Err.... AWKWARD!

[HeppiBean]

Ok, so as you know Cescas' Daddy and I separated when she was 2 weeks old (now 16 months). I'm happy with my current partner and so looking forward to our little one arriving. Cesca lives with us and visits her Dad every Sunday.

We've got it all sussed!!

So, the problem! Cesca insists on calling OH Daddy :/ She still calls her Daddy Daddy but calls Nathan it as well. If we say "look, it's Nathan" or "go to Nathan" or anything like that she pulls her grumpy face and says "No Mummy. Daddy!" And runs at him :/.

I'm glad she's taken to him so well bvut don't know what to do here... Nathan's happy to be called Daddy if that's what she wants, and I think it might be the better option anyway with No. 2 so close to arriving and her being so young. I mean, Ben will be calling Nathan Daddy, so she's going to pick it up anyway... Just don't know if it's the right thing to do...

My main concern is if she turns round and calls Nathan Daddy in front of her father as I know he would lose it... Do you think maybe we should talk to FOB about it, or what?!

Bearing in mind FOB is abusive, has a criminal record for assault and battery, ABH and criminal damage... And the ABH was against me... :/ Eurgh! So awkward! HELP?!

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[Jaxx01]

I'm prob gonna go against what other people would say but I personally wouldn't allow it. Fair enough if 'daddy' isn't on the scene, it's totally different but he is. And if I was to turn it round, is be heartbroken if Stanley was to call his dads GF mummy sorry Hun x

 

[HeppiBean]

No need to apologise! I can see where you're coming from, it's why I'm so unsure what to do... But even when we try and stop Cesca calling Nathan Daddy she won't. And I'm worried about Ben hearing her calling Nathan by his name instead of Daddy and him starting to do it. I know that's a way off yet, but I worry...

I was wondering about maybe "Daddy" for Daddy and LDaddy Nathan" for Nathan... Do you think that would be a fair compromise? Or still out of order :/

I just really don't know what to do xx

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[LYLLJellyTots]

Could you say daddy Nathan and daddy *****? As a compromise maybe? Xxx

 

[HeppiBean]

Ah yeah, could do... Would have to speak to FOB about that one... But definitely sounds like a good idea... If he agrees xx

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[tiaflame]

I'd stick to daddy for real daddy and daddy Nathan for your OH, you can't really stop her if that's what she wants to say,she's just a baby. Xx

 

[knopk@]

At this age it would be hard to stop.her if thats what she wants but i agree with Tiaflame. Speak to the FOB, hopefully he will.understand there isnt much you.can do atm.
And if he gets aggressive, stuff him

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[Pudds86]

We've had the same issues with my nephews. My brothers kids. He split from their mom when the boys were 2 and 3- now 8 and 9. She since got married and the boys started calling new guy daddy. It eventually became daddy ***** and my brother by daddy *****. It was a bit weird at first but they're now old enough to understand. I think as long as your always honest with her and she knows where she came from there's no harm. Afterall the person whose going to bring her up will always be her daddy Xx

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[BevG]

if hes on the scene more then naturally he will be daddy, id say as long as she still calls FOB daddy too then its not an issue she knows theyre not the same person but they are both her daddy one way or the other. when shes older you can teach her to use daddy N or whatever so that you know which one shes talking about but atm i dont think it really matters that much. if FOB gets upset then he will have to deal with it as she cant help it and you cant really stop her doing it at that age she wont understand

 

[Hunnie]

Could you say daddy Nathan and daddy *****? As a compromise maybe? Xxx

Im afraid to say that from first hand experience this wont work and its actually just as upsetting for the FOB. OHs LO called his mums other partner daddy ***** but it then progressed to just daddy and it was pretty hurtful to hear it even though LO didnt mean it intentionally.

I think the best thing is you need to constantly reinforce that Nathan is Nathan and daddy is daddy and no different. She might pull a face now but I do really think its best for you to carry it on in order to save future potential heartbreak xx

 

[tinks77]

Maybe you could think of a nick name to give Nathan instead, see if she will happily call him something like natty, poo head etc lol whatever really then its a special name for her to call him that's not daddy but not Nathan either as she's obviously not happy with Nathan


Mummy to Gracie 26/10/11

 

[tiaflame]

She's too young to understand bless her xx


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[tambo1976]

I have to say I would not allow her to call your partner Daddy. I have just alway's believed that if a child has it's real father in it's life then it's not really fair and it's confusing. Different of course when some Dad's are not in there child's life but if they are an active parent then the child should know that he/she only has one Daddy xxx

 

[leesey]

Devil's advocate here... but if your ex was abusive and actually hurt you, fair enough he's given time with the wee one but in my eyes he's burnt his bridges to any rights. Beating your partner does not equal good dad!! This is obviously just my opinion, but if your LO sees Nathan as her daddy then she clearly needs that security of being able to call him that. If your ex doesn't like it, tough, he should never have broken the law and lost the pair of you in the first place.

 

[Me, My Girls & I]

I've got to say I'd be reinforcing that he's not daddy! I've had it with my two, they get confused after trips to fob and will call my OH daddy, they've even done it in front of fob, but we always correct them! I think at this age it'll be more confusing for them to have 2 daddies cos they don't understand it all! As my two get older, it'll be up to them, but personally, I don't think they should call anyone other than fob daddy til they're old enough to understand the situation and can choose for themselves and justify their choices!

Ks getting to the age now that she knows most of her friends live with mummy and daddy and she doesn't and we've had a few questions about it all, but she does say she's lucky cos shes got a mummy, daddy AND a G that is like a daddy! I think you've got to put yourself in fob's shoes, even tho he's been a twunt, as was mine, she's still his daughter and I know I'd be heartbroken if mine started calling someone else mummy!

 

[Iwant3]

I have had a siblings come to me for minding and eldest had a different Dad from the youngest - but they both called the mum's current partner 'Daddy' even though the eldest still goes to her real Dad's every other weekend and for some of the school hols! When we needed clarification of which Daddy she was talking about when she said "daddy did this or that' we would say do you mean 'daddy D***?'

It is a difficult situation - and everyone has their opinions and every family will have different ways of dealing with it and it needs to be decided amongst you and FOB - she is very young and will not understand why Ben will be able to call Nathan Daddy and she can't!

 

[HeppiBean]

she is very young and will not understand why Ben will be able to call Nathan Daddy and she can't!

You've hit the nail on the head right there! That is exactly what I've been worried about! Xx

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[leesey]

I think you need to think about what your daughter finds most comfortable, and not you, your oh or your ex. Children aged 0-3 who have lives that lack consistency and stability have different brain development to those who have constant security and reassurance (something that your oh is able to provide whether your ex likes it or not). The Chief Medical Officer for Scotland, Dr Harry Burns, has done loads of research on this.
Your ex is a criminal. Your OH is not (as far as I know!). Your ex lives away from you, your OH lives with you. I'm sorry, but your OH is the better father figure (regardless of whether she sees her real dad regularly or not) and if she is showing a preference to calling him daddy as opposed to Nathan, I think your ex will have to respect this.
It might get confusing, but have a chat to your wee girl and see if there's something she'd prefer to do. She will probably think of a great idea! Kids at that age are so accepting of all situations, so I imagine she is oblivious to the awkwardness this has caused. GL xx

 

[HeppiBean]

Thank you leesey, that's brilliant advice. Talking to Cesca about the whole thing isn't easy as she's so young, but when we try to get her to call Nathan by his name she gets upset, so I'd say that isn't what she wants to do. When we say Daddy she lights up like a christmas tree and runs to him. She loves him to bits.

I'm guessing from her reactions, that she wants to call him Daddy, whether she fully understands the meaning behind it or not, and Nathan and I are happy for her to do so. I just worry about FOB. I don't really know how to explain it all to him. He's an angry man, which isn't helped by his Aspergers. I know it's no excuse, but it does make things difficult :/ xx

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[Bonfire Bride]

Just my two pence here. My cousin had a little un who went through a stage of calling my husband "daddy"...there were a few raised eyebrows at times but it was harmless. It soon stopped a few months later...is it possible she might be going through a phase as she is still quite young?(P.S, there was no chance at all that hubby was her daddy lol)

I would however have a chat to FOB and let him know about it as she may slip up when she is with her real dad...just let him know that you corrext her each time but it seems she's going through a phase.