Need Some Advice

[HeppiBean]

Heyy girls.

Well, the strain of being a single Mum has finally hit me, and I'm struggling. I could really do with more support from FOB but I'm not getting it.

Fob has been quite ill since January but no-one knew why. He's recently found out that it could be a stomach ulcer and is going for tests in the next couple of weeks to find out for sure.

I asked him today if we could please sort something out for him to have Cesca one day a week, but he got arsy saying that he's too ill to look after her at the moment.

She's his daughter and I don't think my request is unreasonable... But now I don't know what to do...

Any thoughts?

K xx

 

[Iriki]

I'm going to be really harsh here, I've followed your story from the beginning and really feel for you and everything that your ex has put you and your little girl through.... It just beggars belief that anyone could treat the woman that they supposedly love and their newborn baby that way. I've read your more recent posts, and you've sounded like a totally different person, happy, confident, in love with your little girl, all the things a mother should be
Then you started seeing your ex again and talking about giving things another go and surprise surprise here you are again, upset, being let down by him and letting him push you and your daughter to the back of the queue when it comes to things he needs to take responsibility for. I get that's he' might be sick, but it's a bloody ulcer not terminal cancer....hundreds and thousands of people live with and function with ulcers perfectly normally and his hasn't even been confirmed yet.
Any normal man would have jumped at the opportunity to spend time with their child if it was offerered to them in his situation not come up with some pitiful excuse. What would happen if you got sick?? Would that mean that you wouldn't have to still be a parent to your daughter or more to the point, would that mean that you would not WANT to be a parent to her or would expect not to have to be??? I don't think so.
This is the harsh bit, and It's only based on what you have told us on PF and my own personal opinion based on that information. I think he's a loser. I don't think he will ever put you and your little girl first. I think you're better off without him and can't see what he provides you with in this relationship? Where's the stability? Where's the support? Where's the consistency? He won't even commit to having his daughter one day a week for crying out loud, without playing the "poor me" card and getting stroppy.
Again, it's just my opinion, but all I have to go on is what you've told us about him. I understand that he's your daughters father and that you want him to play a role in her life but he doesn't seem to be capable or interested in doing that. If it was me (and again, this is just my opinion) I'd walk away, put formal access and financial support systems in place and leave it at that. You want the best for your daughter.... Is he the best???

Well done if you managed to read to the end of this, I've gone to reply to your posts so many times but the other girls always seem to say everything I want to so much better than I can . Anyway, you're a strong woman and a great mother and are well capable of making your own decisions.... I've just given you my opinion, but it's your life and only you can make the decisions that need to be made xxx

 

[knopk@]

Well said Iriki, it does sound like ex is the one dragging Heppi down and he is so not worth it.

 

[HeppiBean]

Thank you Iriki for being honest. You've pretty much summed up what I was thinking there. When you're a parent it doesnt matter if your ill you still got to look after your children. But when I tried saying this to him he just said that I was selfish. That I walked away from him so now I have to deal with her on my own...

I think his 3 month "see how it goes" is over in just a matter of weeks. A shame, but tbh I don't want someone that un reliable around Cesca. A good friend of mine looks after her more than he does. He wants the nice coochy coochy coo playing with her side of things, but doesn't want to actually put any effort in. GAHHH!! He pissed me off with this. I honestly thought he was going to step up to the mark xx

 

[Iriki]

Hi honey, I hope I didn't come across overly harsh, and none of it is aimed at you, it's just men like that really make my blood boil!
You are an intelligent woman with a good head on your shoulders and I think you know what you want out of life and love. Francesca can have her father in her life without you having to live your life on his terms. You deserve far far more than that x

 

[HeppiBean]

No you didn't come across harsh hun. I agree with everything you said. It's a shame that her own father is being like this, she deserves better than him. xx

 

[NinjaKitty]

No you didn't come across harsh hun. I agree with everything you said. It's a shame that her own father is being like this, she deserves better than him. xx

I'm glad you feel this way because your post since you've been on your own are amazing and so happy and loving.

All you can do with FOB is give him opportunity to step up and be responsible for his daughter. You have more than done this. I agree with the suggestion that you should get proper access and financial support set up. He has no excuses then if he doesn't live up to his obligations (despite what he tries to tell you).

I have read your posts from before Cesca arrived and I know that this situation is not of your making. All I can see is that you have done the best for your daughter. You seem to have everything together and a great support system with family and friends. I really admire your strength and attitude. You are doing a fantastic job and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

 

[HeppiBean]

Thanks Kitty... That brought a tear to my eye :') xx