feeling guilty

[gemmainthesun]

So yesterday my best friend since we was like 5 years old rang me up, cos I live abroad she never rings my moible we talk through fb and stuff....anyway she told me 3 months ago she was TTC and I just knew when I seen her name flash up, I was at work on a call and went all hot and flushed I was actually shaking....I just knew what she was going to tell me. And I didnt answer I made her text me and then she wa slike please answer and I said no im at work r u pregant? Anyway tuens out I was right and she is..... I actually had tears in my eyes, I managed to txt her bk and say congrats and I waa honest and said obviously its hard with all we r goin thru but I will speak to her soon, and she is lovely to be fair she said she totally undersrands
I just feel so bad, I want to be happy for her cos shes done noting wrong and shes like my best friend but It just makes me feel so sad I think it makes it worse cos she is my best mate...and now its just me left out of our group of friends, I feel like a failure..... I dont think anyone really understands apart from you ladies cos you just feel like such a cow and I guess it is jealousy really and I really dont want to be that person but I just dont know how to cope with it all sometimes....... Like all of you ive seen so many girls decide to start trying 1 year 2 year 3 years after we started trying and get pregnant have their babies and we r still waiting!! Seems so unfair doesnt it.
Anyway just wanted to share this and get it off my chest cos i dont think many people understand x

 

[SunnySue]

Dont be so hard on yourself hun. After everything you have been through with ttc you are bound to feel a little jealous, sad and a whole lot more. In fact, you wouldnt be human of you didnt feel these things. It is not because you are a bad person in any way, just that it is something you want so badly it is bound to have an effect when it seems to happen so easily for others. Its a cliche but you have to hang in there and have hope that one day soon it will be your turn. In the meantime dont beat yourself up you are entitled to feel this way. Good luck hun x

 

[YvonneM]

Kno the feeling too well chick, one of my friends who lives quite a distance away from me nd we don't speak as much as we should rang me a few weeks ago and she had recently got married nd in my guti jus knew what she was ringing me for as she never really fones. Yup. . Preggers first month trying, nd she had to Facebook me to tell me coz like u I couldn't face answering the fone. Took me 4 or 5 days before I could even Facebook her bak to say congratulations I felt like a horrible bitch but it was jus so hard to stomach sorry that was prob not much help to u! Xxx chin up 2014 WILL b our year

 

[gemmainthesun]

No it really does yvonne, and sunnysue....thankyou, you do feel so horrible dont u but its not as if you can help how you feel. I do believe 2014 is our year yvonne!! x

 

[Londongirl]

Oh hon I feel for you so much. I find it so hard when friends who've only been trying a month or 2 "announce". I really want to be happy for them but it just feels so unfair

Big hug xx

 

[her13]

sorry hun its so unfair isnt it im about to hit the one year mark after my last mmc , 3 years trying all together. and keep hearing of people falling preg first month it does make you so jealous and then guilty for being jealous, i just wish it was that easy for everyone its so difficult im not really any help just thought id say your definatly not alone in feeling like that xxx

 

[mishi]

Don't be too hard on yourself babes.

When my sister told me she was pregnant in September (not planned) it was like a kick in the teeth.

I'm delighted for them now and looking forward to being an aunt again, but it was tough to hear and it's a perfectly natural reaction when it's been so tough for you.

xxxx

 

[Emmy007]

Don't be so hard on yourself, any friend or family member will understand it's bound to be difficult for you to hear that they're pregnant. Last year my brother didn't tell me until his wife was 6months pregnant with their 4th child.....he didn't want to upset me luv him.
Since our ttc journey all of our friends and family have realised how lucky they are to decide they want a baby and then get pregnant without any problems. Hopefully it'll be our turn before long xxxx

 

[Blueflower]

Oh you poor thing, that's so horrible. So unfair when people get pregnant so quickly. I wonder if friends actually think before announcing their news, if they know that we are having trouble? All our friends have kids too and we are the only ones left! We haven't seen some friends for ages because our lives are so different now. It actually makes me want to find new childless friends to go out with!

I really do think you will get your BFP soon, they just need to find the perfect egg and sperm and put them together for you, you're still young and they will get the right ones eventually.

I like your new profile pic by the way! x

 

[cornishfairy]

I totally know how you feel. Last year one of my three best mates got pregnant by accident, she was the first in the group to get pregnant though and although I was gutted I was more shocked than anything! When she had her baby in November i was quite excited about meeting him when I travelled home for Xmas. He was gorgeous. On the first day I met him, one of my other friends picked me up and did the dreaded 'we have some news for you' - my heart sank, I felt so guilty that my 'ooh wonderful' reaction didn't sound sincere. They'd only just started trying and had fallen second cycle after having the implant removed. I managed to get through the day but felt so upset when I got home. A couple of days later hubby joined me for the Christmas hols and we went out for a drink with the third friend, thinking 'at least we can have a few drinks with them and not have to talk babies, especially as af had just arrived for me. Get to the pub and you've guessed it - 'we've got some news....' I couldn't believe it. Hubby and I were totally heartbroken, obviously we were happy for them that they also had what they wanted and had caught first time and that none of our friends had suffered like we had, but my goodness it made it so much harder for us. I felt very left out during the pregnancies (not helped by the fact I am physically a long way away from them as I live almost 300 miles away) and even when the babies arrived, of course I loved them all to bits, but I felt totally excluded from all their conversations and it always seemed like people were looking at me as if to say 'ah it's such a shame'.
I don't think anyone who hasn't had trouble ttc will ever really be able to understand the pain we feel when a pregnancy is announced and the guilt we feel about our reaction.
I hope you get to be that person spreading their wonderful news very soon, it's so very much deserved. Wishing you all the best and sending lots of hugs

 

[gemmainthesun]

aww thanks everyone youre all so good, im glad there is a place like this where we r all understood...Im feeling abit better over it, ive text her loads askin different stuff and showin an interest, Im just trying to be positive and happy x

 

[zoey88]

I totally understand how u feel all my friends have babies and im the only one who doesnt. seems so frustrating at times! hope your ok x

 

[sunnyland27]

Aww I feel for you. It's hard to feel so guilty when you can't help how you feel.

My best friend got pregnant 1st month trying but lost it before getting the doc's confirmation. I knew how she felt because I've previously had similar experiences and helped her through. She tried again after a month's break and conceived again. I was genuinely sooo happy for her, thought this would be a good opportunity to put my maternal instincts and obsessive pregnancy/birth knowledge towards helping her, instead of making myself depressed, and now she's now about 15 weeks

I've realised recently that I must be deliberately avoiding her. Haven't seen her for weeks when we were really close before and I know she needs me (she's really very child-like and very dependent on me, her dad and husband for everything). Last time I talked to her properly she said "oh el I think I might have made a bit of a mistake" when she realised pregnancy isn't all nice and happy. Then I went for a meal with her and another friend and she repeated something she'd said a few years ago- she thought the baby was attached to her belly button like a snorkel (god knows what she thinks a placenta is or how the baby breathes oxygen without fully-formed lungs) hahaha. Obviously this is hilarious, especially as weve explained it all before. Even though I find it amusing when she says things like this (she once admitted she doesn't know what date Xmas is- thought it changed every year like Easter haha) I find it so hard to think she's not even read the baby books she has. If it was me I'd be constantly researching and wanting to learn about what my baby was doing.

We've been trying (at first it was NTNP but then I became worried) for 4 years 3 months now. Another friend has had a baby in that time but she had been broody for about 10 years so I suppose I was just happy she finally got her baby and it helps having a little now-18mth old around to look after too. I'm just hoping that it'll be the same for this baby and I won't just feel like it should've been me x

 

[Blueflower]

I feel like 'it should have been me' so often! Especially when someone doesn't appreciate the fact that they got pregnant straight away or if they weren't trying. Our neighbours conceived a year earlier than they planned and every time I see the baby I think it should have been us first because we'd already been trying for a year by then. A colleague yesterday said she wished she'd never had children and I actually gasped! I think it was because she had them young because it was expected and is now like a slave! I know that being older has given me time to think about what sort of parent I will be and I definitely won't be a slave! There must be some reason we are all having to wait so long!

 

[gemmainthesun]

I hate it this time of year aswell, went to see my friends boy in a xmas play the other day cos she coulkdnt get it off work so I took him and was sat there on my own watching and was just thinking how nice it would be to be there watching my own child, and it does make you sad...im at the stage noiw though that I can really see it happening, I do believe these frozen embryos will be a success and thats helping but everything just seems to take so long, and I know there isnt any guarntees but just trying to be positive x