Feeling a bit down, want to let it out.

[shadow]

Feeling a bit down about me and OH.

Ever since I gave birth he's been really keen on getting intimate, things slowed down a bit in the last few weeks of my pregnancy (not suprising when u feel the size of a whale), and after I gave birth I felt like I practically had to beat him of with a stick- he's like a dog on heat! Its only been 3 weeks since our son came into the world, and we have been intimate twice since then, but I know he feels its not enough. I'm just not in that place right now, and I dont know how to explain it to him. He's mentioned numerous times am I going to join a gym/ get my excersize vid out/take baby to swim classes etc, which makes me feel like he doenst think i'm atractive anymore. To be perfectly honest, i just cant be arsed. I dont care what I look like, its not like baby sick, and shitty nappies make you feel like an attractive person!

Also he cannot go onto our computer without downloading porn. I dont have a problem with porn, we've watched loads together, but he hides it from me, and pretends he hasnt been, when its clearly still on the computer. Thats what I hate most.

I must admit I do worry that if he's not getting satisfaction from me he'll go elsewhere. Its just in my head as we've been toegther for 7 years, and married for one, and he's not like that., but i tend to think he is male after all...

Sorry just wanted a moan, i'm feeling really down. Feel fat, spotty (developed adult acne in the last tri of my pregnany and it hasnt gone), and majorly unattractive. Finding it hard to get out of bed these days....

 

[mary70]

bless u hun have u told him how u feel it was 6 months after i had hannah that i even thought about sex because i had a bad section that wouldnt heal, i think you need to talk about how your feeling hun you dont need the pressure

 

[shadow]

I did have a very starightforward birth, no stiches or anyting.

It was 11 days afterwards for me. I just dont thikn he'll understand. He wont talk to me about it either; he'll just comlain the next time we do it, thats its been ages.

 

[Sherlock]

But its not just the physical side of sex is it. Its the emotional. You need to be in the right place to be able to enjoy and get something from it also. I don't see any point in having sex if its not being mutually enjoyed by both.

I think knowing he wants it is putting more pressure on you and you are going the opposite way and not wanting it.

I'd talk to him, be honest, explain how you feel and ask him to be understanding for a little while till you have your emotions on a more even keel and are able to start thinking about and enjoying sex again. There are things he and you can both do that don't involve actual sex. He might have to learn to make do for a while and not make you feel pressured.

Give yourself a chance to feel like a woman again, go get pampered a bit if you can and once you are settled a bit more with your LO you can hopefully start thinking about other things.

Hopefully your OH will understand and appreciate that his comments are having a negative effect on you, not a positive. And maybe he can find ways to pay more actual compliments and make you feel more attractive and wanted not just sexually but emotionally also. Even if you don't have sex, its nice to feel wanted and attractive as it helps your frame of mind.

 

[shadow]

It weird how men and women have different views on sex isnt it. I know if I told OH I didnt want it because it hurt, then he'd understand as its a physical thing; whereas if I say I'm not ready emotionally, he just wont get it.

 

[Emma58]

I'm going through the same thing with my OH at the moment too. Normally I don't have a problem with him looking at porn but after finding out he had the other night i went mental and it's really upset me and caused us problems. I agree with Sherlock also it's not the physical side of it it is the emotional side. He just can't seem to see why it really upset me him looking at it when at the moment I am feeling insecure about myself after having the baby

 

[trixipaws]

i felt like that after giving birth too

give it time, i now have my figure, my libido and my confidence back! but at one time (couple months after the birth) this seemed like an unlikely fantasy!

i didnt enjoy sex for ages after the birth, in fact it was like torture! and when my boobs were leaking milk all the time i felt so un-sexy. and the sleep deprivation dont help either does it.

u not long since given birth hun, dont be so hard on urself! if he's looking at porn, its probably more coz men have needs that NEED seeing to and he doesnt wanna bug u, he's being considerate. let him sort himself out, then theres no pressure on u! and also if he's meeting his needs that way, then at least theyre not being met by another woman! thats how i see it anyway. women often take it personally when their men look at porn- they worry theyre not attractive or whatever- when in fact its not even that complicated. and what most women dont realise is men pretty much find any nude female attractive- even if we dont coz of cellulite or stretchmarks, men dont even notice them, they just see a nude female and will find it attractive, bless them they are programmed that way!
and at least if he complains u dont do it often enough, that tells u he wants u more, therefore must find u attractive?! if it comes to it u can always lie and say it hurts if u think he'll find that easier to understand.