case i will see you in 5 weeks time instead of 8.

She said but whilst you wait for your next appointment i want you to think about it even longer and then tell me your answer and if you still dont want it i will get you to fill in a declined form stating that you dont want it .

She also put in my notes that i had refuse the test .

Have i done the right thing ???????? by saying we dont want the test

Ive always said i would love my baby no matter what but i feel as though people are looking down on me because i made the decision not to have it done and the midwife didnt look to happy .

I feel has though ive got to have the test done because people are looking down but i know in my heart i dont want the test done.

Thanks for listen girls i would be lost without you lot lol

 

[whyslifesobig]

I agree with you honey, I wouldn't have it either. I would love my baby downs or not. and while it is heart breaking to know what life has in store for them and that thier life expectancy is so short they are lovely children and grownups for that matter. not so much special needs as just special. Good luck with your pregnancy and I would ask for a different midwife if she keeps being nasty.

 

[smurf]

I think she is a bit out of order to be honest its your baby and your decision and a very difficult decision no-one has the right to judge you and you certainly shouldn't have the tests done just because someone says you should. Me and my dh are at a similar stage deciding what tests if any we want and have definitely ruled out the triple test, Amnio and CVS ones still debating on the Nucal but as I am 39 we will have to go private to get that and as I won't have a termination I think we'll probably not bother. Anyway my midwife was absolutely fine she basically said at our next apt we confirm our decision and if we decide to not have any tests done there will be no more said about it from anyone.

I wish you the best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy and without sounding patronising think fair play to you for making your decision.

 

[Charm]

Please don't feel pressured into taking the test if you don't want to. No one will look down on you, it's your baby and your decision
Every test and scan you have in pregnancy is optional, it's your right to refuse and don't let her tell you otherwise

She sounds like a right old witch

Cx

 

[tracey 2]

hun,

its your baby and like you say you would love your baby regardless as many people like myself would do.

Please dont let anyone tell you or make you think you are doing the wrong thing, its your life and your desision.

Take care

 

[littlebump]

Of course you've done the right thing - you only have the test if you want to have it done.

I only had it because if I didn't then I wouldn't have had a scan at 12 weeks and I didn't want to wait to 20 weeks, but because of that my MW was almost the opposite - she asked me to have a think about what I would do if the test came back as high risk as the subsequent amnio test carries a strong risk of MC.

Your MW was probably a bit surprised as I bet a lot of people like me just have it so that they can see their little bean and aren't really interested in the nuchal fold bit.

Also, my MW didn't bother seeing me at 12 weeks as I was having a scan, so I saw her at around 8 weeks then not again until 16 weeks, but if I hadn't been scanned then she would have seen me at 12 weeks.

Don't worry - you've done what's right for you - don't feel pressured into anything

LBxx

 

[Lyn_no3]

hi hun if thats the right decision for you then stick with it. dont worry what anyone else is thinkin.

the only reason i have the test is so if it is bad news i can be prepared, i can research what will be required of me befoe the baby arrives so it isnt a shock, i would still love my baby and wouldnt terminate a pregnancy due to my results from the downs etc.. tests but forewarned is forarmed.

i'm sorry your midwife made you question your decision she should of supported you no matter what decision you made

 

[delmesgirl]

i agree with everyone else.

it's your decision whether to have tests done or not.

me and hubby have declined for the same reasons - that it will make no difference anyway, so why put ourselves through the stress amd possibly put the baby at risk, as we'll love our baby no matter what.

my midwife was really supportive when i told her this, and i'm surprised that your midwife had such a strange reaction to it. I'm sure you're not the first mum who's turned down the tests.

maybe you should get a different midwife???

 

[Fiona]

it's your decision and no-one elses.

My DH and I also decided not to have the test, even though we are high risk as I am nearly 41... but we decided that we would love our baby whatever and would never contimplate an abortion so for us there was no point in finding out .................

we also didn't want the stress of knowing before the birth that something was wrong - have just enjoyed being pregnant and will deal with any complications as and when they arise.

Stick to your decision... everyone has a right to make their own discision and certainly shouldn't be judged by someone who is meant to be dealing with them in a professional and caring manner - shame on your MW

 

[EllieG]

No one will look down on you! She probably just wanted to make sure you were sure about your decision as you can only have the blood test up to a certain amount of weeks, you mustn't feel pressured into having any tests done and its best to make sure you understand them all before giving your arm over!
I didnt have the test, it is just a screening test and doesnt give you a definitive answer so I didn't see the point but it is a very individual thing.
take care and try not to worry,
xxx

 

[missexpecting]

Totally your own decision babe

 

[nathanmum]

my midwife tried to talk me out of mine! its funny how theyre all different just ignore her its your decision sound like that mw gonna be fun to have around

 

[Sabrina]

It's a very personal decision that only you and your OH can make. I don't think anyone (midwife, doctor, friend, relative etc) should pressurize anyone else about it.

This is how I feel about it and I had the test. Your midwife shouldn't be talking you into anything you aren't comfortable with. If she continues along those lines, and you feel uncomfortable with her, maybe you could ask to change for someone else?

Sabrina
x

 

[Sarah&Braydon]

hun its ur desison please dont feel guilty

 

[wend]

Thanks girls for all your replys and support i think i would be lost without you lot .

Me and my DH are still sticking to are decision and saying no for the tests.

We would love are baby no matter what .

Plus we have waited such a long time for this baby and i know there is only a small risk but its a risk we wouldnt like to take .

Once again thanks for all the support and help its much appreciated

 

[Vickyleigh]

When the midwife asked me if I wanted a scan for down syndrome at first I said yes but then I thought what's the point because it wouldn't make a difference, I wouldn't get rid of the baby if it did have down syndrome. like you said Wend it's my baby and I will love it no matter what. So I rang her up and told her I didn't want it. No way hozay am I going to kill my baby for that reason! She did try to get me to change my mind but I refused.

 

[Gaby]

I think you did the right thing hun. If its not going to make a difference to you keeping the baby, then why worry yourself about it the whole 9 months. Yes, you could prepare yourself better, but i just don't think i'd want to know, incase it did make me want to go against my morals.

Just spoke to DH about this, and he was frankly quite rude to me. Said something about "if you cant go more than a day without taking a hpt how r u gonna go without knowing all this stuff?" what the hell?


I also think that midwife was out of line. She shouldn't have told you to think about it, at all. None of her business.

 

[Vickyleigh]

I agree Gaby, Wend you should ask for a different midwife. She shouldn't get you to change your mind. To me that seems out of order.