Finding it hard with a work friend!

[Strangeness]

A few weeks after I found out I was pregnant my supervisor at work found out she was expecting as well. She has previously had 4 miscarriages and we were all praying her bean would stick this time. She was so excited about us being pregnant together! Sadly a couple of weeks ago she lost her baby at 13 weeks as the placenta came away . I have felt so deverstated for her, she'd never made it past 12 weeks before and she really thought it was all going well. I saw her for the first time since it happened last week and I really didn't know what to say to her! I gave her a hug and she cried and I just felt awful for her! I even felt guilty that I was pregnant. Then she stroked my bump and said "how's my baby?" and I felt really weird! I know it's probably just a way of coping but it's not her baby and it really got to me. Probably just hormones but I felt so over protective! I can't imagine what it must feel like to lose a baby and I hope I never know but would anyone else have found it weird or been in a similar situation? I don't know how to speak to her anymore which is doing my head in as she's such a lovely mate! I don't even know how to explain it properly without me sounding like a cow because it sounds like I don't care when I really do!

 

[bowmanzoo]

Hi
You don't sound cruel at all and yes I think I would have felt weird as well but like you say its probably just her way of coping. I'm not sure what advice to give as i've never been in that situation and hopefully never will.

 

[xJodieLoux]

Aww that sounds like a really hard situation I would of found it strange too, but try not to think about it, she probably wanted to ask about your baby and didn't know what to say. It was probably the first thing that popped into her head and I dare say she regretted saying it, she probably feels just as awkward as you. You'll both get passed this though, just give her time.

 

[abcd1234]

My friend had a miscarriage when we were both 8 weeks, our pregnancies were so close together we had same due date, i did feel bad knowing my little bean was ok inside me and she'd lost hers, especially as it had taken a lot for her to decide to keep baby and she was very excited, shes also been through so much before it felt unfair.

For the first few weeks after i did almost avoid mentioning my baby as i didnt want it to be there in her face when we were together.

Now, she always asks abotu baby when she rings, is very excited, and we're going on holiday with baby next year, i know shes still hurting over her baby but i dont feel she resents me for mine being ok, in fact i think she's just happy that at least one baby will be born, and maybe on her b'day too lol.

Its hard to start with but i honestly feel the more you spend time around your friend, and maybe talk about it (obviously subtly) the better you'll feel about it all

 

[Sandi4Paul]

maybe it was a slip of the tounge. What did you used to talk about pre-pregnancy, maybe stick to those topics again for a while until you feel more comfortable.


Sandi

 

[Redshoes]

Sorry to hear about your work collegues loss
You don't sound cruel at all by the way, and I'm sure she wouldn't have said it had she known it would upset you
I'd just say try to be yourself, you are pregnant and are fully entitled to be happy and voice it, just keep a healthy awareness on it when the lady is around, and let her ask you rather than you telling her how things are going maybe? Very best wishes

 

[Mildly]

I'm sure it was awkward for you both, I agree it was probably a slip of the tongue. I'm sure it will be easier next time

How sad about her loss, I hope she is able to conceive again and carry to term.