Grrr! Need To Vent

[dannii87]

I'm not expecting anyone to reply, I'm just in a mood and need to vent lol

Joe (my brother, 17) lazy bugger, doesn't really live at one particular house, flits between my mum & dad's houses. He has openly said that this is because he doesn't want to have to pay rent and has so far got away with it!!

I only pay £100 a month rent but on top of that, I cook my own dinner a couple of times a week, buy all the toiletries (shampoos, toothpastes etc) for the kids floor *we live in a 3 storey house and ours is the top floor!* I do all the kids washing and ironing, I clean the house about once a fortnight, I buy milk, bread, treats for everyone (crisps, biscuits) sugar, coffee, tea bags, ketchup blah blah, I do the dishwasher and loads more!

My step dad owns his own business, he's lazy too. He sits at home all day playing computer games while my mum works part time and I work full time. He does nothing around the house. Occasionally empties the dishwasher but that's NOTHING!

Just to reiterate, I'M THE ONLY ONE IN THE HOUSE WORKING FULL TIME!! lol!!

Anyway, my brother doesn't really have a job, he works with my dad (sometimes) but doesn't do much even when he's there! He's currently "applying" for college courses...

I pay for him a lot. For example, last night I was on my way home and txt my mum asking if anyone wants a macdonalds as I was going to go past it. She replied to say Joe would like one, so I bought him one, not so much as a thank you when I got back! No offer to pay etc. Grr.

I have to ask him 4 or 5 times (sometimes more) when I need him to do something, like bring the washing down, bring the hoover up etc.

I cleaned the kitchen last night from top to bottom and this morning made a start on the lounge. I asked him to take down his plates from the computer and he just said "not now, I'll do it later" while he's typing away on MSN. I said, "no Joe, please can you do it now?" and he just ignored me (my mum can hear all this btw).

So I went downstairs to put another load of washing on and I shouted up "just a reminder! When the dishwasher is empty please can everyone put cups in that and not the sink!" and mum shouted back "why, who's done that?" and I said Joe & my step dad. She shouted back "well you do it! When you get home from lunch you'll leave your plate out!" I thought, hang on a bloody moment, I WORK FULL TIME lol!! I have 45 minutes break during the day, so what if I leave a plate out? It's mainly me who packs it away again anyway!!

Joe does NOTHING around the house and I am constantly clearing up for him. I told my mum last week that I will ONLY wash his clothes, but as soon as they're dry they are going back in his bedroom and if he wants them, he can iron them himself because when he does a tidy of his room (every now and again) he'll put back clean, ironed washing in the washing basket!! Anyway... He just said he'll take them to his step mum to do... She's a mug because she'll actually do it!

I'm really angry about it. Mum said "do you fancy going out today?" so I said ok and she said she needed me to go because my step dad's taken her car out So I'm now a taxi too.

Don't get me wrong, Mum does a lot around the house but the fact she blatently stuck up for my brother and put me down in front of him has really p*ssed me off. No wonder he doesn't do anything!

I told my mum that when Evie is old enough, I'm going to get her helping me by cleasring away her own mess - because that's what my mum has not done with either of my brothers. I was expected to help because I wanted money and had to earn it (fair enough) but Joe claims he didn't need money and therefore got away with it scott free!

At 12, I had a paper ound with my 13 year old friend, at 13, I got my own one, at 14 I worked evenings at our local beauty salon on reception, at 15 we moved to Sandy and I started working at a hotel as a waitress, at 16 I worked at the chip shop and in Budgens, as soon as I left school I worked full time (which I am STILL doing now!).

I have paid for every single thing myself for Evie. No-one has had to help me financially and as far as I'm concerned, it's my problem, and I should do it myself. I'm a very proud person so at least I can look back and say I did all by myself without a penny off anyone else!! Wish my brother had a bit of that in him

I just feel p*ssed off with everything. I've stopped tidying up for today and I'm going to tell Mum I don't really fancy Asda today (probably accompanied by a smug look on my face knowing me) - I'm immature aren't I?! lol Oh dear...

 

[mamichuli]

It sounds to me like you would be better off going to the council and getting your own place, you would have to do everything yrself, but only for you and Evie. Course your family might miss you he he

Dont you think that sainthood is a bit much?

Maybe a family conference is in order? Actually, of all of them yr lazy bro is the one who is acting in character for his age, but SOMEBODY (can't think who ) should be teaching him manners?

I'll pm ya, might be able to help a bit, I hope..
You need to sort it chick, ya dont deserve this

Lisa

 

[dannii87]

Aww thanks for the reply hun!

Thanks for the advice. I will be going to our local housing association anyway, might just try to rush it through a bit quicker!!

I was a bit of a cow just a minute ago, I asked Joe to take his washing up that I'd just dried and he said "no" and went on to tell me to f*ck off. So I went to our laundry basket, chucked all his dirty washing BACK in his bedroom and have mixed his wet washing and dry unironed clean clothes and put them on his bed. Hopefully they'll stink a bit soon and he'll get the hint lol

Oh, and, with that not being QUITE enough revenge, I said "Oh Joe, do you have any money?" and he said "A bit, why?" and I said "Coz you owe me for that MacDonald's last night" SO... Hopefully he'll give me that too! x

 

[mrs_tommo22]

Dannii Id have ripped my hair out by now if that was me!

I agree with the above and seriously consider going to your housing association, your not a maid and you are pregnant too and work full time - your job is not to clear up after them. Your mum was out of order too putting you down like that too - it made my teeth grit reading it and could feel my temper rising!

I really feel for you - get your own place hun and your mum will realise how much you did do for her and your family.

 

[louxlouxbellex]

Aww poor you, that would do my head in! Hopefully the housing will manage to sort you out with a place.

My cousin Jack sounds the same as your brother, he is 21 & doesn't work, because he is in a band therefore couldn't work as well as be in the band (accordingly to him).

It's so frustrating because like you I was had a part time job from about 13. Jack stays at my mums alot and leaves is dishes laying around which annoyes her cos she works full time and why should she come home to clean after him Jack also claims he doesn't need money either but when you know he has no money and is going to have to walk into town you end up giving him money, so although he doesn't actually ask for £££ he makes it clear that he doesn't have any and then people (my mum, me & my sis) end up dishing out to him. He has it far too easy! I don't understand why he doesn't want to earn his own £££ and be independent!

You should be starting to take things easy now, not running around after everyone else in your house

 

[dannii87]

Thanks Mrs Tommo

I just decided to have a chat with my Mum about it and she said "you'll end up pushing him away" and "you were nagging him this morning and he DOES take clothes up sometimes when I ask him, ok, it's not straight away, but you don't do it straight away either" which is fair enough, but I work full time, pay rent AND buy additional stuff for the house on top of that!!

I'm really angry. She just said that if I don't like it then I should put in my application for housing ASAP and I said I will do, don't worry. She said that she shouldn't have to be reiterating rules because he lives at my dads - he doesn't, he flits between the 2 houses!

Because my little brother lives with my dad, she's too scared to say anything to Joe in case he doesn't come down any more. An allegation which she STRONGLY denies.

She said I've woken up in a bad mood this morning and will regret it when Joe "doesn't want to know me anymore". WTF?!

I had a bad dream the other night that my brother committed suicide and it gutted me, so much so that I didn't want to go back to sleep in case the dream carried on, she knew how much it affected me and she had the cheek to say "you have a bad dream and you're all "oh no, I love Joe soooo much" and yet you nag him today?!" she also said she's not happy about me talking about it on the forum and acting all "Cinderella like" (her words...)

GRRRRRR I am so angry and livid. She really doesn't understand how put out I feel and how alone I feel in a way because I am expected to do all this and he isn't. It genuinely is-not-fair!!

 

[dannii87]

Thanks louxlouxbellex!! Maybe they should meet up? They sound very similar!!

x

 

[NickyB]

Ohhhh, f**kin' hell that would annoy me so much!! It sounds like she knows you're not going anywhere and you'll need her once Evie's here but she's so worried about losing your brother she'll let him get away with murder! Why can't she see how unfair she's being?

I can't recommend anything, I'd be absolutely livid if I were you!

 

[Tadpole]

Oh sweetie - this would annoy the f**k out of me.

I don't think you're being mean when you dump his stuff back in his room. It isn't up to you to run around after everyone. Unfortunately teenage boys (and not-so-teenage boys) can be right lazy sh*ts. And if someone is doing it for them then they have no incentive to do it themselves. I bet if you stopped your bro wouldn't really be bothered. I certainly don't think he would be 'driven away' just because he has to do a few dishes or a load of laundry.

Maybe, instead of talking to your mum you could just talk to your bro and explain that you are feeling upset. You don't necessarily need to make it an issue, just a quiet chat that as you are pregnant & working full-time could he give you a hand - as the next 'man down' in the house so to speak. Kinda like - if you puff up his importance to you as a man as opposed to just a lil bro then he may step up to that?

In the meantime... And go lay on your bed with a MOUNTAIN of chocolate.

 

[MagicMarkers]

If everyones blaming you for trying to be saint like about it, maybe just stop talking to everyone and start acting like your brother does a bit, not being a dirty little bugger, but just do your won washing, washing up etc and see what happens ? Id be able to do it for about 2 days then it'd niggle me so much i know id end up doing it anyway. But maybe if your proactive about it, at least they cant wind you up ! Im nto sure what it is about that age but my brothers much the same, dont live with him so its not so bad but whenever he comes over he leaves everything hes used out, butter on the side nothing washed up, unpluggs the freezer the other day to plug in an electric whisk ( at 2am ) and when i came down in the morning it had defrosted !!!
I dont know what to do with em honestly, but youve got more than a good reason to be pissed off, youve got a ton of responsibiility coming your way, and fair enough cooking, cleaning washing, ironing and buying for your own child, but doing it for your brother without any sort of thanks is just too much !!

 

[dannii87]

You're right girls, thank you!!

Scatterpatch - I'm currently sitting with 3 empty cups around me, I left my place mat out after dinner and my shoes aren't in the shoe cupboard..

I'm such a rebel 8)

 

[MagicMarkers]

lol thats the spirit !!! The funny thing is i bet you feel well naughty !!!

 

[dannii87]

LOL I actually do!! Oh the shame... I might go and key next door's car now

 

[Mildly]

Dannii I certainly wouldn't do his washing

In fact I would just clear up after youself! I will never let my son get away without pulling his weight housework wise.

at you feeling naughty

 

[nickilubs]

Hehehe yaah sounds soooo familiar! My older brother (22) and my little brother (15) are like this too they get everything done for them and they sit and play "Cooouunntteerrr strrrriike" have to say it like that coz it turns them into zombies! I love them to bits but they can be so lazy. I was the same as you I started working in a meat packing factory when I was 14 and then managed to get a floristry job at 15 and thats when I left school and started working 56hours a week!!!! I was very stupid to do it but I wanted to do floristry so bad that I worked the most stupid hours that my boss told me I had to do!! Now I know i dont. Anyways when I moved back home last year after splitting up with my ex I would pay my way (if I didn't I would get asked for it) I would do my washing/Ironing and tidied the house. And the only reason my meals got cooked for me was because I was working in a city a bit far away and wouldn't get home till about 7.30-8.00pm.

My older brother works with my oldest brother now out of force from my mum but he doesn't pay rent or anything. I think the thing with us is that mum and dad couldn't afford all 3 of us living at home but they can afford the 2 of them there so thats why I would have to pay and do my things. I always have I think its just when your a girl you are expected too! Sad but its true!

at leaving a plate out oooo you rebel!

 

[trixipaws]

ur brother sounds so lazy and selfish- i'd find it soooooooooo annoying if i was u! u, on the other hand, sound very mature and grown-up

nickilubs, my boyf plays counter strike too! he has a bluetooth headset and plays with his mates too i dont get it- nothing happens! when u die u just come back to life? wheres the challenge lol

 

[Laura_James&Amber]

OMG Dannii, how an earth do you put up with all that? I would end up going completely bonkers! Your brother reminds me so much of how my uncle used to be (and still is sometimes). My nan used to do absolutely everything for him. He lived with her until he was 30 and then she moved down to Weston - super - mare and he took over the mortgage so at the age of 30 he's never even had to find anywhere to live and fend for himself. He had all meals cooked for him AND taken up to his room! Didn't do his share of housework, and didn't have to pay a penny towards his keep. He's always worked but never stuck at a job for that long and he is absolutely s***t managing his money. At one time he had court orders because he owed so much and he ignored them because he thought they would just "go away" and who had to sort him out? my nan. my mum & dad and me. He's settled down now as he's married with a baby on the way (though he can barely look after himself) but he's still stupid with money and his wife (bless her) does everything for him. He's still my nan's golden boy.
Good on you though for standing up for yourself and showing your family you won't be messed about. You need to think about yourself for a change, it sounds like you are always thinking of others and trying to keep the peace. Concentrate on you and your daughter.
Hope things improve for you soon hun

 

[bonuspregnant]

I agree with everyone on here - go on strike!

Buy take-away meals and don't bin them, don't make your bed, don't do any washing, ironing, pots etc. Live like Waynetta Slob for a while. I know it'll drive you up the wall but hey ho!

Stop being Cinderella and start being more like the wicked witch!!!