first time mum - really struggling

[Louise2013]

Hi all.

Not sure where to begin. I'm a first time Mum with a beautiful three week old baby who I adore but I am finding the whole experience far harder than I had ever imagined. My friends from ante natal are all gushing about how much they are loving it all but I have to say I don't feel like that. In fact I am crying every day for no reason and just feel like the worst mother on the planet. I am struggling with bfing as although I have plenty of supply he is feeding hourly and I feel exhausted but don't want to stop as I know how good it is for him but I am so worried it is affecting how I am bonding with him. I am so down all the time. I feel like the only person who feels this way which makes me think there is something wrong with me. I am terrified I'm developing pnd. What should I do?? Xxx

 

[Ashbee]

Sorry to hear your not feeling too good at the moment. I am still pregnant but will be a first time mum also and i am afraid of this. Are there any family members or close friends you can speak to? Maybe if you had someone come round to keep you company for an hour or 2 a day? Does your OH know how your feeling? 3 weeks is still a very short time and i heard you dont get in a proper routine for at least 6. Hope you feel better soon

x

 

[Syndilou]

You are not alone in feeling like this, I have a beautiful baby girl who is 9 days old and I'm finding it all very overwhelming! She is the most precious thing but my own anxietys seem to be getting in the way of me fully enjoying her! I'm scared to take her out because we don't have a routine and I'm still very much learning! I can't bring myself to get her in the car because I hate the thought of driving and not being next to her to make sure she is okay! Baby blues are still heavily impacting my life as well I can't do a lot without bursting into tears, I've been neglecting my hubby as well and I know I have I'm just struggling to learn not to!
I can't really give you a lot of advice as I'm struggling also, but please make sure you talk to someone and don't feel like you're alone in this, plenty of new mums go through it, we'll find our way eventually I'm sure sending you hugs xxxx

 

[ClimbingRose]

Same as Ashbee Im not a mummy yet so cant know how it feels,
however she's right, it does take about 6 weeks for breast feeding to become easier and your baby should be able to go longer between feeds.
Everyone always says the first 6 weeks are the toughest, Im sure your ante natal friends are struggling too, but lots of people dont want to admit it, so they gush and say its great when infact its very hard.

Try not to beat yourself up, and do ask for help if you're not already. Dont be afraid to get family and friends around to just hold the baby for half an hour to give you a break and keep you company!! xx

 

[Louise2013]

Thanks ladies. OH knows how I am feeling and is very supportive. I can't tell if switching to combination feeding might help so I can keep helping his immune system via BF but he gets topped up with formula which OH can give one bottle an evening so I can go to bed and get a block of sleep which might help. I have also developed PUPPS rash which isn't helping me feel good (quite rare post partum so sod's law there!) and it is supposedly exacerbated by BFing as it is to do with normonal imbalance etc.

We had quite a traumatic birth, which I don't know if is having an effect on me: I was kept in for a while having lost too much blood and ultimately my milk came in late so my little one lost too much weight 'waiting' etc. which I felt so guilty for, and I've become quite obsessed by making sure he is getting enough food. I hate not knowing if he is satisfied or how much he has taken from the breast as he tends to fall asleep mid feed, quite content, but I then panic he isn't full. His weight gains have been amazing though so he is getting something but I just can't relax about it.

anyway, hopefully things will ease up over the coming weeks. I love him so much and just want what's best but feel like I am failing at every turn! X

 

[hayes]

Hey my lovely please don't worry all of this is perfectly normal. I have a 16wk Old n at 3 wks felt totally the sane as u. I was crying every day n every g seemed to overwhelm me. I had to stop bf n switch to formula about that time as lo wasn't gaining by me alone so mw was concerned n wen I had gotten a bit more sleep and cud see he was doing fine I started to feel so much better. Of um try honest I struggled to bond the first few weeks because u have such highs but no one can prepare for the lows n the worrying. But u r doing the best u cam n he is thriving so doubt beat urself up, ask foe help If u need it but b rest assured u will get into a routine n it will all get easier.

Michelle.x

 

[Maud]

I felt exactly the same! We really struggled with breastfeeding and I really didn't enjoy our daughter at first, had no confidence in myself as a mum and cried all the time. But things do improve. The most important thing is having support and people to talk to. I think most mums don't like to admit how hard it is. I certainly had no idea!

 

[carolm]

I'm completely the same - i think its normal LOL

First time out with bubba and the dogs today, talk about panic hahah

I'm sure it will get easier xxx

 

[freespirit29]

I'm the same too. I keep thinking sad thoughts like hubby dying in car accident etc if he's late home and then I start howling. I haven't attempted driving with baby in car in case she starts crying. My lo was starving hungry waiting for my milk to come in so I've ended up topping up with formula. I howled for days to my hubby abt my body being crap and not feeding my baby prop. Think it's normal Hun. Big hugs to u xxxx

 

[Rachel80]

I didn't find it wonderful, I found it hard. I had this little screaming thing that I didn't really know what to do with & was stopping me sleeping! It's not a difficult job being a mum but it is the hardest thing I've ever done. But it gets much easier. I didn't have pnd but it's a shock to the system & your hormones are still raging. Personally I didn't bf, I can only imagine how much harder it is to feed every hour. I wouldn't put myself through that, & that, amongst several other reasons is why I chose not to bf. You need to be in the right frame of mind to care for your lo effectively & if the bf'ing is being detrimental to your state of mind why continue? I think there is too much pressure on women to persevere but that's a different subject.
I coped by making sure I stayed organised & on top of everything. People say 'the housework can wait' but if I'd done that I would've gone out of my mind & felt I couldn't cope by letting the house go. But that's just me, I can't relax until the house is clean tidy & everything is done. But I stress, that's just me. You'll find in a couple of months time you won't know what to do with yourself as everything will be far far easier. It gets better trust me, but give yourself a break x

 

[AmeliaM27]

How are you doing hun? My LO is 3 months old now but those first few weeks were absolute hell. I think if reached my tether by about week 6 and was about to switch to formula when he suddenly started going longer between feeds and since then it's been so much easier and getting better all the time. I still feel like I need to sleep for a month though to make up for all that lost sleep at the beginning!

 

[Louise2013]

Thanks all. Things have greatly improved, though I am a little saddened to say that that is the direct result of stopping breastfeeding. The hourly feeding was exhausting and LO was getting so distressed just not content at all, but since moving onto bottles LO is a different baby and .i am a much happier, relaxed Mummy. We have real quality time together now just babbling and playing and we are days away from a proper baby smile I am sure of it! It took me a little while to accept bfeeding wasn't right for us, as much as I wanted it to be, but neither of us was hapoy or enjoying it. LO would scream and cry during feeds as my milk was too fast, and it was so upsetting to watch hour after hour. In the end it was hubby who said 'enough is enough. There is nothing wrong with bottles and you will both be happier.' And we are. Feeding is actually a lovely experience for us now, LO watches me as I gabble away plus hubby can get involved which he couldn't before. All in all my LO is so happy and I feel like a new woman!

Xxxxx