telling people

Discussion in 'Long Term TTC & Fertility Issues' started by mrspc, Jan 21, 2012.

  1. mrspc

    mrspc Well-Known Member

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    I haven't told anyone we're ttc except my mum and best friends. OH's family don't know. Just now, I dropped something off at his mum's and she made her usual hint about having a baby - how she had seen a woman in the supermarket with her baby grandson and said to her 'I've got no more babies so I've bought a puppy'.

    I could have cried esp cos I can feel the witch coming on AGAIN. Felt like shouting 'We're trying the best that we can!'

    Would it be better if they knew we were trying?

    We didn't say anything at first cos we didn't want the pressure of everyone waiting.

    What are your experiences/views on this?

    xx
     
    #1 mrspc, Jan 21, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2012
  2. LouiseB

    LouiseB Well-Known Member

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    Well, it's sounds to me like you are being pressured by their impatience anyway so nothing to lose.

    I personally don't mind telling close family and friends because i'm comfortable telling them that they are pretty ignorant if they say something unintentionally hurtful.

    Everyone i have told have been really good. They ask how i'm doing and let me talk about it even though they don't have a clue what i'm on about ;)
     
  3. mrspc

    mrspc Well-Known Member

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    Thanks hun, think you're right. I'm not usually shy about putting people in their place either but with this particular touchy subject I worry that I will start crying before I get the chance!

    At least I wouldn't feel that they think I'm strange for not wanting a baby and that I'm deliberately denying them!

    I do actually really get on with OH's family - they just think differently to me and expected me to start trying years ago when we first met when I was 24 but I didn't even consider it because I had my career and wanted to get married, have fun etc first. Now I think they think I'm getting too old! Maybe they were right?

    xx
     
  4. LouiseB

    LouiseB Well-Known Member

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    No point in thinking about the what if's about doing things differently.

    I always figure that a few tweeks either way and we could have found ourselves at the wrong place at the wrong time and not even be alive to enjoy the other aspects of life :oooo:

    Extreme, but not inaccurate ;)

    Im sure that your family will at least try to be supportive :)
     
    #4 LouiseB, Jan 21, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2012
  5. Kay Kay

    Kay Kay Well-Known Member

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    Hi mrspc, I only just told my mum this week that we're ttc and she was great, and we were thinking about telling OH's parents however after thinking about it we're not going to. They don't directly ask us where the grandbabies are however they do constantly tell us about every person they know who is pregnant as a lot of their friend's sons and daughters are getting pregnant at the mo. I know she is not trying to upset us or anything, she's just chit-chatting but it's really irratating.

    I have to say I think you're MIL saying that to the woman in the shop (and then telling you about it!!) is going way too far, whether or not she knows you're ttc that is just not on!! Very insensitive! The only way to prevent these things happening is to tell them, not all the details but just that you're trying and her comments are making you feel like poo. Well, you can use your own words :) Good luck hun and sorry about AF :-(
     
  6. mrspc

    mrspc Well-Known Member

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    Oh that's nothing! The comments are much more subtle and less frequent than they used to be - they just didn't upset me then cos it was my choice not to be pregnant but now it hurts!

    I've had everything from 'what are you applying for another job for? What about my grandchildren? to 'Have a great holiday at our apartment - we expect a baby in 9 months' time!' The list is endless! They're not coming from a horrible place, she just loves babies and wants us to have one.

    Prob best to tell her though cos not fair...she wouldn't deliberately upset me.

    xxx
     
  7. Kay Kay

    Kay Kay Well-Known Member

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    God! I should probably be thankful for my MIL after reading that! As you say it's all well-meant but it probably hasn't crossed her mind that you might be struggling to conceive otherwise she wouldn't say these things. My mum would drop the odd hint ('you should be taking folic acid' - this was a comment completely out the blue, we weren't even talking about pregnancy! and 'i'm putting bits and bobs away for when you two have a baby'). When I told her the other day that it's been almost 2 years she told me she took a while to conceive my older brother she it was actually nice that she could relate to my situation. She apologised for dropping hints etc and I'm sure felt terrible for upsetting me, your MIL probably will too xxx p.s - and hey you're not too old cos if you are then so am I :lol: x
     
  8. maybe baby

    maybe baby Well-Known Member

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    I told everyone close to me when I first got a BFP in August 2010, not expecting that and the other 5 times to end up like they have and for me to still be here in 2012 so from telling everyone that first time they all know I'm TTC, I have talked quite openly about things with all my friends and have had 2 friends have baby's who started ttc after me, I think because I was open and filled them in on everything that was going on they were never awkward around me and we enjoyed spending time together and still do now the girls are here!

    For me telling everyone has worked out fine, I guess I trust my friends not to gossip with other people about it though...

    Good luck whatever you decide.:)

    Xx
     
  9. ScotchEgg

    ScotchEgg Well-Known Member

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    I think it depends on the people. I told one person who was overbearing and while we were going through diagnostics kept telling me that what will be well be. I no longer discuss any of it with her and change the subject when she brings it up. Other friends and family have been amazing.

    We told our family when we started ttc but they're not the types to ask much and leave updates to us.

    We told our close friends once we had a diagnosis and knew we'd be having difficult treatment and they've been amazing.

    But there are other people I wouldn't say a word to as I know they'd be a pain...
     
  10. blondy13

    blondy13 Well-Known Member

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    I agree with scotch, it depends on the people and also their situation as to how they'll react. We've not told many people but our best friends who have just had a baby get it more than my best friend who is single and not even thinking about kids. I have told my mum but DH's family don't know - I think I just don't want to cope with all the questions really. But I think if they were dropping hints like your MIL I would definitely tell them. I'm sure she doesn't mean to offend you, I guess she's just not thinking about what she says.

    Hope you're doing ok xxx
     
  11. Chazabell

    Chazabell Well-Known Member

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    We didn't tell a sole for 6 months, then we told our best friends who have been fab. Our Mums know too, and couple of my family.

    My Mum is concerned we have to go for IUI, his Mum replied with 'but why arent you getting caught?' where we told her about IUI, and says all she wants is to be Nanny to our baby which is sweet but i feel pressured by it.

    We told another friend at new year who pretty much wrote us off and started talking about adoption etc which peed me off.

    It depends on who your telling, and how comfortable you feel dealing with it. Im keeping quiet now xx
     
  12. CARNAT22

    CARNAT22 Well-Known Member

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    OH and I have big families (he is one of 6 siblings, I am one of 4 siblings and we're close to our families) so when I fell pregnant we told immediate family... When I started bleeding / was threatened miscarriage we had to go back and tell them all and had to keep them all updated everytime I went for a scan etc.

    For three weeks I had my darling sister texting me every morning asking me what colour the bood was and how much there was :shock: :shock:

    OH told a few friends, but two of my friends had just announced their pregnancies so I decided to keep mine quiet (and obviously once I started bleeding I didn't want to upset anyone!!)

    We've not told any family members about the 2nd and 3rd pregnancy and they don't know we're under the care of a recurrent miscarriage clinic. I just couldn't handle the sympathy?? I know both of our families would be so sad to know what has happened to us since the fist miscarriage and I just can't handle that!

    I have told two friends the full story - ironically they are the friends that got pregnant at the same time as me last year [they both have newborn little boys now] and they have both been amazing! OH is an absolute star and this place is a God send!

    Obviously our families know about pregnancy #1 so they must wonder if we're TTC but luckily they have the common sense not to ask. My Aunty brings it up every now and then and it annoys my Mum so much (I imagine if my Mum knew I'd had 3 m/c's she'd probably punch my Aunt LOL!) My experience will certianly make me think twice about asking women whether or not they are planning to have kids!

    OH's Mum is a nurse and I am debating whether or not to speak to her? She actually works in the same hospital as our recurrent miscarriage clinic.

    xxxxxxxxxx
     
    #12 CARNAT22, Jan 23, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2012
  13. Gizzy Kelly

    Gizzy Kelly Well-Known Member

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    Most of our friends and family know we are TTC. We kept it quiet for ages but since we got married last April everyone asks you! SO I just say we are TTC and it has not happened yet but we are keeping positive. :)

    However since people are aware of our issues they have been really good. My friends ask for an update and I honestly don't mind talking about it. I feel comfortable talking about it and in fact it is easier to sound off to my close friends than going over and over the same issues with my hubby Neil. Obviously Neil and I talk about it alot.

    So I think it is easier telling peole but be careful who you tell. We only tell close friends and family and those that we trust not to gossip behind our backs, those who genuinly want it to happen for us and support us. I also find it good to talk to friends who are going through the same thing. At xmas I met up with a friend who has just had ovarian drilling and her hubby has a low sperm count. I have different issues to her but it good to chat openly face to face to somene who shares the ame frustrations but who you can laugh with as well!

    Also I have you guys as well, who I tell everything too!!! :) :)

    Gizzy xxxx
     

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