Has your relationship with OH changed ?? I feel different :/

[GregorysGirl]

Hi Laydeees.

Something just feels different these last few days.

Dunno what it is - could be due to geting my period - but Im pretty hormonal most of the time anyways ....

But.... I just cant b arsed with my hubby.

For the past 4 mnths since A has been born Ive pretty much had to force him to change nappies, take baths with Austin, make bottles, feed him and to cuddle him. Hes just not that kind of huy it seems. Although I have to give him credit - he does like the 'play' side of things. He does the occasion night feed (4-5am) but only when hes off the next day.

So the last few days something has just clicked n I feel like....

'F**K u....I'll do it on my own rather than beg u, but dont expect e to have anytime to sit down with u in the evning, make your dinner or be cheery - cus its bloody hard work!!'

I think I feel disapointed it has come to this. But by the same token I know Im the one who dotes on our son - YES he goes to work but he just left his new job to go bk to his old one so he'd be less stressed in order to help out at home. So go figure?!!!

I love him and we have been together 5 years - but I feel like Im falling out of love with him cus he's letting me down.

For example last night - he watched me wolf my dinner down, bath baby, feed baby, sort masses of washing, put it away, do the dinner pots n make the bottles. Ive given up even trying to make it an issue, I just get on with it - but inside I feel sad cus he's not helpin n watching me struggle.

Doesnt he care?
Does he feel its totally my job?
Does he think its easy?

Weve had sex since Austin which we both enjoyed - but hes giving me hardly any love n affection apart from a kiss goodbye when he goes to work.

Has the spark gone?
Does it happen to other couples?
Does it and will it come back?
Am I missing something?
Should I be doing something?

Is it a man thing that he cant see further than his nose end n realise things need doing?

Good god.

I dont want to start feeling like he's just a friend cus that would start a downward spiral forour relationship - however Im fed up with brpaching the subject of him helping n it ending in a row.

Sorry for the rant but any advice, reassurance or tactics to get him to get involved would help.

Smug mummies with AMAZING fellas not welcome - lol - only kidding

Im sort of hoping if I do EVERYTHING he will eventually feel guilty - wishful thinking I guess.

xxxxx

 

[Lulabell]

Ok I have a hubby that helps out with josh. But that loving feeling does seem to be a lot less between us. I'm guessing it's tiredness and hormones so trying not to worry about it. We haven't dtd since about week 37 of pregnancy. Josh is almost 5 months old. I've heard relationships can become quite strained at times. Maybe have an evening of just you and him if you can get someone to watch LO? Plan a nice meal at home and discuss what's on your mind. Try not to make it an argument.you need to be open and honest and explain how you are feeling.xx

 

[Samsgirl]

I find communication is the key. We talk through everything and it has helped us to stay us and stay close. It's been hard but you do have to work at it x

 

[Lettie]

Stop cooking for him, he'll soon buck up hisideas. Maybe he's scared tho of how well you're doing and worried you'll tell him he's not doing something right. I've got Hubby to do bathtime with F whilst I cook dinner for him and at first he considers it a chore but now he loves it, I hear him chatting away to her and its gorgeous. Also because I'm not in his way, critiquing him or anything so he just gets on with it. Maybe he just needs positive direction? Sorry he's not being proactively helpful tho and nagging sucks on both sides but its impossible to avoid when you feel you're carrying everything Xx

 

[My1stBaby]

I can't give any advice as I feel EXACTLY the same. Its like you read my mind.

I hate to think our spark has gone, don't feel in love anymore like I used to. I'm just hoping its down to hormones and tiredness and that it will come back. Problem is I feel like I'm seeing his true side now, and I don't like it.

Big time struggling!

Xxx

 

[GregorysGirl]

I feel like I just dont respect him anymore for not seeing he needs to help - Iwhich I then feel sad about... find myself being sharp with him, blunt, grumpy n snatching things from him etc always in a huff.

If it gets better Ill just get on with things as he is my soul mate but just cnt believe I feel like this.

I was thinking last night ' mmmm well I could do it on my own' which I think scared me.

But then I do sometimes think there must b people who are alot worse off - i,e fella doesnt work, does absolutley nothing, beats them , goes out drinking and cheating (craig never ever goes out), but he does watch every single bit of motor sport going which drives me INSANE!!!!

xxx

 

[wifeywifey]

Hun it will most likely get better my oh is quite helpful but the stress a new baby puts on a relationship is hard to deal with, talk to him when ur not mad it should help and spend some time together , go for a meal together or something. Im not saying he is ok but I know with my 1st everything felt a million times worse than it really was. X.

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[GregorysGirl]

1st baby - I totally understand about ' seeing the real side of hubby' OMG - like he doesnt give a F**K.

Guys - Im deffo gunna stop coking as I hardly enjoy meal times anyway cus Ive got so much to do.

Thatll teach him!! Lol.

We do talk things through and we are both good communicators - the problem is - he'll buck his ideas up for a day or so then slip AGAIN.

I thought about giving him a set role - i.e baby massage after baths - which he did - but them if its a night when he can tbe arsed - hes like 'does he really need a bath' cant he have one tomorrow - one night wont hurt'!!!

WTF!! We bath A every night so if we miss a night that'll mean 2 nigths of no bath - ERRRR NO PAL!!!!

Men just dont get it!! Our babies are more important to us that we are to ourselves.

Best one is ..when Austins crying he's like ' whats wrong with him' ....Errrr I have to figure it out so why dnt u try too...plus if u paid atention u might know his cries!!

I find myself calling him bad names in my head - just hope it wil go away but Im worried ill never forget how he is being and resent him in the future.

Let us #virtualsinglemummies support each other.

Team #virtualsinglemummies xxxx

 

[GregorysGirl]

Also once our joint bank account is empty its me who delves into my own money for bits n bobs we need . His money goes on his bloody classic car #virtualsinglemummies xxx

 

[TORino]

Aw no.

What is it with these blokes?

My OH has his moments but on the whole he has stepped up to the plate. The thing that upsets me about him is when we go to friends/our SILs house to see their kids and at parties etc he makes a massive fuss out of everyones else's kiddies and ignores ours

I do think things change between a couple, we have learnt to appreciate different things like our couple of hours in the evening we get without the baby. We just chat or cuddle on the sofa and watch tv.

Oh did leave me to bath, dress, feed and put the baby to bed on my own the other day so I hit the roof. To me that is too much for one person to do on their own if the other is in the house. He won't do it again.

 

[GregorysGirl]

Wifey - a time when Im not mad ---- errr never - lol - well not when hes home anyway atm -

Tor - exactly - I pretty much do al the evening shift.

Doesnt help my best friend of 10 years has a lil girl a mnth younger than Austin n her fella is so fussy n playful with their LO, playing at every opportunity , making her tea n toast in bed while she feeds...so every morning when she text me from 'perfect house central' it makes me more angry with Craig iykwim??

He was great for 2 weeks - then when he went back to work - he just though fuk it!!
xx

 

[Squeakz]

Me and oh are closer than ever but j is 20 mths. When he was younger and newborn we bickered constantly etc and it was becayse we were botg tired, I was hormonal and we were both guessing what this crying little person needed you defintwly need to be very blunt with him. I found that if I tried to be diplomatoc woth oh he didnt fully get how I was feeling (even now about everything) however I had to just say I feel X because of X....

Sorry its not much help.....

Hugs hun xx

 

[Bee7]

My OH was great when Jack was first born but now i'm starting to feel like the novelty has worn off. I can't remember the last time he changed him or give him a bottle and now on his days off he prefers to go play golf then spend any time with us. This coupled with his recent gambling has really made me think about our future, relationship and the way in which his blatantly messed up priorities could later affect Jack. We're currently in the process of splitting up.

I'm sure your situation is nowhere near this serious, but i do understand the frustration at men who think everything is our responsibility. It's the 21st century and it took 2 people to make this baby so why should everything fall on the mother's shoulders. I know if me and OH fully break up then he'll have the freedom to go off, move away, meet someone else, probably have more kids while i'm here bringing up HIS son. Don't get me wrong, i wouldn't have it any other way but it makes me sick.

Conclusion: men are selfish. x

 

[LoopyLouize]

We are "ok" but we have our good days and our bad days. I find it's me that's changed, not him. I'm much more snappy and have a lot of patience for H but absolutely none for OH. I love him to bits, just find I have no time for him!

X

 

[GregorysGirl]

Squeak - that helped

Lou - yeah - I seriously think I have changed - Im able to take more on my shoulders and dont need his help. I definately think Ive grown up alot - even though I thought I was older than my years anyway - almost like I cant be that mardy lil wife anymore - I havent got time to be mardy when there is serious stuff that needs doing like feeding my baby and playing with him.

Just feel like he gets in the way once hes home and I enjoy it more when hes not there rather than forcing him to 'hold' , 'play' or 'cuddle his son. He prefers the ' Just put him down' method of upbrnging....grrrrr!!

xx

 

[LoopyLouize]

Totally know what you mean hun!

I cba with OH either lol! He works away all the time, before H was born I hated it! Now she's here I just want OH away all the time lol! He's of work for 2 weeks and want him to go back!! X

 

[GregorysGirl]

Ha ha ha especially when they start telling you about their day at work without checking how their child has been etc.

Mine is away Monday - Wednesday next week n he said ' are u going to be ok without me' I replied 'well I pretty much do it all on my own anyway'. Dont think he liked the remark but I have no patience to be all ' oooo Ill be fine darling'.

He needs to realise I dnt need him. Only thing Im worried about is that Im scared of the dark n dnt realy like being in the house on my own at night - but jeeeez Im fine, ill have to get on with it like everything else, lol c

 

[littlemiss83]

Aw hun



I know exactly how you feel. This sounds a bit like me & OH when we had our first. Its such a shock to a relationship having a baby - BIG TIME.

We had the exact same arguments you mentioned & I had the same thoughts. Your def not alone coz i've heard this story soooo many times, doesn't make it any easier for you, but at least you know theres lots of ppl in your shoes.

My OH would have his set chores & make excuses as to why they dont need done, like you said about bath. And I also said to myself....it could be worse, not working, going out drinking, cheating ect. But at the end of the day, it could be worse, but you deserve better too. If it doesn't stop you might end up resenting him. I had endless arguments with OH. And had a bit of a mini breakdown, couldn't do f.all for days & just sat & cried, he soon witnessed for himself how much things build up when I do nothing & also how much I had on my shoulders. We had a massive chat. That was 7 years ago & its been no where near as bad since. I think alot of them live in la la land where we dont mind doing everything. I used to daily think back to the convos we had when ttc, all the crap about him doing 1/2. I felt like he'd tricked me.

He's better now but its no where near split 50/50 which is a shame, but I appreciate everything he does now, coz i remind myself of how it used to be. Sometimes I need to treat him like a child & say....could you please do me a favour i'd really appreciate it if you........rather than just say, gonna do that coz you bloody should be, sometimes they need to be treated like children.

God I could go on forever.

Other ppls relationships always look better than they are. Please dont mind what your friend's OH is doing.I know its hard when someone close has a perfect OH & you feel hard done by. I bet they have their problems that you'd never guess about. No one or relationship is perfect.

xxxxxxxxx

 

[GregorysGirl]

Awwww cheers littlemiss - that made me smile. especially as, like u say - ya can get through it.

ALthough the ' could u just do ME a favour' or 'babswould u mind if u....' tact doesnt work either - I have to be so direct its untru - like ' can u fetch me a towel NOW PLEASE' and 'Id like u to change this nappy please'.

Otherwise he doesnt think things are urgent, thinks he can nip to the loo before he fetches a bottle from downstairs or watch another 5 laps of the F1.

Men huh xx

 

[wifeywifey]

Lol that made me laugh my oh always needs a wee when a nappy needs changing or a bottle needs making etc.

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