EX GF ONCE AGAIN HAS ANNOYED ME!!!!!!!

[JayK2387]

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[CharlieOne]

Oh sweetheart I wish there was more i could than offer you cuddles, keep your chin up and stay strong, surely your OH can take you along anyways - i mean you come along with him now and his EX has to realise this - surely she would be decent enough so that their son gets to see both mum/dad on his birthday and see them happy you know? Unforthally Ex's can be like this - dont go down to her level, keep your chin up and be the better person.......

 

[JayK2387]

Oh sweetheart I wish there was more i could than offer you cuddles, keep your chin up and stay strong, surely your OH can take you along anyways - i mean you come along with him now and his EX has to realise this - surely she would be decent enough so that their son gets to see both mum/dad on his birthday and see them happy you know? Unforthally Ex's can be like this - dont go down to her level, keep your chin up and be the better person.......

Thats the thing tho hun he wont bring me cause SHES said no.... she wears the trousers in this relationship and i honestly dont know how much more i can take

I just cant wait for baby to get here cause i know my family are going to be so involved and when oh has son im just going to make sure me and baby are busy. Sod it im sick of this.

Ive decided im not dragging my baby into this, its not fair on her.

xxx

 

[nina_ballerina]

I agree, be the better person which is so difficult sometimes but the nicer you are to her and her son the more annoyed you will make HER! and no-one will be able to fault you. You will be the wonderful one, and she will be the *bleep*



Could you not explain to OH that the little ones are going to be related and your trying to to best for them?

 

[CharlieOne]

Sweetheart, if he cant be a better man and take you along - then maybe your best not there - but like just said your daughter and his son will be related so surely the adults can (mainly her and him) can find away of being grown up for the children sakes as well has yours.....

You are going to be a brillant mummy and i know your family is going to do everything they can for your little one

 

[Slinky Sarah]

i can relate totally PM me if you like xxx

 

[SoonToBeMrs]

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[SoonToBeMrs]

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[JayK2387]

Thank you soo much soon to be mrs.... That is the best advice i have read.

It makes complete sense.

xxx

 

[Jade&Evie]

I can see this from both sides- although I can see how you feel after putting so much effort in I can honestly say that if Jon had another girlfriend, no matter how serious, I wouldn't invite her into my home and I couldn't see myself inviting her along to birthday parties.

Has she got a new partner? If not, then you have to accept that she will probably be hurting quite a bit that her ex has moved on and is now having a family with someone else. I know I would be.

 

[Anna23]

She has obviously done it on purpose to try and shut you out.. probably jealous that you are having a baby with him now so shes not the only mother to his child..

I know some people might disagree with me here.. but this is what I think you should do.....

Talk to OH.. tell him that the best plan of action is for him to politely decline the offer to go to the party.. BUT!!! before anyone jumps down my throat here.. the reason for this is.. the little boy in the middle of all of this is 3.. he is at a very impressionable age.. and he will KNOW that Mummy and Daddy's girlfriend dont like each other and he will eventually start feeling negative when it comes to parties and times when your OH and his ex are together.

Your OH and his ex need to separate their lives now, which includes separating the lives they both have with the child of theirs. The 3 year old needs to understand that Mummy and Daddy no longer spend time together because they dont live together anymore, but Daddy still loves him very much and any birthdays will be celebrated separately. So on his birthday, he will have a party at his home but the next day, Daddy and his girlfriend will take him out somewhere special.

Children remember less about what they did on their birthdays and more about the atmosphere around them. If this little boy sees that you are being excluded he will expect you to be excluded from everything because he will think that is normal. You and OH need to find a way of including you in everything.. which means having to separate contact between Mummy and Daddy.

That's what i would do anyway.. I understand that alot of people might think the best way is to let your OH go round there for the party and you just have to put up with feeling excluded but I strongly disagree. You are pregnant with his child which means you need to be included.. and by having your OH go round there without you, the poor little guy might get confused. And as time goes on and this continues, it will get worse! It's his birthday.. so.. party at home.. and then Daddys house the next day and Daddy has promised we'll do something really cool like go to an indoor soft play area and then McDonalds or ice-cream afterwards... and then we'll go to the toy shop and pick out a brand new toy!! And guess what? Daddys girlfriend is there with us and it's happy and there is no animosity and then I get to go home with my brand new toy and see Mummy and tell Mummy how great my day was with Daddy!

Sorry for the long post.. but I had this problem when I first got with my OH. The only difference was that I wasnt pregnant.. but I wasnt about to allow her to exclude me.. I was as polite as I could be to the ex, and more mature than her by a mile (even though she is more than 10 years older than me).. and now I get on with my OHs kids really well. The boundaries have been set and the kids are happy and no one feels excluded!

Best of luck hun

xxx

I totaly agree with this however it's rather hypricritical of me to say that as i never wanted my children's ex gf around my children but there is alot of reasons for it, she wasn't the most pleasent of people, i even didn't tell my children's father about my daughters chrisening for fear his gf would come and cause arguments and fights however it was a long time ago and everything is different now, if she could afford to come see the kids with her 2 (they are my 2's half brothers) i'd have no problem with it and vice verser, I would suggest carrying on with how you are now hun your doing so well with this boy, imagine how he'd feel if you stoped seeing him it would confuse him, however i totaly agree with keeping it seperate and you and oh celebrating his son's birthday away from the ex, also how cool would it be for his son to have 2 birthdays every year that's what happened when i was young with my mum and dad (after they divorsed) I loved it

 

[Emma58]

Thats the thing tho hun he wont bring me cause SHES said no.... she wears the trousers in this relationship and i honestly dont know how much more i can take

I would point out to your OH he no longer has to jump to what she says.
He needs to make it clear to her you are part of his sons life too whether she likes it or not, and you are going to be the Mummy of his sister.

I can see both sides of it though. And your OH is stuck in the middle.

PM me if you need to talk x

 

[Mik]

I agree with Soon to be Mrs' advice hun and think it makes alot of sense.

I know you have ongoing issues with the ex and your mil but from the ex's point of view it may be a bit soon and raw to have her ex's pregnant new gf at her house and I can understand why she is not ready to include you. All I would say is give her the benefit of the doubt it may be next year once her little boy has fallen in love with his little sister that things are different and she is more ready and able to accept you and your little one into things like bday parties etc. Also please don't punish your OH's little boy by excluding him from bonding with his sister it isn't his fault and it will do far more harm to him than his mum not inviting you to his bday party imo.

I hope you don't take offense hun I do feel for you and know I am not in the same situation so can't fully understand how hard it is I just wanted to give you a different point of view on the situation. Behind you 100% at the end of the day hun

 

[Anna23]

Has she got a new partner? If not, then you have to accept that she will probably be hurting quite a bit that her ex has moved on and is now having a family with someone else. I know I would be.

but i can say this from experiance is it really fair on her son to be showing her feelings and causing problems? i don't think it'll get anyone anywere and it's not fair on his son it just causes hurt all round believe me i know

 

[JayK2387]

I would understand it all being too soon for her if oh and her broke up say a year ago??

But they broke up whilst she was pregnant because she slept with my oh's best friend. So thats almost 4 years ago.

I am not completely heartless and I know if it was me and my ex i would probably feel funny having his new gf around, but only until I got to know her. Me and my ex never had children and broke up 2 years ago so its all in the past however have remained firm friends.

The thing is if OH and son do something and im not there for example they go to essex to see my ohs dad a lot and i dont tend to go anymore cause the long car journey kills me, she gets the hump and says stuff like "JAYMIE IS MEANT TO BE THERE TOO" and when i was taken to hospital when they thought i was having a preterm labour OH had his son, i told him not to take his son home just yet until we knew for certain what was happening, but OH paniced and ignored me and came to the hospital - She then accused me of being an attention seeking liar... omg she really winds me up

I just cant win

OH and the party is in a hall not her house

xxxx

 

[Misslarue]

I have never been in this situation but there are plenty of ladies on here who have and tbh I have read so many threads on this very forum of ladies who do not want their exes partners involved in their children's lives. I'm not saying I necessary agree but it would seem that its fairly common.

I think separating your lives is in the opposite direction of where you all should be headed. A 3 year old child will not understand the complications of adult relationships. All he will know is that his Dad did not go to his birthday party.

The fact is they do have a child together and that means they will be involved in each other lives, that's parenthood! I look to my parents now and wished they had put their differences aside, its sadly comical watching them both attend Daniels birthday parties after so many years of avoidance.

I know this must be really hard for you especially being pregnant But if this were me I would just step back a little bit and let your OH deal with this for the time being. He too is no doubt in an awkward situation. I am sure once your little girl is born he will feel differently and step up to the mark. He will have 2 children that he will want to have a relationship, they are half brothers/sisters after all. There are many years ahead for you all to come together and make this work. Just keep doing what you are doing, including his son and trying to make things easier for him. As he grows he will see what a great caring lady you are and will form his own opinion.

Good luck hun

 

[Sara H]

OK I will not be popular for saying this but I think you are in the wrong....

It's only a little boys party and does it really matter whether you go or not? It's not about you but rather the little boy having fun with his family!! If the mother prefers you to not be there because she is uncomfortable with the situation then that is her choice to make. It's early days and you and her have plenty of time to build some kind of mutual understanding when the rawness of their split (and 4 years is not that long!) is improved and she has better come to terms with the fact her ex is building a family with someone else.

Since joining this forum all you have done is moan about this woman and what a cow she is!! Maybe you are justified but then we have all only heard one side of the story. Often things are not so black and white. Whether she is as bad as you make out or not, if someone had been constantly criticising me on a public forum, I wouldn't want to be around them or have them at my child's party.

You are heavily pregnant. This makes things awkward for the ex. Cow or not, the underlying resentment vibes you must be giving off will be evident. Your over-reaction (it's the end of the world!!) to not being invited shows that you are obssessed with making a public statement about who now "owns" your OH. Let your OH go and be with his lad and stop pressurizing him.

Just forget the party and start planning something fun for you, your OH and family for when your baby is born. You have so much to be looking forward to!