So upset about not breast feeding

[x Naomi x]

Been in tears every day about not breastfeeding since Macey was a day old and taken up to SCBU, when she was born, i told them i wanted to breastfeed so they cup fed her in SCBU, because she wasnt get on with this they stuck a feeding tube down her so when they brought her back down to me i was so upset seeing her like that i told them to feed her formula as i didnt want her to be suffering with that horrible tube in,

They when i went up to SCBU i had to express really as they wanted to keep her under the lights, they even fed her and changed her from her cot so i didnt even ask whether i could take her out to breastfeed i was more worried about her getting better

When we were about two days away from being let out, i tried her on the breast again which she took to brilliantly but she lost 100g so they wouldnt let us out till she had put 40g on, abit of a problem when you are trying to establish breast feeding so again i had to stuff formula down her throat just so we could escape SCBU

So then i was home and dry but very worried about her losing weight again so i fed her EBM and topped her up with formula,

So now i am just feeding her formula as i was finding it was taking me an hour to get out 4 0z and could never catch up enough to get her a full days feed

Been really down as at the night feeds i will be feeding her formula and have a little milk leaking from my breasts

Its soul destroying and making me so upset all i ever wanted was to feed my baby i know circumstances were out of my control but now i am home on one hand i think i should just leave her be as she is contented, but on the other i still want to feed her myself.

Reading daffodils thread has made me roar my eyes out, so happy for her but gutted for me,

Is it too late?

 

[mary70]

hi hun i know how you feel i had the same with Hannah and 3 years on i still feel sad about it but is it really to late for you, i have heard of other people starting to breast feed after a couple of weeks maybe someone can give you better advice

 

[*Star*]

oh hun

i cant imagine how you feel. i love bf, and one of my first thoughts after she was born was, when can i feed her.

im sure it's not too late. are you still producing milk?

there are lactation advisors i dont know what they are called, but ive heard they are really good. keep expressing, even if you dont get much you'll be stimulating your breasts so your milk wont dry up.

speak to the health visitor, hopefully they can refer to the breastfeeding support people

 

[Sammystar]

It's not too late hun. If you really want to you still can

 

[Misslarue]

Hun have some hugs

I know exactly how you feel as I have been in the same boat. Have you tried the breastfeeding clinics with your hospital?? I did have some success with them, but I think because I did not express for a week, it really messed up my supply. But you have continued to express your milk??

To up your supply you must express at least 8 times day, once being in the night. I was also told to carry on expressing even after your milk has stopped flowing.

I've copied my experience from a pervious thread, very similar to yours (sorry too lazy to type again!):

My son was born 4 weeks premature so had no sucking reflex. I pumped my breast for the first few days and feed him with a pipette. He developed low blood sugar and jaundice so I was encouraged to bottle feed him but also to continue to try to breast feed. After a week I took him home and kept trying.

At about 10 days old he was blue lighted back into hospital with breathing difficulties. He was placed in a oxygen box, put on a drip and diagnosed with bronchilitis. It was such an awful worrying time that I did not pump my breast for nearly a week.

By the time we got home my milk supply had dropped to almost nothing. I went to numerous breast feeding clinics. I took fenugreek. I brought an electric pump and I expressed my breasts 8 times a day as recommended but still there was little improvement. I just couldn't get him to feed by myself.

I felt like I had failed him completely and still feel guilt now. It got to the point where I dreaded him being hungry. I finally gave up mid April and my son was born on 3rd Jan. The only consultation I have is that he did have colostrum and I did managed to feed him quite a few times, but nothing to the levels that I had planned.

 

[handbagqueen]

know how you feel but don't give up- it isn't too late. i have had major problems and have to use nipple shields, top up with formula and express. very tiring but i'll do anything to make sure my lo gets at least a little bit of breast milk.
i've been talking to a few breast councillers and been told around 8 weeks is when its hard to get them out of habits so keep going.

 

[heles7]

Call you health visitor without delay and ask them to call the infant feeding co-ordinator for you. Mine did this and they came to visit me the next day and were a terrific help. My problems were totally different from yours but the IFC woman was BRILLIANT and if it's not too late for you then she will be the best person to see that you get back on track.

Good luck

 

[Squiglet]

I was in a similar position with lil miss. She was taken to SCBU but they didn't give me the choice,they just force fed her formula. I was only allowed to breast feed her every 3 hours and only for 30 minutes an from 12am till 9am they closed the unit preventing me from feeding her at all... all at the time my milk came in so it was really hard.

If you are still producing milk, you should be able to relactate, but it means having her on your boob all the time, and only using formula as a last resort... but the best thing to do is speak to your mw or hv asap about seeing a lactation consultant

 

[dannii87]

It's not too late!! But, please don't get yourself down though sweet... Feeding is just one part of Mummyhood, it's not the be all and end all...

I'm a bit confused why you can't put Macey on the breast though!? I don't know if it's just my stupid nappy brain letting me down but I didn't understand that bit

Keep us posted. When I was struggling, I posted on here, read all the replies and went offline to try them all... With breastfeeding, a lot of it is down to trial and error. Perserverence (to an extent) but most of all, it's team work

xxx

 

[Steelgoddess]

Hi i know I bottle feed but it isn't too late...

Even if LO doesn't latch on at first try expressing as it may help you mentally...

 

[Daffodil]

As you know I know EXACTLY how you are feeling because that is where I was until yesterday.

If you really want to breastfeed don't give up, she is still so very young and it could work for you.

I was expressing to try and keep / build a supply and even just a bit of expressing works. I wasn't doing it that much....say 4 times a day but it was keeping a little bit of a supply up.

Try the device I bought - http://www.expressyourselfmums.co.uk/de ... ing-System so you can supplement her at the breast. I haven't used mine but I was going to do this at the weekend to help her learn to associate the breast with mealtimes...

Get skin to skin contact too, whenever you can.

I really do understand how awful it feels.

I started trying Meadow on the breast before every bottle feed and I had to ignore the cries at first... I would comfort her and then try it again and give it a few tries before giving her the bottle. I understand that at certain times you won't want to do this: I didn't....I got too upset when she rejected the boob. But when you feel up to it offer her the breast. Let her be at the breast without any pressure to feed too.

Thinking of you,

Dawn
x

 

[x Naomi x]

thanks for your replies everyone!

Dannii no reason why she cant go to my breast its just that having all that time in SCBU meant we couldnt establish our breastfeeding properly,

I am very proud that i managed to express for her for nearly 3 weeks as she got the most important bits from me, i actually made myself ill through lack of sleep in SCBU due to sitting with Macey until i was exhausted and then still setting my alarm to express an hour before feeding so was not sleeping at all which was not good after me being so poorly with the blood loss etc following the c section.

I tried her on the boob this afternoon and yes she latched on but she spat out what she did get and almost recoiled from the taste! my boobs feel deflated just like me so think i am just going to leave things as they are and try and get over my sadness, i have a healthy contented baby now and believe me after 11 days in SCBU i feel so lucky and i think i need to focus on that before i get too bogged down with feeling a failure.

So i am going to try and stop feeling guilty and try not to burst into tears when i see a woman breastfeeding- we went to kiddicare on tuesday and i started crying as i was sat there feeding Macey her bottle there was a woman breastfeeding her newborn next to me and i was sooo jealous,

Maybe next time i wont have such a big baby or if i do, he/she wont be ripped away from me and taken to SCBU.

 

[dannii87]

3 weeks of expressing is EXCELLENT... I could never have done that. You really are amazing for doing that! You should be SO proud of yourself.

I completely support your decision. Please don't worry, like you said, after everything you've been through with Macey being in SCBU, the way she is feeding is such a minor detail if you think about the tough time you've both been through.

Whether it is a bottle or a breast that is satisfying our LOs, the most important part of Motherhood is making sure our LOs are healthy & happy - If that means giving them formula, then so be it! It's not poison, if it wasn't good enough for babies, the authorities would have made it illegal yonks ago!

Please do post on here if you ever feel sad or down, or even to excitedly tell us how well Macey is doing on formula!

Good luck and I really hope everything goes well with the formula. I'm sure Macey will thrive, and you'll be happier in the long run, even if it doesn't seem that way now xxx

 

[Redshoes]

Before I had Isaac I thought it odd how Mummy's didn't breastfeed, and after having Isaac I made myself ill because I didn't fully breastfeed him. He was under lights and tube fed as he had dangerously high bilirubin levels (jaundice), so needed mega fluids which you don't have in the first few days after birth...anyways, from that I did learn that breastfeeding my baby was important to me, but not doing it as I'd planned to, didn't change him or I, what did damage us was my inability to initially get over the fact I wasn't fully breastfeeding.

Please do not spoil enjoying your baby because you didn't do something, we all have great plans for what is best for our babies but the truth is, what is best, is a happy Mummy, so do not ever compare or feel you've done something wrong, you haven't, I now look back and feel humbled because Isaac taught me that breastfeeding is a wonderful thing and I am grateful I acheived what I did with him but after almost 16months of him, breastfeeding is not something I even think about anymore and there is always something you can feel guilty about if you let yourself, breastfeeding I guess is the first

So, if you've done your breastfeeding, then be very happy with what you did and now start to enjoy your baby putting on weight, being happy and active, and honestly, you will feel better as time passes if you let yourself look at ALL the things you DO DO, not what you didn't Sorry if that sounded preachy, I know how I felt at the time and I felt very alone, ashamed and embaressed and I really never should have, I hope you don't, please PM anytime if you want to and ENJOY your baby girl, you're both home, healthy and hopefully will be very very happy, very best wishes

 

[kalia]

From day one my brother was on formula. He's a sporty fit doctor now! Formula is not poison, it will help you baby grow. Don't feel bad

 

[Clydesdaleclopper]

Whatever way you feed I am sure you are a great mum.

I you want to start to BF again then it is possible. I had to stop feeding for a week and a half because of an infection and I didn't express during that time (apart from for comfort) because I thought that would be the end of BF for me. However, I decided to stick at it and after some time I got up to a full supply. There is fantastic advice on how to do it on Kellymom. Good luck.