Going Crazy With NO SEX

[bgirl26]

I'm new to this whole forum thing but I don't know where else to turn. I love my husband more than anything but he never wants to have sex. Don't get me wrong, I know he is not cheating and that he does love me. He was in a bad car accident last September and now his back is really messed up. It hurts him to have sex in almost any position. When he is on pain meds he can't get in the mood but when he doesn't take them he hurts to much. But lately it has gotten to the point that we don't even kiss, cuddle, make out or anything! He is afraid that it will lead to sex and he doesn't want that. I had to beg him to let me give him a blow job! And now he is having self confidence issue with his weight. Since he hurt his back he cant work out and he has put on a little weight. And only like 30lbs! He was so thin and muscular before that I think this just goes to his head. I try to convince him that he is just as sexy to me as the day I married him but he won't believe me. In this past year we have only had sex 3 times! I can't take it anymore. I don't know what to do. How do I convince him that I still find him attractive? I will do anything to get some intimacy back in our marriage.

Thanks for reading!

 

[Sprk]

Hi there. I can relate hun.....my dh has a chronic pain condition and even with meds is in constant pain. And his pain is down in his groin. We haven't dtd since January (or was it march? I forget) Anyways, we've just found other ways to show each other affection. Cuddling, kissing, and even telling each other how we're feeling. I'm just a few weeks postpartum - so it ain't happening in this house anyways lol, but even before that I was always careful to not make him feel pressured. Not being able to perform is very hard to accept (whether your a man or woman btw). Personally, although I miss sex, I don't want it if I know it's going to put him in agony. I don't have much advice to offer......but maybe try just holding hands when possible and go on from there.

 

[bgirl26]

Thank you for understanding. I don't want to have sex either if it is going to make him miserable but I do miss sex. Hopefully as winter gets closer maybe that will be the excuse to cuddle up a little closer.

 

[lisey]

Maybe assure him that being intimate in other ways doesn't have to have the pressure of it leading to sex. I personally don't have a high sex drive so wouldn't miss that but I would miss the kisses, cuddles, holding hands etc. Maybe if you get the basics back and connect again in that way then it may helps things along. It must be very difficult to have that pain all the time, could he have physio? I don't even know if it would help but just a thought xx