Feel Numb

[kedi376]

I feel numb, like this isn't really happening to me. I cried for hours on Wednesday night and then yesterday and today I've not cried at all. In fact I've laughed loads today, then I suddenly remember where I'll be on Monday morning.

Everyone says the next time will be ok, and at least we know we can get pregnant. But then everyone said this time would be ok this time too. I don't even feel like I wanna try again, like even if I were lucky enough to get PG again I will just panic (yet again) at everything.

I just feel numb.

 

[leesey]

Sometimes I feel really happy about something, then it occurs to me that it's only been a week or so, and then I feel guilty that I've felt happy so soon, even for a minute.
My mum says the same thing, at least you know you can get pregnant. But what use is it when you can't stay pregnant.

I'm not being much help here really am I? I hope you feel better soon xx

 

[kedi376]

I guess it's nice to know it's not just me.....I feel bad for laughing when I remember.

I can't get out of my head I have a dead baby inside me at the moment.

 

[TORino]

Aw kedi give yourself time sweetheart, don't be too hard on yourself. It is ok to feel sad/angry/numb, you are probably still getting over the shock of what has happened.

I struggled loads with carrying a dead baby around with me. I found out on the Thursday and had the weekend and Monday and Tuesday to see if it would come away itself but it never. I couldn't move on with my life until after I had taken care of things. The disappointment I felt that my body was clinging on to a dead soul was immense. Why couldn't it come away like it was meant to?

I hope after your procedure you might be able to look forward to the future and start the grieving process. Thinking of you xxx

 

[KarolinaMoon]

aww kedi sorry this is happening to you, it is a horrible horrible experience, but please know that thing do get better I had a m/c on 13 oct, and can honestly say that the horrible feelings do subside with time, just be kind to yourself and allow yourself to feel what you feel.....

message me if you need to talk, thinking about you xxx

 

[BabyBrain]

Hunny there's only so much grief your mind will let you take. I talked about this numb feeling to a bereavement counsellor once and she said it's like a self defence mechanism to stop us literally going mad with grief. She said that the mind has to take time out sometimes to recover itself. Your mood will go up and down and it's all part of the normal grieving process.

You need to give yourself time sweetheart, everything you are experiencing is perfectly normal (if there is such a "normal" in this devastating time). You are in limbo really until Monday. I thinking of you love xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[netty]

I went through a period where i felt dead inside, no more tears would come i just felt totally numb like you describe. Its a natural part of the greiving process, i also went though a period of feeling super pissed off my baby was gone, i am still up and down now sometimes but it gets better with time. Its hard to accept that though when you are feelin so raw xx

 

[netty]

also i carried my baby for a week after finding out it was dead and i felt just terrible knowing my baby wasnt alive but was still insdie me and that my body still just thought i was pregnant, i found out at 14 weeks and baby stopped developing at 10 so thats a month i was walking around being happy thinking everything was ok. it hits you so hard doesnt it? hope you can start to move on soon hun

 

[Nurse 26]

Hey hun

I know its awful and you have to give your self time, don't expect to much of yourself
After my second mc I stayed in bed for a whole week and wouldn't speak to anyone, I was so up and down with the moods for weeks, what really helped me was a holiday, hubby booked us a holiday (that we couldn't really afford) but it really did the trick for me, needed to get away from everything and everyone, just me and hubby, even if its just a few days away somewhere close by I would really recommend.

As for feeling your carrying a dead baby I just thought of it as looking after my little one till we could send him to heaven, silly I know but it helped

Another thing that helped me was to have a plan, discuss with the dr who was great. I really think its the low dose asprin that's done the trick this time for me.

Take care hun

 

[Sunbeam638]

Big hugs sweet cheeks xx

 

[leesey]

As for feeling your carrying a dead baby I just thought of it as looking after my little one till we could send him to heaven, silly I know but it helped

That's lovely Nurse xx

 

[kedi376]

Thanks ladies, I still feel sort of numb today, like its not really happening. I'm starting to panic a bit about Monday, maybe I should have gone for medical management instead, I don't know.

The day we got our bad news we also got the news that the SIL in turkey gave birth 4 weeks early. OH is now booking a week to go home and see his family at the end of the month. I really can't get the time off work, without pissing a load of people off and to be honest I'm not sure I want to spend a week with a new born in the same house.

I think once I get this week out of the way I'll go see the GP and see if he can offer any advice. Worth a try I think.

 

[cosmicgirl]

look after your self lovely, I'll be thinking about you x


Sent from my knackered iPhone

 

[k8_005]

Sending a big hug. Iv not been through the same as you but I do know the fear of trying again after a pregnancy has gone wrong. I understand the numb after loss and all I can say is time is a healer the days will be up and down yes great news u can fall preg. I get told the same and like you think it won't stop it going bad again though. Hopefully its just been bad luck and that next time you will be ok I think the important thing is to take care of yourself and not stop yourself having fun and living. No matter the situation why me will never be answered and if you are able to have good times too then they begin to balence out against the bad. You have got us all here for support and as everyone says be kind to yourself I also agree with nurse your body just looked after your babe a bit longer nothing to feel bad about xxx

 

[dyscochick]

BIG hugs Kedi and I hope tomorrow goes OK, as well as a day like this can go.

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

I found out my baby had been dead for weeks before they found out And i then carried her for another day but fortunately went into labour the next day
worst thing was that because the baby was hard and compacted, i could feel it 'kicking' but it was just knocking about

horrible

You will feel better soon xxx be kind to yourself xx

 

[Nurse 26]

Thinking of you today hun, hope it goes ok. Xxx

 

[netty]

i hope everything goes ok today hun, as well as it can do anyway x thinking of you xx

 

[CARNAT22]

I wasn't able to log on over the weekend but just to echo everyone else. Sending you lots of love for today.

I am in the midst of M/c #3, one loss is bad enough but to suffer from reoccurent losses is just fcuking mental torture.

We're all here for you.

xxxxxxxxx

 

[netty]

i hope you get some answers carnat, what you have been through is terrible make sure they go on your records xx