Fathers for Justice

[Jade&Evie]

Opinions Please...

I think that more men should get involved- the fact they go to such risks to get their point across proves they aren't fathers who don't care.

IMO it's time this country realises that it takes two people to make a baby and if those two people don't stay together they HAVE to stay relatively civil with each other for THEIR childs sake. Surely you accept that no matter what, when you have a baby the father becomes part of your life forever.

If my OH and I split, unless I thought her to be in danger I would NEVER stop Evie seeing John/his family- She's as much his as she is mine.

 

[suzy100]

Well done for that! I totally agree.
Children always get used as amunition and its wrong.
The child is as much the fathers as the mothers. They dont solely belong to her.
I have been on both sides of this argument.
I stopped my eldest daughters father from seeing her and my reasons were well and truly justified. He is at the moment serving a mandatory life sentence for assault.!!!
On the other hand, my partner of 4 years has only just finished his court battle to see his 2 sons. The only reason she has to stop him seeing them is because she is jealous of us.
Fathers have as much a right as mothers and its about time the legal system realised this!

 

[beanie]

completely agree but F4J do't really do themselves any favours with the way they demonstrate. I think they are ruining it for other fathers

 

[lisa&alex]

i dont agree in some situations.. if the father has the childs best interests at heart then fine.. but if they have fucked around in and out of the childs life..

then in my situation dont contact you for over 9 months and suddenly want contact.. take you to court.. but yet wont pay a penny for their child.. (say why doesnt alex buy it) - but yet alex isnt allowed to be called daddy.. as hes not her daddy..
say i will take her shopping for whatever she needs bu im not giving you money coz you will spend it on yuorself..and when you say she is desperate for trainors he says il take her next time.. she asks for a new bike (not forgetting he didnt buy her birthday presents or xmas presents in the last 2 years.. and wants a new bike.. he replies.. il get you one for your birthday..(in november) she comes home.. covered in chocolate.. he has promiced to give her healthy snacks.. fair enough a treat with him.. but sausage and chips from the chippy.. candyfloss and chocolate icecream..(grrr) and when i go to tesco at 8am.. so that my daughter can take a brand new tube of factor 50 sun tan lotion so that her daddy can keep it in the car for her.. she comes home that day with blisters on her back from not having suntan lotion on.. pisses me off.. he isnt responsible to look after a child..he doesnt realise things he is doing or respect my ideas on parenting..

if this was your child you would want to protect them.. so i kinda dont think its fair to judge situations unless your in them or have been int hem yuorself..

 

[Babylicious]

surely most people wouldn't stop their ex from seeing the child unless it was for a valid reason.

I'm my case my ex was sexually abusing my daughter so it's a sore subject for me

 

[chickadee1976]

I can see this from both sides.

My sons father sperm doner has never been part of his life and has never paid a penny towards his keep.
He is a complete waster and i think if he tried to approach me for access now id do everything in my power to stop it.
Cameron is happy and well adjusted and not having a dad doesnt really bother him.
He asks now and then and im honest and open with him about it, but can only see his father being detremental (sp.) to his life,

On the other hand Brians sees his son every weekend and has provided for him through CSA and just generally buying him stuff when necessary. But sometimes it feels like we are just baby sitters, we have to ask if we can have him an extra night or take him on holiday. And she (his mum)can just say no if she wants . For us to fight her saying no we would have to go to court for access.
It just irritates me that she thinks that she has more rights and more say over his life.
They made him together so surely mothers and fathers should be entitled to equal rights.

I know this totally counteracts my point made about my sons father but the situations are so different.

If you are a good loving and responsilble parent you should be entitled to equal rights.

Hmm waffling again

 

[beanie]

surely most people wouldn't stop their ex from seeing the child unless it was for a valid reason.

I'm my case my ex was sexually abusing my daughter so it's a sore subject for me

most sensible people, i know of one mother who makes it difficult for her ex to see his child as she doesn't like the fact he has a new girlfriend. if a man cannot be bothered to pay for his child, take any resposibility or poses a risk of harm then no he shouldn't have rights but ikn other cases where a man wants to be a father they are not given the same rights as the mother

 

[Sammystar]

i dont agree in some situations.. if the father has the childs best interests at heart then fine.. but if they have f**k around in and out of the childs life..

then in my situation dont contact you for over 9 months and suddenly want contact.. take you to court.. but yet wont pay a penny for their child.. (say why doesnt alex buy it) - but yet alex isnt allowed to be called daddy.. as hes not her daddy..
say i will take her shopping for whatever she needs bu im not giving you money coz you will spend it on yuorself..and when you say she is desperate for trainors he says il take her next time.. she asks for a new bike (not forgetting he didnt buy her birthday presents or xmas presents in the last 2 years.. and wants a new bike.. he replies.. il get you one for your birthday..(in november) she comes home.. covered in chocolate.. he has promiced to give her healthy snacks.. fair enough a treat with him.. but sausage and chips from the chippy.. candyfloss and chocolate icecream..(grrr) and when i go to tesco at 8am.. so that my daughter can take a brand new tube of factor 50 sun tan lotion so that her daddy can keep it in the car for her.. she comes home that day with blisters on her back from not having suntan lotion on.. p*sses me off.. he isnt responsible to look after a child..he doesnt realise things he is doing or respect my ideas on parenting..

if this was your child you would want to protect them.. so i kinda dont think its fair to judge situations unless your in them or have been int hem yuorself..

Totally agree. You cannot make sweeping statements like 'they HAVE to stay civil for THEIR childs sake'

I doubt any mother would want to deprive their kids of a father, but in many cases there is a very valid reason.

Having recently found myself in the very horrible position of being suddenly single I can vouch for that.

True, there are many dads who get a raw deal and there are many mothers who use their kids a weapon, which is unforgivable to me, and in these cases I fully support the dads.

But each case is different, and I'd have to say that in many cases the father must show that he is serious about the welfare of his child (and not just 'playing' at it, as my ex seems to be) and if he can't, then the child has the right to be protected at all costs.

 

[Jen & Her Men]

personally i dont think its about the rights of the mother or father, its about the rights of the child and what is in their best interests...if that means both parents having access than fantastic but if one of the parents are detrimental to the well being of the child then they should be denied the same rights as the parent who looks after the child properly.

 

[kazlin]

i dont agree in some situations.. if the father has the childs best interests at heart then fine.. but if they have f**k around in and out of the childs life..

My ex husband was like this with his two children. They lived in Australia, he didn't pay a penny towards them for years, hardly had contact (he could have phoned them once a week) then when he visited he wanted to act the proud 'these are my children' father! I babysat them both while we were over there once and his little 10 year old girl was crying about him, his son hardly knew him. The visit seemed to confuse them.

When he went over there without me for 5 weeks a few years later, he didn't even see his children, seeing and sleeping with the woman who he left the mother of his children for was much more important!!!

My ex was such a nice bloke!!!

 

[Jade&Evie]

just wanted to point out that my opinion is based on men who aren't a danger to their children. i know plenty of women who don't want their ex to have equal rights because their partner has a new girlfriend- i think that's just wrong.

 

[kazlin]

just wanted to point out that my opinion is based on men who aren't a danger to their children. i know plenty of women who don't want their ex to have equal rights because their partner has a new girlfriend- i think that's just wrong.

Some men can emotionally damage their children

Just my opinion babe

 

[Jade&Evie]

i see your point Kaz but some women emotionally damage their children by constantly slagging off their dads!

The fathers who protest with F4J really want to be fathers to their children and it makes me sad that they have to do the things they do to get noticed

 

[Sammystar]

just wanted to point out that my opinion is based on men who aren't a danger to their children. i know plenty of women who don't want their ex to have equal rights because their partner has a new girlfriend- i think that's just wrong.

My ex would never hurt a flea, but that doesn't make him a good dad......

I agree though that women who are jealous of a new partner have no right to stop the kids from seeing their dad. That's ridiculous.

 

[Squiglet]

I've just got in contact with my half sister who I have never met.... she hadn't seen my dad in over 30 years.... my dad paid maintenance towards her for 21 years without fail, despite having a second family... every xmas and birthday, he would send pressies, but his ex refused to let him see my half sister and we have now found out that she never received a single present... he had no standing back then for custody and as a result he has never had a relationship with this woman who is supposed to be his daughter...

My ex... is permitted to see his daughter whenever he wants, he is never asked for money, and I have always kept the relationship amicable for the sake of my daughter... she saw us argue all the time when we were together... she doesn't need to see that anymore... yet I'm the bad guy because I took her away from him... (we lived in a council house, he refused to leave, council said I had a home so tough) My DH has raised my daughter as his own, yet I get berated because she has chosen to call DH dad and according to my ex... "he's not her dad"... seems like it to me considering all he does for her...

So I can understand fathers 4 justice... but what about mothers 4 justice too... why do some men get away with it? and no the CSA refuse to help me... so thats no good...

In away fathers for justice make a lot of women look bad but thats not fair... while there are fathers treated badly and deserve to have rights... there are mothers treated badly too

 

[Misslarue]

There are some women who do use their children as pawns despite how much the fathers wants a relationship with his own child. My friends ex wife moved to Scotland without telling him taking their son with her. She had remarried and decided her new husband should be the new 'dad'. My friend had to hire a private detective to find her. After court hearings etc he now sees his son for a 2 hour visit every other Saturday. He lives in Sussex and makes the 9 hour journey to spend 2 precious little hour with him. Now thats dedication!

 

[zebrastripes]

I agree with Jade in that F4J clearly genuinely care for their kids, the proof is in the lengths they go to- and if they had something to hide they wouldn't be on top of Harriet Harmon's house in Superman costumes, IYKWIM?

Personally I can see why they are doing it. I didn't know my dad for 6 years. when Mum got pregnant, he proposed to her twice and she refused, she was doing nursing training in Cambridge and buggered away back to NI without telling Dad.Because her parents told her to.

Without going into too much detail basically my maternal side of the family are a bunch of crazy,crazy Christians who didn't like Dad because he didn't fit in with their little view of the world. Mum isn't weak or anything, but she had been controlled so much by her family.
So basically my dad saw me for 2 weeks after I was born, and didn't see me again until I was 6, when Mum tried to rectify the huge mistake she made. Why? Because he "wasn't a Christian". That was it. She didn't even put his name down on the birth certificate,so he could get no access to me at all. He did try but the opposition he faced, alone in a strange country with the whole family against him, was immense.
She refused to take any of the CSA money Dad was willing to pay, she tore up the cheques he sent her, and i never got any of the presents he sent for birthdays and Xmas. I was to all intents and purposes, denied a father. I didn't even know I had one.End of, I get bullied at school, because I literally knew nothing of my dad. At least the kids whose parents were divorced knew their fathers. I didn't even know I had another set of grandparents, nothing.

Ofc Mum, who is a good person really, and Dad, have now been happily married for 10 years so this particular story ends well.

But basically my personal experience means I'd give F4J the time of day. Some men are twats of course, but not all, and unless the father is a complete ass/kiddy fiddler/misogynist pig etc, it isn't fair to give a child no idea of their paternity

 

[lisa&alex]

dunno.. think some people view f4j with rose tinted glasses... there probably are some decent dads out there and a few ex wives who are bitches.. but i think the majority of cases its bn the dad who has fucked about in the 1st place and thats the reason mums want to keep their babies from the pain of relationship breakdowns from their dads..

i know ive tried my best to protect charlotte.. now i just have to support her and his relationship even though i know hes a twat and he cant look after her properly.. i look at it as.. if he were a baby sitter or child minder.. in the eyes of the law would he b able to treat her the way he does.. no he wouldnt.. just because his sperm made her doesnt mean he should be allowed to do these things..

 

[Squiglet]

i think the majority of cases its bn the dad who has f**k about in the 1st place and thats the reason mums want to keep their babies from the pain of relationship breakdowns from their dads..

i know ive tried my best to protect charlotte.. now i just have to support her and his relationship even though i know hes a tw*t and he cant look after her properly.. i look at it as.. if he were a baby sitter or child minder.. in the eyes of the law would he b able to treat her the way he does.. no he wouldnt.. just because his sperm made her doesnt mean he should be allowed to do these things..

Not everyone is made to be a good mum or dad... Even if the dad has f**kd around in the relationship... the relationship between the parents is NOT the same relationship between child and father...I always tell Tia when she asks... that sometimes parents can be pretty cr*p at their jobs... but it doesn't mean they love you any less

tbh... if a man is as bad as the mother makes him out to be... then she should have no worries about the child seeing the father... kids aren't stupid.. the see through people much quicker than adults do... and I'm sure the father will mess up or do something stupid which will prove that the father is an twasok...

Its why I have always wanted my ex to see Tia... I want her to know the real thing... yer he took Tia every day but let her down by not wanting Tia to stay with him... she was also very intelligent enough to milk him for as much stuff as she could get and to eat as much junk food. but kids are kids...

If there are some serious concerns such as physical/sexual abuse then fair enough... but otherwise its important to support any relationship between your ex and your child... otherwise you end up facing difficult questions in the future... by allowing them to see each other you allow your ex to mess up the relationship if he is such a cr*p person.

 

[Sydneysmum]

I've seen this situation from so many different angles. My Dad left when I was 9 and I did see him every weekend but he had an absolute b!tch of a girlfriend who he eventually married so I didn't want anything to do with him. She made sure that he found it difficult to pay maintenance and that I wasn't welcome in their house (she threw cups of tea and even a plate of food at me onee). When I was 24 he left her and had no where else left to go but to live with me which I loved - it felt like Daddy had come home I also had 2 brothers and a sister which came from that marriage and I love them dearly. My Dad wasn't a bad man, he just made mistakes and thought with his trousers - he changed as he got older.

My Mum married an absolute b@stard when I was 14 who didn't pay the bills (my mum was ill after my brother was born and couldn't work) and we were eventually made homeless. He never saw his children, didn't care about paying for them and when he died, they didn't come to his funeral.

The cycle continued as when I was 8 months pregnant last time, my husband left me. After the birth he was more than often drunk and doped up to the eyeballs and I sent him away on many a Saturday afternoon without seeing his baby because he just wasn't fit. He was always more than generous with money and finally sorted himself out. I didn't allow my son to see him when he was unbalanced because as far as I'm concerned an absent Dad is better than an unfit Dad. There are no clean and cut answers. I know plenty of women who have abused the power of the law put there to protect them against ex partners and men who have used their children to pull at a mother's heart strings to prelong the control over them long after the relationship has ended (my friend is dealing with this at the moment).

The justice system is put there to protect people but there will always be people unscrupulous enough to abuse this in order to meet their own ends regardless of how much they hurt their children.