Gender Worried (abit of a long post)

[one4three]

Is anyone else worried about the gender of their baby? I feel so guilty in feeling this way but I have my heart set on having a girl & part of me feels as if I will feel dissapointed if I get told I am having a boy....Obviously I'll love my baby regardless but this is really getting me down at the moment.

The babys dad and I split up around the time I found out I was pregnant. We had been together for 2 & half years and was also living together and I found out he had been cheating on me for about 2 months which i had no idea about, so there I was back at my mums and pregnant, at the time I felt very low and I also went through a period of not being a 100% certain weather or not I was going to continue my pregnancy or not, obviously I decided on keeping my baby as a termination really wasn't for me (and I also had a m/c last Oct which I didn't have a say in but obviously I had a say in keeping this baby) so anyway....(Sorry for the essay!!)

I am still madly in love with my ex and we see each other on a regular basis (although there is no chance of us getting back together!) but I think its going to be harder for me having a little boy looking identical to his daddy...My ex has a 6yr old son who is a splitting image of him so I can kinda picture what our son would look like...

Im keeping my fingers crossed baby is healthy (which she/he seems to be!!) but I am also keeping them crossed that im carrying a girl also as I really really don't want a little boy & am worrying daily about this, I have even been looking at just baby boy clothes trying to ''syke'' myself up incase i do get told I am expecting a boy - which makes me feel even worse & the closer my 20week scan is coming the more & more this is upsetting me...I've had sleepless nights over this too & am begining to feel ashamed about the way i feel, I haven't been able 2 speak to anyone about this as I feel no one will be able to understand but my ex put me through so much bother during my first 3months of pregnancy and has basically broken my heart into a thousand peices i just want a lil girl...

Should I feel guilty for how I am feeling or is this quite common?

 

[Steelgoddess]

All that should really matter is if your baby is healthy.

However I can see where your worrys may be coming from ie the son looking like the Dad maybe?

Unfortunatly not only boys can look like their fathers but girls can too and the same works for you the baby might be the spitting image of you.

I know its easier said then done but try not to get yourself worked up (although a breakup would not be helping) .

Maybe try visualise yourself having a son and how you would love him and care for him and give him lots of cuddles and hugs...

 

[Jade&Evie]

Try not to worry. I promise you that by the time you have baby in your arms you won't care what it looks like or what bits it has- you'll be too in love to realise!

Gender won't affect how your baby looks-My OHs family all look the same so I can only presume they have strong genes- am totally expecting baby to look like him! Shame, cause everyone knows I am the brains AND the beauty....

 

[Miss.Monroe]

Althought me and my OH didnt have a prefrence when it came to the sex of our baby, we both thought that she would be a boy! everyone around us said she would be a boy too. i got so used to the idea when i was told she was a girl we were both silenced!

It took us both a while to get used to it ( and that was without us having a prefrence!) so i dont think its a good idea for you to be in the mindset that you 'dont want' a boy. have you ever thought that a girl could look the spit of your ex too? its possible.

You are given what you are given, with so many people desperate to have a baby who cant, and people who try and try and loose them. You HAVE to be greatful that you have been given the chance to have your own children and find peace in the fact that as long as YOUR (thats what it is) baby arrives healthy and with no complications (when so many other peoples children dont make it or have problems.) you are still a very lucky girl.

dont think that you want a girl over a boy, think that you want a healthy happy child. i know its hard when you get drawn to all the girly clothes in the shop. but i know one thing for sure, either way once they put your baby in your arms you will find it difficult to imagine him OR her as anything else.

hope this helps

 

[*Star*]

I am EXACTLY the same as you. I have my gender scan in a months time.

It's slightly different for me though, as I already have two boys. So to me, I would be devastated if baby is another boy. That doesn't mean I wouldn't love him, I would love him just as much as my other two boys, but I would mourn and grieve over the fact that I am not having a girl.

I found a great website about gender disapointment. The forum on there has a lot of very knowledgeable women on there who are going through the same thing.

I will pm you the link because I'm not sure if we are allowed to post links in the main forum.

People have told me that it is best to find out as soon as you can because then you have time to prepare and buy the boy's clothes etc.
Don't feel like your alone. Lots of people have thoughts about baby's gender, in fact I'm sure I posted about it a few weeks ago on here.

I'll pm you with the link now

 

[one4three]

I have been trying to visualise having a son, kinda why i've been looking at boys clothing...but at the same time It gets me even more upset, it sounds silly I know & I feel so guilty and selfish feeling this way.

My family have quite strong genes but at the same time so does his! I do hope that my genes over take his and the baby is more smiluar looking to me than her/his dad because I don't wanna be feeling this way once my baby is here, which I know deep down I wont!!!!

I am praying the baby comes out healthy & obviously I'll love her/him either way but untill Im holding my baby in my arms I just feel like im going to be worrying about this untill I give birth!! My mum sufferd post natal depression and I know its very common & can hit anyone, but by worrying about this I do fear that I mite bring it on myself...

Thanks for your replys though girls, Im just gonna try and concerntrate on other things other than worrying about the gender (yep easier said than done) but i cant go on worrying about this, like you said Miss.Monroe I am VERY LUCKY and Im sure alot of people out there would frown on how I am feeling.

Thanks *Star* I'll check that out, I felt like I was the only person in the world feeling this way!!

xx

 

[Jade&Evie]

Maybe it would be best to stay Team Green- there's no way you would be disappointed once you've got your baby in your arms!

I had a look at that link- I didn't realise it was so common!

 

[Riot_Grrrl]

i felt so relieved when i read this post (sorry).. i feel exactly the same way ..only WORSE. i have 2 lovley boys who i idolise, plus i lost a son ..he was 18 months in a terrible accident. this time around i would do ANYTHING for another boy, it's not a case of replacing the little one that i lost because since losing him i had a wonderful boy Tyler who i adore.. all my thoughts dreams are about me having a litle girl and abandoning her which of course would never happen. i have decided to find out the sex at my scan (8th may) because i'm going to have to prepare myself if told we are team pink...i feel so strongly that if told before i conceived that it was to be a girl....i wouldn't have got PG

 

[Chrissy1]

I know this is going to sound odd but it's not only boys that look like their dads! I featured my dad a lot more than my brother did when we were babies. Same with my firend....her 9 month old daughter is the double of her dad and her son looked more like her when he was a baby. Obviously I don't look like my dad now and neither does everyone used to comment on how much I looked like him when I was baby.

I know what you mean though.....for very different reasons I also really wnt a girl and I'm starting to get really worried that I'll resent the baby if it's a boy.

 

[Penstraze]

Im the spitting image of my Dad lots of people say that I definately take more after him then my Mum in lots of ways! I am sure whatever sex you have you will adore him/her!

I am a little worried about others being disapointed about the sex of our baby we will try and find out at scan next week and OH and alot of our families want him/her to be a girl and I have to confess theres a part of me secretly hoping its a girl all I can envisage is having a girl but I know it wont mater at the end of the day we'll all love him/her whatever!

 

[Bagpuss17]

They say that babies tend to look like their fathers regardless of gender, something to do with the survival instinct.

I'm sure once baby is here, you'll be so in love with him/her it really won't matter what gender it is.

Try not to worry about it, so much easier said than done.

 

[Mildly]

Yes I heard that babies always resemble their fathers in order to make them stick around and assist with the providing for the family - pretty sure this dates back to cave man times, although I think it helps the Dad bond nowadays.

Sorry to hear that you've had a hard time with your relationship From the beginning of my pregnancy I was worried about having a little girl as I thought I wouldn't be able to relate to a real girly girl. In the lead up to my scan I had convinced that I was having a girl and actually thought through my initial reaction and got to the point where I was able to feel pleased about the thought of having a girl. My main issue hinged with the pinkness of girl As soon as I realised there was no set rule about having to dress my LO in pink or buy her dolls, I felt a lot happier about things. Turns out we are having a boy, which we are over the moon at, but I am confident I would have been just the same if we were having a girl too

It may be worth trying to figure out your boy issues and see whether they do go any deeper than your worry that your son may look like his father. Perhaps you are also worried that you might not be able to relate to a boy as well as your ex and that you will feel a bit left out. (Sorry not trying to put words in your mouth, I am probably way off the mark and am not trying to offend). If that is the case, always remember that all babies love their Mum best as she is normally the food source and primary care giver

I'm sure you will be overjoyed when you have your LO in your arms, wishing you all the best with it

 

[dannii87]

Ah don't worry hun, it's all psychological, it's probably not acting WANTING a certain sex, it's the FEAR of what he/she will look like.

I am the spit of my dad and my brother is the spit of my mum! So it can go either way

I have no contact with Evie's dad and I plan to never set eyes on the pillock - but at the end of the day, I think that whoever Evie looks like, whether that's me or him, she's MY daughter and will be 100% all me, despite having daddy's nose or daddy's laugh...

There will probably be many traits he/she has from their dad, it could be physically, personality wise etc.

I don't know what to suggest for you to make yourself feel better but like inforabumpyride said, as soon as he/she is handed to you wrapped in a little pink or blue blanket, you'll completely forget ever feeling like this!!

Hope you feel better soon hun, I've had fears and worries that I thought I'd never overcome, after a few weeks I couldn't believe I'd even had let the thoughts enter my head! Pregnancy is crazy at the best of times, so I sympathise xx