Fear of doctors, TTC, anxiety!!!

[Yorkshiredrago]

Hi everyone.

This is my first post and I was wanting to get others peoples take on what the hell its going on in my head!

Myself and my husband have been TTC for 16 months now with no luck. Not even close. I’m 34 years old. I was on birth control since I was 16, on the pill, and stopped taking this about 4 years ago. Now this may sound crazy but never in my life have I ever had any ‘pregnancy scares’ and yes, I know I was on the pill but I was silly sometimes in my younger years and would go for a a period of time and not take it, and have unprotected sex.

Anyway, I have an irrational fear of the doctors and the thought of going and speaking to someone about fertility fills me with dread, literally gives me palpitations and sweating palms!! I have avoid the doctors like the plague since I can remember for no explained reason, they just petrify me!

Now I’m in a situation where I know I should go and have the initia chat with them, although 16 months of trying isn’t a long time, I know that.

I’ve also started acupuncture sessions to see if that makes a difference, still very early days yet.

I guess my question is how can I overcome this? It keeps me awake at night and I wake up in a cold sweat thinking about it. I just don’t know what to do.

I desperately want a baby but whatever is going on in my head is preventing me making the steps I need to take.

Any advise, good or bad, is welcomed!

)

 

[SugaryIris]

Oh sweetie, I’m sorry you’re having a bad time, my sister has crippling anxiety so I know how deabilitating it can be. Stressing about the doctors isn’t going to help you though as cortisol is no good when ttc. My advice would be seek some help or counselling so you can try to deal with your issues first, concentrate on you then hopefully that will make the other steps fall into place when you can think a bit more rationally xx

 

[Sunflower1]

It's a scary thing taking to doctor about fertility. I think it helps if it's a GP you are comfortable with. Would you feel better about a female one? Maybe get your partner to hunt down a good GP first. We had to change GP surgerys because all the good ones left. I think it's important you get a nice one if you are anxious, one with good bedside manner. Once he has done that if you can just rip the bandaid off and do it, it may be much better once things are underway.

Also if you can identify exactly what you are scared off it may help, whether you are freaking yourself out with worst case scenarios.... Or your OH could go first and get a sperm test - it's very straightforward - that might be a start.

 

[Sunflower1]

Also I agree that seeing a counsellor or therapist may help. It may be you had a really bad experience when you were little that you can't remember. It's not good to avoid the doctors altogether and if you suddenly get pregnant you will suddenly have to deal with it and best to avoid the panick attack type feelings when pregnant.

 

[Yorkshiredrago]

Thank you both so much for the words of support and advice.

My fear is that I always expect to hear the worst and that scares the hell out of me. I’ve always been the same where I get I’ll and then panic silently about being ill that I work myself up so much about it that I make myself worse, but I never tell anyone about how I feel. To talk to, I’m a strong, supportive person who people always come to for advice when deep down inside I’m a secret mess haha. Even to the point that I’ve only just opened up to my husband about it because I’ve been such a closed book about it. I never want to bother anyone else with my anxiety.

One of the main reasons I know I need to get this sorted is because I know the involvement of drs when we do get pregnant. I guess I’m scared to go to the drs about fertility is because what if there is something seriously wrong with me and in my head I’m thinking what is they tell me I have cancer or something terrible. It’s just how my brain works...I wish I could escape it sometimes and think rationally about it rather than jumping to conclusions in my mind.

 

[Sunflower1]

I get it - the worst case scenario thing. Logically though even if it was worst case scenario, you're better off getting diagnosed and treated than ignoring it! And I'm sure it's not going to be that. Maybe try some positive visualisations of it going well and being straightforward.