Giving Birth Alone?????

[amandapanda]

Has anyone ended up doing this??

I have been a bit concerned all through my pregnancy because my husband is still living and working in London during the week and lives with me from Fri night to Tues morning. He's been trying so hard to get a job here but so far it's not happened. The thing is even if he does get a job here in the next couple of weeks it looks like it will just be a temp/agency position and he will not get holiday pay or paternity leave or anything like that. Obviously with agency jobs they can get rid of you at any time so he is basically saying that if he has just started a new job he won't be able to leave mid shift if I go into labour.

I think it's a cultural thing too - hubby is African and in their culture it is very rare for men to be at the birth and the women just accept that they get on with it on their own! He knows I really want him with me and he says he wants to be there too but I just have a feeling that there is a real chance he won't be. If baby comes on a weekend (he's due on a Sunday) all will be fine!! I do feel he will really miss out if he isn't there!!

I have a friend who says she is happy to be my birth partner which is so kind of her - but she has 2 kids herself and also works so what if she can't make it either?? I'm really beginning to think that there is a real chance I will end up having this baby on my own......I know if that happens I will just have to deal with it and I'm sure the midwives will be lovely, but has anyone else had this experience??? xxx

 

[PinkPunch]

hope he makes it for the birth. In saying that, my hubby was going to the toilet every 5minutes and I didn't notice lol

 

[Sunnyb]

I know it might sound strange as you've never met me. But seriously don't be alone if you don't want to. I live in West Yorkshire, I work part-time & hubby is home weekends & week nights. If you would like me to help I would be more than happy to. It all depends on how comfortable you'd feel & I can always come & meet up with you before bubs is due so you at least get to know me beforehand! Honestly if you want some company & encouragement I'm happy to help hun x

Sunnyb xxx

 

[emmaandjayden]

I may well be at the birth by myself. My ex and I split before I found out I was pregnant and we do not get on at all. He lives about 3/4's of an hour from where I want to give birth, which is also about an hour from me and I may not even have tie to get there, but to be honest he is no support and I will just be stressed if he is there so that's no good as it would be better to be alone than have him there and feel alone and anxious that he is there. I already have a 5 year old who I will have to get someone to have when I am in labour. As much as she wants to be there it will be way to distressing for her to see me in pain. i live in the middle of nowhere really not close to family. My neighbours who were going to help had to book their holiday so I may well have to call an ambulance and hope that my friends who also have kids and my sister can get to me in time. Ihave lost both my mum and dad so if I am alone then I have to imagine they are both there with me. At the end of the day its a mare not knowing when and where I am going to go into labour. Hopefully I will be with a friend or family if not an ambulance it is. When you are due can you not go and stay with someone if it's a night he is not with you. Good luck but you're not alone on this one hun xxxx

 

[cherelle]

Thats lovely of you SunnyB!

Awww Amanda i really hope your OH can make the birth - im sure he can call in sick or make up some excuse to leave when he hears youve gone into labour if hes away at work? x

 

[heidi-hi]

Aww amanda, I really hope it all works out for u and your husband gets to be there with u for the birth, or at least your friend so your not alone.*

I've got a similar situation going on with oh working away but its different in that i know that I wouldn't be alone as I have my mum, family and friends all around me... BUT its oh i want there more than anyone. I plan to have both him and my mum with me because of oh being far away but i know my mum will just leave us to it if/when he is there... Ready for an essay?!!!

I'm in N.Wales and he is just in the process of getting moved from Devon to Aldershot for a 9month*course. I only see him a fri, sat and sun of each week. It happens that from the 16th of June he will have 2weeks leave,,, I'm due 21st so I'm hoping and praying that baby makes an appearance in these 2weeks, otherwise it will be a case of him getting the call and getting back as soon as possible. He says he will just leave even if it means having to redo a part of the course... I'm just trying not to think about it too much! Just hope if he isn't on his 2weeks off that I don't have a quick labour or I don't get any false alarms an him have to redo some of the course for nothing!!!!

Fingers and everything crossed for u xxxx

 

[mumofmany]

I have often worried about doing it alone because of the way my labours are, i really hope your oh can be there for you, and with your friend having kids already that shoud be no problem for her to get there, if she make pans now, i have 5 children and i was my friends birthing partner my mum and dad knew so if my hubby was working they were minding and it worked out well that 3 boys were sleeping out already that night so my mum just had to get the girls for me.

 

[pinkymum]

That is so lovely of sunny B

I hope he can be there for you Amanda! My close friend will be my birthing partner, I just hope I'd things kick off in the middle of the night that I'll be able to wake her with me calling her. Sometimes 5 alarms don't wake her up!!!!! I'm thinking I might stay at mums foot a few days near my due date.

If you are on your own maybe a student mw will sit with you for a while?

 

[titch]

yeah i think if youre on your own they'd get a HCA or student to be with you.

 

[LilyMac]

Aww sunnyb that's so nice of you!!

I'm pretty sure even in a temp or new job if your partner goes into labour you are entitled to go to her, just not entitle to any paternity leave so he'd have to go back when you'd given birth.
I had my OH there with me and to be honest he weren't much help as he was so scared he just sat in the corner trying not to pass out lol it was a bit crap that he wasn't involved but the midwives were amazing and 95% of them usually are so don't worry if you absolutely have to be alone because you will still have support it would just be your OH that misses out.

Hope he makes it though, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you x

 

[Lexusno1]

Awww, Sunny B, that's such a generous offer and if I was closer myself I'd join you in offering. I think it's a fab idea rather than doin it alone personally. Hope it doesn't come to that tho Amanda hun.

I think if it did come down to that you would get everything that you needed from the midwives (well one would hope) but it's once little man actually arrives, it's only right that that moment is shared with Mum and Dad (if that's the set up).

I bet he makes it to the birth and not wishing a marathon labour upon you but I know Michael could have made it from anywhere in the UK to me from when I had my first twinge to when he was born so fingers crossed he'd have enough time to get to you in any case.

Xxxx

 

[amandapanda]

Awww thanks SunnyB what a lovely and kind offer, you are a sweetheart!! I think I need to chat to my friend first about an actual plan to see if really she can be there with me......plus I have thought of another friend who may do it aswell, a kind of back up, back up.....

I guess I am just thinking of worst case scenario....say hubby can't or won't come and friend is at work and not answering her phone.....but guess there is usually time during labour for someone to make their way over even if they don't pick up the message straight away.

I am 99% sure that any new job hubby started would totally understand if he said 'please can I leave early, my wife is in labour', but the problem is he is basically refusing to ask! He doesn't want to make a bad first impression and comes from a culture where it is not normal for a man to take time off work for the birth so he feels it would look bad on him to ask.....we've talked and talked about it and I'm not really getting anywhere so am having to come up with back up plans to cover every eventuality! The best I can expect from him is he will be with me at the birth if he isn't working....so lets pray that baby comes on the weekend when he's due!!

Thanks everyone, I'm sure it'll work out....just need to have a proper plan in place I think xxx

 

[LilyMac]

Well chances are if his employer isn't of the same culture then they wouldn't know that that's the norm in that culture (I didn't until you said) so they'd hardly look down on him iykwim? So drill that into his head lol if he doesn't want to be there then there's not really much you can do other than beg and explain how special it is. Is he easy to talk to? Like if you tried explaining how you felt would it just end up in an argument? If not then the only thin I can think of I pleading your case so to speak, tell him exactly how much it would mean to you and how genuinely special it would be for him as well.
Or maybe he's just terrified of the thought and is using his culture as a reason so he doesn't look a wimp lol I don't know, sorry can't be much help chick x

 

[Sunnyb]

You are more than welcome Amandapanda! It's good you have a couple of back up plans & I really really hope hubby can be there (& I'm sure he will be).
I just know how I'd feel on my own & I hate the thought of thinking you would be on your own. So the offer is there if you need a back up of a back up of a back up
Hope all your plans fall into place & I have everything crossed that hubby will be there for the arrival of your little man x

Sunnyb xxx

 

[titch]

I hope you get through to him Make him watch One born every minute, the men are always there!

 

[purplehippy]

I'd suggest getting to know SunnyB anyway, another person to link up with! And what a lovely suggestion, too.

I offered to be there for my friend but her partner decided he'd be there anyway, so I looked after their other kids instead, with another dready friend.

The idea of going it alone freaks me out, I'm already so worried about going into labour and not being able to get hold of my Martin.

I'm so sorry to hear you have lost both parents. My oh has no parents either, it's cutting him up that they won't meet their second grandchild (his dad didn't even meet their first, he's been gone a long time). And I hope all you single preglets out there find someone to be with you for the birth xxx

 

[emmaandjayden]

I hope you get through to him Make him watch One born every minute, the men are always there!

Most of the men there are idiots and no support at all lol. I don't know how some of these women don't throw them out! lol xx