Finally Pregnant - but very confused, please help :(

[Caz1234]

I don’t know where to start with this. I’m 6 weeks pregnant and don’t know where to turn.

 

[JayK2387]

Let me give you my story...

Me and my bf have been together since April 08, we fell pregnant in July. I am 21 and he is 23, we have NO savings whatso ever. We decided to keep the baby as it was obviously meant to be. I spent my 21st birthday sober. After our 12 week scan we descovered I needed an amnio, this was the scariest time of my whole life. Waiting for the all clear was horrible. We have been savin like crazy just to afford a deposit for renting a 2 bedroom flat. I have spent many a night crying thinking I wont be able to afford my baby. We are currently living in my mum and dads house in my bedroom that just about fits us, let alone a baby and a cot. Ive even said to mu mum im a terible person for bring a child into a world where I cannot even afford to put a roof over her head.

What im trying to say hun is you and your fella are in a much better position than me and my partner. as you say you have been trying for ages to get this and you finally have it. Everyone go's through the should we shouldnt we.

Maybe you should sit your fella down and talk through things. Being pregnant has opened my eyes and made me look at everything so differently. At 7 weeks 4 days i had a scan and saw my baby and her heart beating away and knew right then that i would never let anyone hurt her.

Before getting pregnant I never wanted children. Now I realise its such a blessing and im so lucky.

If its something you have wanted for so long, I think you need to sit down with your partner and talk seriously about it.

By the way, congratulations, I think its absoluely amazing

P.s I did not mean for any of this to sound harsh just wanted to show you that probably everyone thinks they are at the wrong time in their lives xxxx

 

[Caz1234]

Jayk

Thank you so much for replying and telling me your story. I think I will show it to my partner - it might make him realise what a fortunate position we are in.

I agree with everything you said. My partner is just so scared that he is going to let me and the baby down and he is worried that because I have no job all the pressure is on him to provide.

I have said to him that he is such a perfectionist - it will never be the best time for a baby. He just feels that at the moment it couldnt be a worse time, what with this "recession" and the housing market the way it is and me out of work.

I keep telling myself that he's just scared and that he will get used to the idea of being a daddy soon. But Im so scared that he wont and that he will want me to go through with an abortion.

Thanks again for your words of advice. Im sure you will make a great mum and will give him or her a great life.

xxx

 

[Tiny Sue]

Hi hun

I totally agree with Jayk. My OH and I have 2 mortgages a car loan and childcare plus a limping business that haemorrhages money, not to mention day to day costs. We are expecting number 2 and this baby was a long time coming - nearly 2 years.

I think you should sit down and talk to your partner about the pressure he's putting on you by asking you to make this choice. It IS ultimately your choice. I think you need to talk about the repercussions either choice will have on your relationship, your future and the future of any children you may have.

In my experience there is no right or wrong time to have a baby, children happen when they happen and your life fits seamlessly around them.

The best of luck to you hun, whatever you decide.

Love
Sue

 

[Mummy-D]

hiya

im sorry you are going through all of this just now.

I know you wont qualify for maternity pay, but you might qualify for maternity allowance.

Maternity Allowance may be available to help you take time off to have your baby. You must not be entitled to Statutory Maternity Pay from any employer. You must also have been a registered self-employed person or have been employed in at least 26 weeks out of the 66 week period running into the week before the week your baby is due.


I hope everything works out for you

 

[LittleLambe]

Bless you I always think things happen for a reason. There was obviously a reason it took you 17mths to concieve, and there is obviously a reason it has happened now. It may not be clear to you (or OH) now but give it a while and all will become clear.
People react very differently when they find out they are pregnant (especially men) even if they have been trying for a long time. Make sure you don't get pushed into any decisions, and I'm sure your OH will come round.
My DH was a different man after seeing DD on her first scan.

 

[yarnwrangler]

oh caz1234 have a big hug

and bless your partner, he's just freaking out! ignore the talk of a termination as i'm sure thats just motivated by fear - his life is about to be turned upside down and he's just reacting to that - stick to your guns girl and i'm afraid that you might have to be the strong one for a bit - we all have this image that when we become pregnant our men are going to swing into full protective nurturing action and sweep us off our pregnant feet - he obviously needs a bit of time to adjust to the situation - he probably had it all planned out that you'd be on good financial grounds etc etc but tell him there is never a right time to have a baby it happens and you get on with it and it all works out fine...

concentrate on the day to day business of building this baby and trust me, when your little one comes along your partner is going to fall so head over heels in love with them he'll wonder what all the fuss was about

 

[Caz1234]

Ladies,

I just wanted to thank you all for your kind words. It is a difficult time and should be a time of such excitement.

I think DP is just scared and hopefully I can talk him round. After all, things could be so much worse and we are so lucky to be in the position we are.

I cant have a termination because I would end up resenting DP for pressuring me into it.

We have wanted this baby for so long - we truly thought there was something wrong with us and we would never be so blessed.

Now we have what we want Im not going to let DP's (hopefully short lived) fears jepoardize what is probably the best thing to ever happen to us.

Thank you again for all your replies, this site is invaluable for offering support when you feel there is nowhere else to turn.

xx

 

[Mama 2 Be]

The thing is we are all in this recession together. There must be people out there who are near reposession of their house with kids on the way. We've all watched the news when they say next year is going to be much worse and taken a big gulp.

While some people may feel it may not be the ideal time financially to be bringing children into the world we need to asses our situations individually and yours I'm sorry to say doesn't sound that bad of a position to be in. Sure you have a mortgage like the rest of us but you are also sitting on £350k equity along with shares and investments - a position that some people would give their right arm for.

Boys can be a real pain can't they . Be strong and tell him there is no way you are even going to consider a termination and that this baby is coming whether he likes it or not so he better get on board with the idea before he misses out on all the good parts of your pregnancy - like constipation, morning sickness, moodiness, agression (oh just me then!)

And: CONGRATULATIONS! Enjoy it

 

[Becky]

I think we all have moments where the idea of having a baby scares us, no matter how well planned or how prepared we think we are once it happens and is real it's a very different thing!

My personal opinion is that there is no right time for a baby and while now might not seem ideal, I don't think any time would be "perfect". Even more so when you've been trying for a while it can come as a bit of a surprise when it does finally happen. I'm sure once you've both had time for the idea to settle your OH will come round.

 

[EllieBelle]

Just wanted to add a little about my story too......

MY hubby and I spent years working hard so we could take some time off together, which we did, and spent the last year living and doing up a large house over in France, little did we know the UK was going to go into reccession whilst we were away. When I fell pregnant we were still over in France, but I decided it was time to return home, our house in the UK never sold due to the UK housing market (a property we bought and renovated as an investment and we were set to make some decent money from), and we spent a year doing up the house in France again expecting to make large profits!

Well we returned from France in August, and hubby has only just secured a new job - we were both in IT Management before we moved to France - luckily he has secured a great position but it took a few months to happen, in the meantime we still have 2 properties (so obviously 2 mortgages), as neither house is selling due to the way the current reccessions, and both properties are depreciating in value daily!

I cannot get work as came back from France pregnant, and its going to take some time to get straight having had no income for a while!

However it will work out for us........we have a baby due in 11 weeks, and couldnt be happier!!

There are many people in the world who would love to be in our position, and although its not where we were 2 years ago, we are still not on the breadline, people are having property repossessed, being made redundant when they have 3-4+ mouths to feed so I personally dont think you have any reason for concern and neither should your OH!

As to having a termination - I think you would be mad, especially as its something you personally want so badly and its taken so long to get there. There really is never a good time to have a child!

I also had a successful career (Im now 34), but I cannot wait to be a mum for a couple of years and do what I consider the hardest job in the world!

Im so sorry you are having to even write the above and hope everything turns out for the best

 

[MummyJess]

Thought I'd add my story too for extra reassurance!

I fell pregnant at 17 when I was doing my A levels, living at home with my parents and with a guy I knew wasn't the ONE. Of course I considered an abortion, but I knew I would never ever be able to live with the knowledge that I killed my baby. I would forever be looking at kids the same age and wondering what my own child would have been like. I broke up with the Dad, made arrangements with school and, with lots of support from my wonderful parents, went on to have a beautiful baby girl.

She is now nearly 7 and I have a wonderful partner, who has been in our lives since my daughter was a few months old. She started to call him Daddy aged 3 when her (planned) sister was born and he is her main father figure. We have since had another daughter and now have a baby boy on the way. My OH has his own business that he built from scratch and we have certainly had times of hardship in the past 5 years but through it all we have had each other and our wonderful children.

Of course your OH is getting cold feet - it is a natural reaction and it is very scary contemplating the responsibilty of becoming a parent, especially when it is not how you planned. But you really are in a great position, a million times better than I was! You love each other, you have financial security and even more than that, you planned this baby together. Hope he gets his head straight soon so you can both start to enjoy your pregnancy together

 

[Chopsie]

I think men feel a huge responsibility when they find out that their partners are pregnant. My OH has been fretting about money too, even though he is ecstatic about my being pregnant, and our business is doing well. I guess it's because you're not doing as well as you were, that he feels the timing is wrong, but if he looks at your situation with a bit of perspective, he'll maybe realise what a good position you're actually in. And you should still be eligible for maternity allowance - it's not much, but it all helps.

And don't even consider a termination if it's not what you want. If you've been TTC for so long, I can't see how your partner could truly want you to go down this route. Maybe he's just throwing it out there to test the water, and see how you react? Emotions are all over the place at this stage, and I'm sure if he actually thinks things through he'll reconsider his stance.

I hope it all works out OK for you, whatever happens

 

[HollyHobby]

Hi, I hope he is just having cold feet because if my hubby told me to seriously consider having a termination after trying for so long I'd be walking out the door and never looking back.

You had lost your job when you made the baby and now he is saying that?
I hope he's worth it is all I can say.