Feeling like i'm not geting anywhere

[handbagqueen]

When Lily was born she didn't latch on well at all as i have flat nipples. We tried hard but she lost way too much weight and nearly had to go hospital- i was traumatised by this and still feel guilty for not being able to feed her properly. Since that first week I have been giving her formula and trying to breastfeed using nipple shields. I have also been expressing.

Lily is a a really lazy eater on the boob which is also a reason we've had so many problems- when she did eventually latch on in the beginning she only ate for a few minutes so my milk supply didn;t come in properly. I've been trying everything to get my supply back up and can now finally express between 3 and 5oz at each sitting- so the milk is finally there but shes just not interested in feeding from me still- never has been

Now that she is finally at a good weight i'm trying to cut down her formula and give her much more from me. So now my day now consists of battling with Lily to get her to feed from me. This goes on for quite a while- sometimes she will feed for a good 30 minutes but if she is really hungry she screams the place down and gets herself so worked up. I then have to give her a bottle. If this happens I express while i'm giving her formula or a bottle of expressed milk. It breaks my heart each time she guzzles from the bottle but I have to make sure shes eating cos i'm terrified of her losing weight again.

I've spent a fortune on trying to get her to breastfeed- and they say its free I've had to buy nipple shields- lots as trying to get some that are good, i've bought a manual pump, then an electric one and now just bought a double electric pump, nipple formers to try and get my nipples out (this has made no difference to lily as she's still not interested) and 'milk plus' herbal supplement to get my supply up.

I've been writing down how much she eats each day but now i'm not sure how much shes actually supposed to be eating. I figured i'd now try and make sure she gets expressed milk as much as possible instead of formula but I just feel like theres no end in sight.

I'm now thinking perhaps i should have just admitted defeat ages ago as its just so heartbreaking and draining battling with her all the time but I really wanted to breastfeed. i'm so jealous of people that are able to just whip their boobs out and feed their babies- just typical that i get a princess! even the breatsfeeding counciller was amazed and said she seems to have been born with a silver spoon in her mouth and wants things easy (just like her mum )

my sister said at the beginning that if i wanted to bf then i would- she said that if i had no choice ie no formula available then I would do it. this just made me feel even worse cos I feel like i've been doing everything i possibly can to get her to feed from me

Once again i'm not expecting any replies- i just needed to get this off my chest as no-one really understands how badly this is getting to me.

 

[Mildly]

Aww Poor you, it is really tough when something that is meant to be so natural is so difficult.

Just wanted to say well done for making it this far I have to use nipple shields too as Oscar has a tongue tie and keeps falling off my nipples. It is such a pain having to faff about with peripheral equipment and sterilising. We also give him a bottle of formula a day.

Have you tried staying in bed with lots of skin to skin and nuzzling time? I know some people report it as helping kickstart their babies preferring the boob.

Don't be so hard on yourself though You sound as though you have tried everything and if things are getting on top of you and it would be less stressful to switch to formula, then I think you should do it

 

[dannii87]

sometimes she will feed for a good 30 minutes but if she is really hungry she screams the place down and gets herself so worked up. I then have to give her a bottle. If this happens I express while i'm giving her formula or a bottle of expressed milk. It breaks my heart each time she guzzles from the bottle but I have to make sure shes eating cos i'm terrified of her losing weight again.

30 minutes feed is great! Now that Evie's latching properly, that's how long she usually feeds for. When she wasn't, she was feeding for over an hour each time because she was feeding so slowly.

I know this sounds cruel and is very time consuming and tests your patience, but when Evie was fussing on the boob on Friday I just took her off and put her straight back on the boob again. Yeah, she screamed the place down and worked herself up into a right old tantrum! I didn't give in though, just kept popping her back on the boob, then a cuddle, back on the boob, then a cuddle, back on the boob etc and she eventually realised that Mummy wasn't going to give her a bottle this time so she HAD to work bloody hard to get the milk that she so desperately wanted!

I figured i'd now try and make sure she gets expressed milk as much as possible instead of formula but I just feel like theres no end in sight.

I think that sounds like an achievale plan by the sounds of things! For the time being anyway. That's what I did with Evie for about 4 days. She just had breastmilk while my nipples recovered from the damage she'd done during the first couple of weeks. It'll give you a couple of stress free(ish) days to get your head together and come up with a plan of action to try and get her back on the boob.

no-one really understands how badly this is getting to me.

I bet near enough 99% of breastfeeding Mums understand how badly this is getting to you Isia! I for one certainly understand the nightmare that is breastfeeding (at times) but once you & baby "get it" that ONE time, the realisation that breastfeeding can actually be a joyful and painless(ish) experience, something comes over you like this wave of determination because you've finally got that reward from the perseverence through all those weeks of pain and torture!

She could also have nipple confusion (Evie had it and is just getting over it during the past couple of days) and giving her boob then bottle is just confusing her even more?

So, I would suggest;
- Lots of skin to skin.
- Persistantly spending a few days putting her back on the boob & refusing giving her a bottle.
- Buying some nipple shaped teats to avoid further nipple confusion (I know it means spending more ).
- If she won't go on the boob, give her expressed breast milk for a few days then try the boob again.
- Scour the internet for advice and tips for flat nipples... It was a god send for me in the middle of the night when I was despairing and literally felt like throwing a box of formula at her!

I really do understand how horrible it is when you're struggling to breastfeed. They say it's the most natural thing... It's the most UNNATURAL thing at times! x

 

[Clydesdaleclopper]

Hang on in there - you are doing a fantastic job. It is amazing how devastating these problems are and it is difficult to get people who haven't been through it to understand - they just say "oh just give formula" without realising the psychological consequences.

My suggestions would be:
Any top ups of either EBM or formula - give in a cup rather than a bottle to avoid the nipple confusion issue or even use a supplementary nursing system such as this http://www.expressyourselfmums.co.uk/de ... ing-System

Take Lily to bed with you with both of you naked and let her latch on whenever she is interested - if she is getting too hungry between feeds she will get frustrated at having to work for the milk.

Try (I know it is difficult) not to get stressed when trying to get her to latch as that will impede your let down.

Another very important thing is don't ever unlatch her (unless she's on wrong). Many HVs give the wrong advice and tell you that the baby is just comfort sucking so to take them off at the end of a feed. Whatever you do don't do this.

Also make sure that you don't give a dummy. Any sucking should be on your boobies.

There is good advice on Kellymom about all sorts of issues to do with BFing. There is also a really good protocol on there for reducing top ups that worked for us.

The other thing that is really worth trying is taking her to a cranial osteopath. Q wouldn't latch properly on one side and it turned out that he couldn't open his jaw properly on that side and couldn't turn his head very easily that way. After one treatment there was a huge difference.

Good luck and feel free to PM me if you need more info.

 

[purple13]

good advice from the others there.

i use nipple shields - my nips are tiny and connor just couldn't latch. we had untold problems at the start, but to this day we use nipple shields - they were the saviour of our breastfeeding life i use the mam ones and def think that they're the best as you can lick the back of them and they stay stuck to your boob (more than the others do anyway) which is great for co-sleeping

get rid of the bottles; try not to give top-ups if you can help it, but if you do, use a cup instead. right now, your little girl has figured that if she screams long enough, she'll get the easy option (bottle) rather than having to work for her meal from your boob.

i'm guessing that your tablets have probably got fenugreek in them; you can also eat oats and drink fennel tea/blackthorn juice to help your supply.

its unnerving going from bottles to exclusive boob as you have no idea how much they're eating any more. full-time access to the boob is required, and as long as your LO gets that, then she'll be getting enough to eat.

there's a lot of us here who know exactly how you're feeling right now. my little boy looked like a famine victim in the early days; i was put under a lot of pressure to feed formula instead but i stuck to my guns and am still boob feeding now - a lot of my thanks goes to people on this forum for their help and support. please know that you can post here about what you're feeling any time and there will always be someone around with some good advice.

 

[handbagqueen]

I can't stop crying- everyones so nice here with advice but I can;t deal with this anymore. I want so desperately to breastfeed her but i can;t cope with the stress and dread that fills me whenever its time for her to eat. But I don;t want to formula feed her only. I just don;t know what to do.
to top it all i've burnt my hand warming up a sodding bottle this morning so thats throbbing as well.

 

[Clydesdaleclopper]

Hang on in there honey. Don't make any decisions now when you're feeling so low. Phone La Leche League and they will get someone to come round and see you to give you some support. Or if you PM me with you phone number we can chat about it.

 

[purple13]

oh honey

ok. firstly - do you definitely want to breastfeed? it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or says (ie your sister) - what do you want to do?


if you want to persevere, this is what i'd suggest:

*look at other threads here - danni87 is (hopefully ) coming out of a really tough time with bf-ing at the moment. i had a shocker of a time. and there are quite a few other people here who've had similarly bad times. YOU ARE NOT ALONE

*secondly - get stubborn and tough. i swear that bf-ing is one of the hardest things i've ever done, but its also now the most rewarding. you have to pig-headed and determined to succeed when things are difficult, but if you can do that, then you're half the way there.

*next - set yourself targets; just one more feed, just one more day, just one more week...

*get as much help as possible - LLL or NCT both have helplines. breast feeding cafes are also an excellent place to gain support if there's one near you? i know you have a bf councillor, but in this case, the phrase 'too many cooks' does not apply

*ditch the bottles! every bottle is taking you further away from bf-ing. use a cup instead if you need to top-up (although this really should be a last resort)

*and finally, if i were you, don't bother trying to feed without nipple shields. keep persevering with them - make sure they're stuck tight to your boobs and perhaps express a little into and onto them first so that your little girl knows what they're for? and again - ditch the bottles! it really does sound as if she has nipple confusion and i can't see that she'll work for her food whilst she knows that she could be drip fed instead.

good luck - keep posting

 

[dannii87]

I really do sympathise with you Isia, it's a horrible place to be when your baby doesn't feed properly from you. Your boob is never completely empty though, let her suckle and it'll stimulate your boobs to "let down" some milk for her.

I think she's just being lazy and has nipple confusion maybe? That's what it sounds like. She's not impressed with having to work for her food! Unfortunately though, like anything, if she has no choice but to do that, then she will eventually do it. It might take a while.

Like I said before though - when Evie was fussing I just took her off the boob, gave her a cuddle and put her straight back on again. She was soooo frustrated, but after about 3 hours she just fed properly and went to sleep. Mummy isn't that much of a pushover

PM me if you ever need to chat! x

 

[Quill]

Breastfeeding is SO frustrating in the early days. I remember sitting on the couch at 4am crying because he wouldn't latch on for ages. All the health visitors and midwives etc kept saying "oh, breastfeeding is the best!" which really made me feel under so much pressure to "get it right." Fortunately, we're established now, but when he was around 2-3 weeks it was really, really difficult.

One thing that helped me was to have some expressed milk (2-3 ounces) available for when he was really ravenous, and give that to him to take off the edge of his hunger. Then I found latching him on a lot easier.

I know it's got to be hard, especially with all the guilt feelings. But please remember you are doing your very best for her, and that counts for a lot.

 

[Bubalu]

I could have written your post (apart from the inverted nipples bit). Eleanor got really dehydrated by 10 days (no nappy output) and was continuing to lose weight. The midwife was supportive of my breastfeeding but said that it was in the best interest of Eleanor to give formula so I did and then at subsequent weigh ins with v. little weight gain was recommended to increase formula (I wish I had not increased it at this stage but we rely on the advice of the professionals!) Anyhow, by 6 weeks she was on 16oz formula a day...she's a big girl so I estimated that this was about 2/3 of her total milk making me feel a complete failure. All this time I was swinging between feeling really down about giving formula to feeling that at least she was getting some breast milk.

I have tried all the things that you say and eat lots of oatmeal / try to drink as much as poss. It's taking all my energy to do everything you're supposed to do to get a good supply. E.g. taking the more milk, I have to wait 20 either side without drinking which means that I have to time drinks and more milk input (it's hard to get enough to drink anyway!!). Then there's counting feeds and nappies, pumping (getting up at night when she's still sleeping to express) as well as keeping her at the breast whenever she's awake (pretty much all day).

Anyhow, things are improving very slowly and I now give her on average 13.5oz and given her weight, she would have about 30oz formula only so she now has more than half breast milk. What really helped was following a protocol in this website....

http://www.kellymom.com/bf/supply/decrease-formula.html

Hope you find it helpful.

Perhaps we could be BF buddies and support each other through this...PM me if you want to exchange contact details.

Best wishes, Lucy

 

[Squiglet]

all the others have given you fab advice I can't really add too...other than be proud of your efforts. Most people would have chucked the towel in long ago but you have kept going doing the best you can for your baby...