Upbringing for baby

[pinkyprincess]

I'm almost ashamed of my family in law's views on the world, and I'm worried about how I'm going to teach my little boy how to live his life with their influence!
Sound's really harsh but his family (OH included) are homophobic, 'working class' (only using that expression because that's what they use, I actually hate it and they seem to think that people are always looking down on them) racists.
Don't get me wrong, I really get on well with his family, except when the subject (for example) I have a lot of gay friends (my mum was also with a woman at one point in my childhood) and go out to gay clubs comes up and they start making derogative comments or anything goes wrong with the country, or locally and its because of the 'blacks'
I totally understand that, it is there opinion (even if I feel it's the wrong attitude to have) but how can I teach my son not to judge on appearances, accept people for who they are and respect everyone when he's hearing opposite views from them and his father?
I really don't want to start a debate over what’s right and wrong in the world and what people’s personal opinions on the above are! I'd just like to know how you guys would handle this (or even have handled it) as it worries me every day! I also wanted to get it off my chest a bit as I'm a bit ashamed sometimes that these amazing people have such backward views on the world! I don’t want to talk to my friends about it in case they judge me because of the family’s views (which is another worry what he’s at school. We live in a very multicultural part of London, what if he says something he shouldn’t?)
How do you teach LO to look at people for who they are inside? Not by outward appearances?

 

[Susanne]

They sound a bit like my mother-in-law, to be honest, and I was also worried that my children would pick up her horrible attitudes. So far, thank goodness, that hasn't happened at all. My husband and I have told them very clearly what our own opinions are, and when they have asked why their grandmother has such different views we have explained to them that different people have different opinions, and that that is perfectly ok, and we have explained to them why we disagree with some of their grandmother's opinions without making her look like the bad guy. So far, this seems to be working pretty well. However, we had the advantage that my husband and I have very similar views to each other (and both very different ones to his mother), whilst you say your husband shares his parents' opinion, so I realise that this will probably make things a bit more tricky in your case. Maybe you could talk to him about it before the baby is born and agree to avoid political topics around the children as much as possible? Sorry, I can't really come up with a better suggestion than that, but I think that as long as your children are exposed to your views as well as those of your in-laws, they will, when they are old enough, be able to make up their own minds on what they think is right and wrong rather than just take on board other people's opinions without thinking.

 

[Olive]

Ah hun I would speak to them and say that you don't want them sharing their views with lo when he is older as you don't share the same views. Maybe it's best you discuss with OH first?

Hopefully, they'll have enough tact not to discuss around lo anyway.

xxx

 

[pinkyprincess]

Olive I wish that would work! I'm having enough trouble convincing my OH that we can't store the fabric parts of my travel system at his nans house because she smokes! They are very stunk in their ways! I'm hoping that when i'm around at there house with the baby and they say anything derogitive I might try and ask them not to around LO. I just think it all comes so nautrally to them that they wouldnt think twice.

Susanne I'm hoping that your way will work. Hlopefully i'll be working part time so at home with him sometimes which I guess would mean he's influanced to my way of thinking! lol

 

[isobel84]

I would tell them they r not aloud to talk shit like that when lo is around. Its unacceptable! Ppl have not got the right to speak bad about noVo ppl or homosexual, my son is mixed raced n I swear of anyone made a coment on him or any one else not being as good as the white ppl, I would let them know how stupid ignorant n fucking dumb they are.

 

[pinkyprincess]

I agree with you, but have found that people who have these sort of prejadices think that they are right and they are smarter for being right and always have an answer. I've spent many a wasted breath arguing with people like that. Unfortunalty their opionions will never change! I just leave them too it and feel smug inside to know that I am the better person for not judging! How do you teach a kid that?
Your LO is gorgeous! (if that's him in your pic!)

 

[saraian26]

If and when you hear it id tell them to pack it up around the baby as you dont want him growing up with prejudices!

They sound bloody awful, Id go mad if I ever heard any of that around the kids. My oh as lovely as he is comes out with the odd 'comment' around our kids and he has soon been told to stfu!! I dont want my kids thinking that shite. Its a very multicultural britain we live in now and we have to adapt cos nothing is going to change.

 

[pinkyprincess]

The worst thing is, they are the nicest most generous people ever! It's just they have those views! :s

 

[isobel84]

Just make sure you teach your child the right think. Just embrace diferent cultures n perhaps on purpose sit next to someone from another country as soon as u can in baby groups n activities. Tell oh that if his family can't respect not talking that shit, they won't see Lo. Simple.

 

[saraian26]

That is bad if they are really lovely, I hope they learn to keep them to thrmselves!

 

[isobel84]

The worst thing is, they are the nicest most generous people ever! It's just they have those views! :s

If u pick n choose who to be lovely n generous to due to colour rather then personality, I don't think they can be genuinely good ppl.

 

[AugustMum]

My LOs great grandmother and in general that side of the family are racist. I don't like some of the comments they said tbh but I rarely see them anyway so its not a problem.

My LOs birthday party was fun because they were there and my sisters fiance is a black guy. When they saw him their faces dropped and I dont think they spoke to him or really looked at him. I never see them but when FOB goes round with LO Im going to ask him to just say to them to refrain from derogitory terms and just avoid saying things that are offensive....to anyone! Children are leaches and will pick up anything and I would want to ground to swallow me whole if I was round my sisters and my LO came out with a racist comment because she heard it from her great gran.

Id say just to let them know when LO is around to always be kind about others, because you could be talking about saying anything rude ie calling someone fat etc, not just saying to them 'well I dont like your opinions so keep them to yourself' kind of thing. They might respond to this better maybe.

 

[positivity :)]

yeah i think you need to make ur feelings clear pinky! xx

 

[pinkyprincess]

It's been hard because recently OH has been doing things that I would put up with before but now were having a baby I'm pulling him up on. (For example not wearing his seatbelt in the car! Kids pick up on things like that and it'll be my problem when I have a toddler refusing to buckle up because of daddy!) He think's that I'm being OTT and constantly nit picking things etc but I'm just worried about the future and he doesnt understand that!! I dont want to cause another arugument about him thinking I think he's not good enough for me! Or that I'm 'better' than him!