end of the road for me

[floppit]

Perhaps a counsellor could help you negotiate around the first - it's surprising what doors another professional can open while the rest of us hit brick walls!!

They might be able to help with the second part to - again, it's amazing how contacts on your side can get doors open. Either way if changing docs right now is a struggle then perhaps start with getting some PROPER counselling aimed at fertility and pregnancy issues so that you don't get a repeat of some of the inane remarks you've had so far.

 

[breezee1984]

i wish i could! nobody seems to be able to help me and im so exasperated by it its ridiculous

 

[floppit]

Did you see the link I found on the previous page - they're all counsellors around fertility and some specialise in miscarriage and they're in Oregon.

Many counsellors won't view their role as 'helping' because there's so much that all of us have to figure out ourselves but having someone there that knows about what you're going through and knows how to keep encouraging you to keep on trucking can be worth it's weight in gold.

You don't have to use a counselling route, maybe a self development/confidence/assertiveness course would help? Something to help you communicate in ways that make it easier to move forward.

Hey - you don't have to take any of this in right now, maybe just put it somehow in the back of your mind and see if it seems viable in a month or two.

 

[breezee1984]

thanks so much hun..im just so sad still, and having nightmares every night, it all seems impossible

 

[breezee1984]

thanks so much hun..im just so sad still, and having nightmares every night, it all seems impossible

 

[breezee1984]

thanks so much hun..im just so sad still, and having nightmares every night, it all seems impossible

 

[floppit]

hey - you know there's not going to be a fast route out of that, not for a while yet but if even while your sad you can take little steps then you'll get there. It doesn't matter how small the step it'll be a start and an acheivment - even the tiniest step is better than to just stay how you feel right now because it sounds so painful.

What's the smallest step you could imagine? Perhaps to cut and paste some numbers where they will be safe for later? Maybe to promise to remind yourself this wasn't your fault at least once a day? Maybe just to challenge once or twice something negative you say about yourself? Or perhaps to say out loud that you love your hubby and are lucky to be loved?

It really doesn't matter how small - what matters is to take some little step forward.

 

[breezee1984]

every time i tell my hubby i love him he starts crying and says "i dont deserve it . the one thing you loved more than anything has been taken away from you twice, and im not the one to be loved so much" which breaks my heart.

 

[floppit]

Listen - It's the person who LOVES that decides worth, my love for my husband is my decision. You tell him that. Just as it is HIS decision that YOU are worth loving. That's how it works. I can decide to love myself but only someone else can decide loving me is worth it for them.

Of course that means you have to accept his love too.

Would you make that your first step? To accept HE can decide you are worth loving? (you can too BTW...)

People's worth is NOT determined by their luck, people who don't deserve to get ill do, people that don't deserve pain feel it, some children are born into suffering and they haven't deserved it. There are some wealthy, healthy complete sh!ts out there too. Life isn't fair and it's easier to know that than to keep trying to figure out why awful stuff happens.

 

[breezee1984]

i dont knoe. i think we are both highly angry that we don't have our own family to love, only each other. every time this bullshit happens it gets harder and harder to even step foot outside. i havent left my house in almost 2 weeks other then for my d&c