Worry ruining a happy time.

Discussion in 'Third Trimester' started by -Cat-, Sep 7, 2005.

  1. -Cat-

    -Cat- Well-Known Member

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    Well my OH has been having a bit of a crap time at work recently. He is a graphic designer and the department he works in have hit some problems, its been going on for a little while but on Monday they had a meeting to discuss the departments future, whether the company sell it off, or try to find positions for its staff within other departments etc. Obviously a bit of a stressfull time for everyone. However they are a really good company who have a lot of big clients andthey win awards for how well they take care of there staff. The main agency are now recruiting for loads of staff as they have won a couple of massive contracts, and Im sure OH could just walk into a job in that department without a problem. Its just that everything is very uncertain at the moment. The meeting was called to let then know what they were thinking of doing, but that a decision whouldnt be made untill the begining of Oct.

    . . . And the baby is due on the 3rd Oct!

    OH keeps reasuring me that things will be fine and he may just move into another department, but I spent loads of last night feeling really scared and cryng my eyes out. Which then made OH feel bad about upsetting me, and he said that perhaps it would be better if he didnt talk to me about it. But I dont want to be kept in the dark!

    Dispite his reasurances that things will be okay and its not anything to worry about I just feel like its put a dark cloud over what should be a happy and exciting time! Instead Im affraid that we will have the baby and OH will be on his parternety leave, not knowing if he even will have a job to go back to. He says its not that bad and nothing is going to effect the whole birth new baby thing but he already seems really miserable and distant like he is pre-occupied and going to bed early without really talking to me.

    Sorry to seem like a right moaner, I just feel that me and baby are putting a huge stress on him and everything just seems so uncertain, and instead of feeling happy and excited Im just scared about our future.


    :( :( :( :( :( :(
     
  2. Sarah W Baby Belly

    Sarah W Baby Belly Well-Known Member

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    I worry all the time about whether we will earn enough money to cope and I get really worried about what would happen if one of us lost our jobs.

    As I am a constant worrier about this sort of thing, I totally understand how you are feeling.

    On the bright side, people always cope and get through. No matter what happens the baby will get what it needs and you will find a way through. People always find a solution.

    Let us know how things go.
     
  3. hope

    hope Well-Known Member

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    Oh cat! I know how u feel! I feel lousy & stressed too at times about other things. Remember, we r always there to lend a ear if u ever want to moan. As Sarah said, things will always sort themseves out. I know thats no consolation, but try to take it one day at a time.Resolutely block out tomorrow & enjoy 2day .

    Cheer up girlie.Luv,
    Hope
     
  4. hope

    hope Well-Known Member

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    Cat, Ive posted a poem under the topic "for all of us having a lousy time" U might have read it before, but hope it will cheer u up.

    XX Hope
     
  5. petchy

    petchy Well-Known Member

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    i hope things work out ok cat! your OH deeming "distant" as you put it might just be that he's a little stressed and trying not to worry you with things. my OH "shuts off" when he's worried/stressed too, i've told him to open up and talk to me but he never does.

    it can be hard sometimes, i always worry how we'll cope financially when baby is born as statutory mat pay is appalling! i can't believe that in a wealthy country like this our role (as women) in bringing new generations into the world is deemed to be worth so little.

    keep positive! many positive wishes for you and OH. xx
     
  6. lisa31

    lisa31 Well-Known Member

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    Im glad im not alone on this. I actually took half a days holiday after getting into a state about pannicking about what money we will have (or wont have!) when I go on maternity leave. Took the time off with D/H to go through out bank accounts and discuss what we are going to do and about Christmas (we have just about decided that we cannot afford to buy Christmas presents this year and we also have 10 birthdays in December too - :cry: ) Thing is I love buying christmas presents etc so it will be very difficult to try and tell people we cant afford it this year.

    I agree Petchy - in the grand scheme of things women are on this earth to give birth to the next generation - we are then punnished because we then go out and work hard for a living because we have to stop that for a while to have a baby. Its disgusting. We should be paid full pay.

    Moan over!

    L x
     
  7. Rosebay

    Rosebay Well-Known Member

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    Hi,

    my husband got made redundant two weeks ago!! He was working for a really nasty man in a very small company that has looked dodgy for the past few years but it is finally on the rocks for good now. We'd been saving for when this happened as he's wanted to get out and do something himself or freelance for ages but while he was still being paid better money than I earn in my public sector job he'd been sticking at it with gritted teeth! He's been a graphic designer in the past too Cat and went freelance for a short period before. There is always work for designers, although it might be boring and tedious bit jobs, it's a very practical skill to have. And of course if you have a computer with the right programmes at home you can do it from there too! We're not sure exactly what the plan is yet as he has several irons in the fire but in the meantime he's doing bits and pieces of freelance stuff and we're tightening our belts! I'm surprised that now it has happened (I had worried about it hapenning now before!) I'm actually not panicing! When I get in from work he has the house tidy and a meal on the table and he's really happy and relaxed which he hasn't been for years in this horrid job!

    As our sprog is due at the end of November I think we're going to give ourselves until the New Year to really take stock of all of these changes. We're both 30 in the next fortnight and we kind of feel like everything is a new fresh begining and a bit of an adventure! We've never really lived the high life, gone travelling like our friends have, we don't even run a car as we live in a big City and walk everywhere so our living costs are pretty low . There are always call centre jobs around here (we've both done it!) so if we get into financial trouble that is our backup plan! Also my DH says he'd rather be an office cleaner, which he's also done, than work for a company like the one he was in where he was miserable.

    Anyway, I suppose what I'm saying is that you'll most probably be ok whatever happens- you might just have to re-think stuff for the time being. Having a baby is such a huge shake up that in a way now the job shake up has happened too the job thing doesn't actually seem as bad as maybe I thought it would be even though I used to lie awake worrying about it like you've been doing! It also means that when our baby arrives we'll both be here to hope with the first few weeks and even before it arrives I've got someone doing housework and cooking for me which is actually pretty cool!

    Every cloud has a silver lining, all things happen for a reason etc etc! I think we're all a hell of a lot more tough than we think and when actually faced with our worries coming true we deal a lot better than we think we will in the middle of the night worrying about the possibility of it happening! My husband and I are both big worriers by the way- he even gets anxiety induced depression but oddly enough now our fears are kind of here we're not as stressed as we were before! Hope it lasts!!

    You'll be fine! Chin up hun!
    +++
    p.s. as for Xmas I'm such a skin flint that for the past few years I've just been making people stuff anyway! It's time costly but not money costly and I'm thinking that since I've got a couple of weeks hopefully of maternity leave before my life goes upside down I won't mind sitting in a chair making things! One year I got some good quality olive oil and some bottles and made garlic and rosemary and chilli oil that I'd enfused myself (i.e. whacked in together in a big jar for a few months!), some chocolate truffles and book thongs made from black thread and beads. Last year I did chutneys and pickled onions and marmalade (I'd never done this before but it's loads easier than you think- I can't cook well enough to bake a cake so it must be easy!) and this year I think it might be more chutney (as people seemed to like it) but if not I might get some cheap towels from somewhere and embroider them with funny things- not sure what yet! Ok- my husband's family think I'm weird and strange but certainly with edible gifts they don't actually mind! Also- we're due at the end of November so I think that cancelling Xmas Pressies if you have too (even from a shopping point of view!) is totally ok! We all have a very very good excuse ladies and many years to make it up! How about making cards with little a i.o.u. a Christmas vouchers in them? Maybe when we're all sorted next year we can invite family over for an Xmas lunch in June or something and have crackers and presents then!!
     
  8. -Cat-

    -Cat- Well-Known Member

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    Thank you all for your words of support and advice.
    Things seem a little better now. OH is being pro-active and has arranged to speak to one of the company directors about taking up a position in the main agency, which he would stand an excellent chance of getting, after all companies tend to opt for internal applicants anyway as they know more about them etc. He sent me a text message from work this morning too, apologising for the way he has been treating me recently and how he shouldnt be taking these things out on me, and has requested lots of cuddles to make up for it tonight. Who knows I may even manage to get a back rub out of it!

    Oh and Rosebay, I love your ideas on making gift for people, I think its a lovely idea, a real personal touch. I might do that myself this year, as something fun to do, that will also keep costs down.
     
  9. lisa31

    lisa31 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks rosebay - that was an excellent post. I have been thinking about making presents this year now. Dont want to not give anything. Me and D/H have both stopped drinking and smoking and it would be a shame if we couldnt have Christmas to look forward to after all our hardwork. So I have decided to make stuff.

    I was in the attic last night clearing out stuff for a car boot Im doing on satruday and I found loads of artifical flowers and ribbons etc from my wedding so Im going to make things from them - get some nice soaps or a lush bath bomb and give those out. I love the voucher idea - Might do that for D/H - im sure he wont want a bar of soap :lol:

    Great ideas! thanks for that - I was going off on one again tonight working out how the hell we are going to manage after the babys born - but you have given me hope!!!!!

    L x
     
  10. Rosebay

    Rosebay Well-Known Member

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    I'm craft obsessed so it gives me a good excuse with my DH to do more as it saves money ho ho! (otherwise he gets bored of my crafty bits everywhere!)

    This is a brilliant resource:-

    http://www.craftster.org/forum/

    People on there do free tutorials on just about every craft you can think of. There is a Winter festivals forum where there are lots of Xmas ideas but there are also ones for home made bath stuff and beauty products which come in useful at Xmas. The one for Baby Showers is cool as there are lots of nice baby crafts in there ;). Good Housekeeping magazine do Xmas specials with heaps of ideas for home made gifts too. I haven't done it yet but I saw an idea in there last year for a nice jar filled with whatever kind of cake or muffin mix you like that just requires the egg and the liquid to be added, then you make a nice label with the cooking instructions- the gift of cake kind of thing! Actually I just checked Google and there are hundreds of recipes for this idea, here are some:-

    http://dmoz.org/Home/Cooking/Gifts_in_a_Jar/

    Once you've worked out the US Cup measuring system there are a lot of ideas there and I guess you could include a cheap muffin/cake/brownie tin or maybe just a wooden spoon with a ribbon round it..? Hmm! Might have to do a couple of those at least!! I was worried the first year I did it that it might seem cheap to make stuff but actually people seemed really pleased to think that I'd spent time actually thinking of them- I think we're all relatively more cash rich and time poor these days than in our parents' time so strangely spending time on some of my family and friends pleased them more than when I went out of my way to think of a bought present to buy them...

    +++
     
  11. -Cat-

    -Cat- Well-Known Member

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    Rosebay, you have now inspired me! Im going to make christmas hampers with home made food stuff and beauty stuff for all mine and OH families, Things like xmas cake, preserves and jams, oils, and all sort of yummy stuff and soaps and bath bombs and face scrubs! Will be great fun to do aswell as I love making things!

    OH came home with info on this aswell last night, though it might be of interest to your OH if he is doing freelance work now, looks like a pretty good regular source of income. . . .

    http://www.designjobs.co.uk/search/jobd ... p+operator
     
  12. Rosebay

    Rosebay Well-Known Member

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    Cat- you're a star! Thanks a lot I'll pass it on to my DH :) :)

    Have a great time making stuff and let me know what you do as I'm always after ideas :)

    +++
     

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