Feel such a bad mum sometimes!

[beckibooxx]

Sometimes i feel like such a bad mum, and i probably am when you read on... sorry if this is long
ok so im a single parent to 2 kids im 21 and babys dad has stuck around and dont get me wrong hes an amazing dad but sometimes his mood is worrying when hes around the kids, anyway when my 2nd baby alfie was born i found it extremely difficult to come to terms with, he was born 7 weeks early and my oldest lily whos 19 months was born 9 weeks aswell and having a second born early broke my heart cos i had to go through all the crap all over again, i left hospital feeling crap, when i visited him i didnt pay enough attention to him i didnt hold him as often as i should have, and the nurses picked up on this and told my health visitor, who then did a assesment kinda thing to check my mood, and i scored high for depression, i brushed it to the back of my head and shrugged it off to her and said im fine, this was back in december, she refered me to social services cos it was obvious i was struggling to cope and i needed help, near xmas i started getting really really bad, one night it got so bad that i started drinking, i led on the sofa and jus crashed out, my kids dad came over cos i told him im down and we had a massive arguement and i told him i didnt want him to be their dad anymore, my mates mum came over and had a word and left and so did my kids dad, next day i told myself it was time i should see a doctor cos this cant go on any longer, so i did, and they prescribed my cetalpram and i feel amazing on them now!, anyway after new year i had a visit from social again and she told me that my mates mum had got in contact with them about what happened before xmas and my mates mum had told them my house is always a mess, theres nappies and clutter everywhere (which isnt true!!) and i neglect my kids, NEVER bathe them... this hurt me so much... maybe im wrong.. maybe i did in some way neglect my kids,,, but after taking the tablets ive bonded with my son so much better and hes such a happy boy, i cry myself to sleep cos i cnt help but feel like ive let them both down, im not a perfect mum, the shock of becoming a mum at 19 was hard to deal with and aspecially being a single mum aswell... i absolutly love my kids to peices but i cant help but feel the way i do sometimes

 

[saralou5]

Didn't wanna read and run lovely. I don't have any personal experience with this but to me you don't sound like a bad mum. You sound like someone that needed help because of PND and you went and got that help. I think that shows you're far stronger than you think. Can't imagine how difficult it must be esp being so young and a single mum, but you're only going to get stronger from here onwards!! I've no doubt your kids love you more than anything in the world. Time is the best healer (as cliche as that sounds it's so true!). So keep your chin up and remember how lucky you are to have those two beautiful children . xxxx

 

[pinkymum]

Sounds like you're doing all the right things to be the best mummy you can be! You've asked for help, you recognised you were having problems. That's a huge step. You have to look after yourself or you won't be much use to your lovely babies. All of us make mistakes, you're young and you're on your own! I chose to be a single mum, I'm 30 and I think it's hard work so I can't imagine how you must feel at your age with 2. Don't punish yourself for the mistakes you've made, just keep trying to do your best. No one expects you to be perfect!

X x x

 

[Sarah13]

I agree with the others don't keep punishing yourself it sounds like you were ill and on the mend now. Don't waste anymore time worrying about the past you can't go back only forwards so enjoy your kids now and put your depression behind you. Don't be so hard on yourself, life will still be hard at times but i think it is with babies and children when your on your own however old you are. Try to enjoy them and live for the present a they grow up far too quickly x

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[Squeakz]

hug hun!! dont punish yourself for what has happened, work to making things wonderful which it sounds like you're doing a wonderful job of! PND is horrible and remember YOU took the step to got to the doctors! off your own back YOU did. You took an active step to change things!! Do remember as well SS arent there to hurt you but upport you when you are having difficulties which it sound like you were, so worry not hun! If you're making a difference now be proud that you saw aproblem and worked on it and have made an effort to change! id use your mate mum a a way of motivation. Proove to yourself that she was chatting bubbles etc and everytime you see her you can mentally flip her the bird!!

Hugs hun!! xx

 

[pinkyprincess]

Gosh you've had a rough ride!! Any social worker that has any sense will see your a great mummy! They are there to help you!! Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[Olive]

Agree with the other ladies. PND must be very hard. Just remember that SS are there to help both you and your children and will provide you with support.xx

 

[kentgall8484]

nobody is perfect and you dont sound like a bad mum at all. i have just come off of citilapram after 9 years and its really hard, they do help with depression and at least you have sort out the help you need for your low mood. also having a prem baby is so traumatic no wonder you felt down. keep going and dont worry what drama other ppl are trying to cause xx

 

[scaredmum2be]

its not your fault you suffered PND lots of mums go through this it doesnt make you a bad mum, everyone has blips in there life and your friends cant be good friends if they go and say things like that and get social services involved but atleast you went to seek help and making improvements and are able to bond with your kids now. be happier that you manage to seek help when you did. Hopefully SS will be off your case so you can get on with your life with your kids and be happy xx

 

[pinkyprincess]

Has becki been on since this thread??

 

[beckibooxx]

Hey thanks for the wonderful comments, truly means alot!
things are looking up, obviously social are still involved i cant wait till there not.. its kind of embarrasing sayin to people that i have them around sticking there noses in but i know their there to help me i know not every mother is perfect, i certainly aint one, but i do try, and yeah having two premature babys was traumatic and i dont think anyone really realised that, nurses in NICU and when my son was rushed to hospital when he had bronchiolitis noticed i hadnt been bonding with him and they seems really mean about it! dont think they realised but hey ho!
im so much happier than i ever have been, but like i said i still have bad days but then everyone does
thanks alot girls again for the nice comments