Feeling like a massive let down :(

[Tanya4beauty]

Ok ladies I haven't really talked about how much I've struggled since my milk came in but it was like mia turned into a devil child! Basically it was taking anything up to an hour to feed each time as she was screaming inbetween feeding and in lots of pain with her tummy. She would kick her little arms and legs about in agony and it broke my heart. We mastered positioning and latching on really well but it just seemed to be a constant battle and I've found myself in constant floods of tears and dreading her waking up ( that's if she sleeps!). I didn't feel like I could leave the house because of feeding being so difficult and taking so long.
Anyway I've had help from the health visitor and the breastfeeding team but I just couldn't cope with it anymore. I have to return to work in three weeks and I was having to start trying to express and bottle feed her as I won't be about to feed her. I couldn't get enough out to keep up with what she needed and I think that's why she feeds so often and gets so frustrated.
After talking to several friends about it I decided to get some formula and I have to say it is heaven. She fed with no fuss and she fell straight to sleep in what took about 20 minutes. It meant I could cuddle my baby and look at her with love instead of the dread I've been feeling. I did shed a little tear that I'd somehow failed her and that I've taken the easy option but in reality I could feel myself going nuts. If she is happier it means we both are and that I can enjoy her. I love my little girl so much and hated how I felt towards her. I know I have given her the best start by feeding her myself for the first few days but I still feel like I've failed.

Has anyone else been through this recently? Xx

 

[Tanya4beauty]

And does anyone have any tips on coping with the sore boobs while your milk dries up? X

 

[KarenC]

Hugs, hun! You're not a let down - you've tried your best and given her a great start by trying to BF. Don't beat yourself up about it - it just doesn't always work out and it's more important that you are both happy. Sorry, I don't have many tips. I will probably try easing off BFing by decreasing the amount I express over a week or two. I've heard cold cabbage leaves in your bra can help the soreness! xxx

 

[BevG]

well done for trying, it is hard and theres no shame in giving up as a sane happy mummy is much more important than what milk baby eats. cold cabbage leaves and warm baths help the engorgement, maybe express a lil off if its really sore but the more u express the more u get so if u want it to stop then dont express too much lol

 

[FirstBabyEek]

Oh my! I could have written that myself! I felt exactly the same.

My milk came in late, Toby's latch hasn't been good from day one and I really struggled to begin with. I too caved and bought formula just to give my nipples a chance to recover and to get some sleep too. I can fully sympathise.

The Mw suggested that I top up with formula each feed, which i did to start off with but I've also been expressing between feeds and using that as a top up, with the exception of the evenings as I don't produce enough milk to keep up with his demands.

I cried when the Mw suggested topping up as I too felt like I'd failed. Bit at the end of the day you have think about what's right for both you and your LO if they are happier with what you are doing then surely that's a good thing.

Don't worry, you've absolutely done the best you possibly can. Perhaps do what I'm doing and keep going with expressing between feeds and give him what you can, that way you're both getting the best.

Either way you've done amazingly well xxx

 

[MrsT2011]

Please don't feel like a let down - your doing what's best for you both and as you said LO is happy on a bottle.
We struggled with breastfeeding - B would latch but wouldn't stay on and screamed at every feed so I decided to express his milk and bottle feed and what a difference!
With regards to your breast engorgement my mum always swore by a tight boob tube and cold cabbage leaves.
Don't beat yourself up your doing fantastic x

 

[FirstBabyEek]

Wearing a non underwired bra at night has also helped me xx

 

[Lanesje77]

I had just the same experience, guilt with a little relief, then a little more guilt, but as I'd told myself from the beginning, my son needs me to be functioning on all cylinders and after 2 weeks of cluster feeding and tears from him and me I just thought, no, I was miserable and was dreading night time! In regards to poorly boobs I had 1 really tender night and I had to express, but in the following days I just hand expressed in to a clean muslin to take the fullness away and because I wasn't feeding him at all my milk soon ebbed off, which makes me think I prob didn't have enough to start with. Do not beat yourself up, enjoy Mia and you are def not alone xx

 

[tinks77]

I was the same, I found having a lovely hot shower on my boobs just before bed helped them through the night, I also continued to wear sleep bras day and night as the were far more comfortable until my boobs settled down

 

[Tanya4beauty]

Thanks girls, I am going to continue expressing too and combine both. Definatley going to formula feed during the night and I've been giving her expressed milk all day today and she is so much happier with a bottle. I think she's actually getting full up for a change! We havent had one crying fit at all today. So I have a happy little baby! Who who have thought brestfeeding Would have been so hard! After all it's what we're meant to do!!
I've been talking to a lot of friends who have babies today and they all went though the same thing. Brestfeeding is shoved down you throat so much that you really do feel like a failure if you cant do it. Well I think a happy, well fed baby is much more important and a sane mummy!! Well done to all of you too, being a mummy is hard! Xxx

 

[MrsT2011]

Also I find if I express in the early hours I get more milk usually between 1am and 4am.
I know it doesn't sound much fun being up at that time but I can sometimes get double my usual amount - up to 8oz! X

 

[Karate Kid]

Please don't beat yourself up hun. I have and it's not worth it at all, Cassius has tongue tie which we only found out about on Wednesday. It has been such an emotional four weeks and we have really struggled. I have been expressing at all hours and bottle feeding due to Cassius not latching at all.

What matters is that you are happy and that your LO is consequently happy and healthy. You have done your best and you will continue to do so.

Xx

 

[My1stBaby]

If you have a happy healthy baby then 100% you've done the right thing sweetie, remember that! Xxxx

 

[Lolly85x]

Don't be so hard on yourself. You did amazing trying. And any breast milk is better than none.
But me personally I think a happy mummy is more important than breast milk.
Babies sence things, and pick up on the atmosphere.
So do whatever it takes.
I gave up breastfeeding at 5 days... Was told my milk would come, it never. I never had the huge, hard boob thing, never leaked, couldn't express. My nipples were sore. I was tired. I gave my boy a bottle, and felt awful seeing how much he loved it, and needed that milk. I felt guilty about not giving him my milk. But that soon went when I seen my son thriving.
He's 4weeks now, he's happy, I'm happy, a very content baby. Health visitor is very pleased with him.
You have to do what's best for you and your baby xxx

 

[BevG]

yeah, i think the first few weeks are really hard, you dont know what lo wants, they cry and seem hungry all the time. theyre just trying to build your supply up and its not that they cry cos theyre starving, its what theyre programmed to do to make you make more milk, so many ppl have problems at this point and feel like they cant cope and most give bottles or just change to ff. u can combi feed if you like its up to you and whatever works for you. if you can struggle thru then trust me it does get easier, they are only gonna be like that til 6 weeks at most then they should have worked your supply up enough that they dont need so much anymore but its literally like being on lockdown til then and its not always possible to take lol. you do what makes you and baby happy. the next stage is usually the colic/gripe water stage where most babies get colicky and refluxy too so be aware hun that that may happen and that too will pass in time. growth spurt coming up at 4 weeks ish too.

 

[Tanya4beauty]

Well after a lovely day with her yesterday she turned into devil child again last night. I think we totalled 3 hours sleep. She just cries so much and it's really getting us both down now. I'm really not enjoying my baby who I wanted so much and was looking forward to having. I feel like I'm in hell at the moment
Anyone got any suggestions?

 

[BevG]

is she falling asleep then waking just after u put her down or just constantly crying? is she kicking her legs and pulling them to her chest a lot? does she just wanna feed a lot? need more info hun but some babies have day and night confused at first and so it helps to distinguish night from day by it being bright and noisy during the day and quiet calm and dark at night, dont turn lights on full when feeding, only talk softly or not at all if u can.

shes not necessarily crying cos shes hungry or upset, its about figuring out what it is she needs which i know is so hard to start with but keep it up your doing fab and you will figure her out soon, at 8 weeks i had to call my mum to come help as i was totally frazzled and at a loss to what she wanted but by 12 weeks i had her figured out

 

[Tanya4beauty]

She tends to fall asleep after her feed then wake when you put her down and just lays there jiggling about and making noises. She also cries and does the arm and leg thing which indicates she's in pain to me. We have infacol now but obviously need to give it time to work. We keep everything dark and quiet at night and carry on as normal during the day. She will sleep through the Hoover and the dogs barking!!
She seemed to want to feed every couple of hours last night after doing a stretch of 7pm til 12 and that was on bottle fed breastmilk. We fed formula before bed in the hope it would get her to sleep a bit longer but she woke again at 2. She then had a bottle of breastmilk but just kept crying and doing the leg thing til about 4.15 when she eventually went to sleep. She then woke a 6.40 I fed her again and then she went to sleep, I put her in her basket and she woke and jiggled around until 8 when she took another feed!!!! She's still awake now, kinda drifting but mainly awake!! Is my child an insomniac?!!!!
It's really getting me down, I know she's not even two weeks old yet but after the struggle with breastfeeding and the sleeplessness there it's all getting on top of me now. Xx

 

[BevG]

they feed roughly every 90 mins to 2 hrs at first hun, formula or not it makes no real difference to them sleeping. colic flares up in the evenings which is the leg thing and infacol colief or gripe water (or a combination of 2 of them) do help as does repeatedly winding them. swaddling or just having them fall asleep in a blanket and then putting them down in the blanket help them stay asleep when put down as the temperature difference between your arms and the mattress usually wakes them. try those. baths can also help with colic as can cycling their legs and tummy massage. it will pass by 12 weeks usually but it might be hard til then im not gonna lie to you it can seem like one thing after another. she will be due a growth spurt in a week or 2 and will want to feed pretty much constantly then aswell

 

[Tanya4beauty]

Thanks for the advice Hun, it does seem like a constant feed frenzy! Everyone keeps telling me they should go about 4 hours on formula and take 4oz! She doesn't take that much in one go bless her! Will just get on with it and wait for the good times! Xx