EMOTIONAL and in tears :'(

[Baby&i]

I just got off the phone to my best friend Jess and shes just told me shes not moving, she was going to another province hours and hours away and were so close she means so much to me and i couldnt be without her as my best friend im so glad shes told me shes staying it realy made me cheer up a little .
i had a alright day, we carved pumpkins with DD at OH parents house with his sister and had a big laugh and lots of food ect i didnt have a bad day but i found out last week that my OH has started smoking again after a year of quitting before we got married and im so devistated i cried . its sooo irrisponsible and such a stupid thing to do and the wrong time- hes just a big idiot and i want to kill him for it. i never know what hes getting upto because he spends his life at the bar and with his friends or at work and im just spinning in circles how to get him to quit again as i dont even want to talk to him im so angry. i found out because he called from work to say he forgot his insulin (hes diabetic) and wondered if i knew where it was and i didnt so i went on a search for it so id have it to give to him as he pulled in the driveway- and i found a pocket of ciggies! i tore them up and threw them at him in front of the neighbours as he pulled in, i was so fuming. i found a pack in his pocket lastnight too and flushed them down the toilet. i also found porn on his laptop that really hurt me so bad it was hidden in a folder and i dont even want to go into it but i feel so betrayed and like a real peice of crap like im some peice of meat to him iukwim?! its hard to describe im just really fustrated and upset. we had money issues at the begining of the month becuse he was being stupid with money and wasting it on things that should be at the bottom of the to-do list. iv bought pretty much everything for the baby out of my savings when he has all the income in his bank account i feel like he spends the money at the bar and lies to me now hes spending it on fags and booze and im 30 weeks pregnant and so emotional. we got into it the other day and he gave me a good belt and hurt my jaw not that i didnt diserve it or anything but its so not like him! i dont know whats happened to my hubby its like hes a different person. im so tired and tearfull and i just want to go to bed but i wont sleep and my head hurts i dont even know why. Jess is the only one who understands me and all my other gfs just say oh well whats the big deal with the smoking ect and it just upsets me more .. his friends p*** me off they are in thir 30s and act like 16yr olds its pathetic. i just wish he would help me with the dishes even abit of housework a bit of attention (not taking about sex) and to want to stay in and love me and aknowledge im even pregnant!! hes gone out fishing with my friends hubby tonight and hes kissing my arse and knows im upset but im just hurting so much emotionally right now i want to cry at everything. i really would love to just hold my mum really tight and give her a big kiss but i dont even know the next time i will even see her as she cant afford to come untill atleast late Jan that just kills me i dont even what to think about it. i miss my family so much please someone just cheer me up a little.. sorry for the rant

 

[charlotte_]

some men feel the need to have there 'one last...' time before babies are born, one last fag, one last beer or whatever. get it all out of their system before they have to step up & take on more responsibility. i know my best friends OH was doing all sorts of silly things before her son was born, staying out all hours, not coming home, doing drugs. but now he's completely settled.
however, hitting you is a different fucking thing, and no-one deserves that, don't ever say you do! i think you need to talk to him about that.

 

[LaineyG]

He hit you?!?!?

Hunny, that needs to be dealt with.....ASAP!

Has he hit you before? Nobody ever deserves to have violence used against them.

I'm not going to get on my high horse and say you must leave him now. But you do have to seriously consider your options. I know of couples where violence has occurred and they have worked through it and it's never happened again.

You have to think of your two little girls, do you want them growing up in that kind of environment? Do you want them thinking that that kind of behaviour is acceptable? It's not unknown for children to follow in their parents footsteps and end up in similar relationships, how would you feel then luv?

You need to sit down with DH and talk to him about this. He, or maybe both of you, need to consider couselling to help you communicate better and solve arguments without it getting too far.

 

[rach]

hun forget the fags and the booze has he hit you before??? it doesnt matter how much you think you deserved it you didnt nobody deserves to be hit if this is an ongoing thing you need to get help and get out xxxxxxxxx

 

[karenandbump]

Totally agree with the girls....hitting you is a big no and not something you should be thinking you deserved....

 

[Bexie]

Honey,

I'm sorry you are having such a crap time. I would be just as upset as you if I found out my OH had been smoking. The big issue I feel here isn't his smoking, it's him hitting you, that is just totally unacceptable behaviour. This needs to be addesssed as soon as possible. It worries me as when you hear of domestic violence, it often esculates, that's why you should both try to address this problem now, to try and prevent it getting any worse. I really feel for you hun, can you talk to your friend Jess about this? I hope so. You shouldn't keep something like this bottled up, that's what friends are for, there to support you. I would reccommend that you both seek professional advice too. However heated your argument with him was, violence is unacceptable. I hope everything gets easier for you. Big hugs xxx

 

[ninjawomble]

Hun Im sorry but what kind of man hits a pregnant woman?
Thats completley unacceptable in my book. He sounds selfish and I think its time you had a serious think about where your relationship is going....do you really want your daughters around this type of behaviour.
He also sounds very self destructive (smoking and drinking with diabetes is a huge no no, as Im sure you know) and another sign of how selfish he is.
Im sorry to sit here and bad mouth your husband not knowing his side to the story, but Ive been in a similar situation so can act very biased.
We just worry about you hun

 

[halemon]

Oh you poor thing, blimmen men, right bum holes sometimes. Its hard to tell you what to you because what do we all know but i think you need to sit down with him and have all this out completely, even if you cry and get mad again, he needs to know how all of this has made you feel. you need to ask him why he felt the need to smoke behind your back and didnt he realise you'd find out eventually.

We all go through tough times with OHs, i can remember when we fiorst moved in to this house, we nearly split and argued a lot and he seemed to be someone i didnt know, said the most awful things to one another, makes me shiver just to think about it,its scary. however, things can recover and get back to normal, just takes a bit of time and plenty of talking and honesty. you've also got every right to say dont you ever hit me again, whatever i do, i wont put up with that.

Let us know if things improve and be nice to yourself, it seems crappy now but i think it will improve for you. good luck and remember you're not alone at all when ou're on here!

Hayley xxx

 

[Baby&i]

aw! thankyou all so much girls! no hes not usually like this at all hes the most loving sweetest guy i look at him and makes me feel so happy inside but just having to see him ike that broke my heart. i never knew he could be such an asshole. i think its a mixture of feelings i mean he would never uspet me infront of DD or anything and i just want him to sort himself out ! i dont think we need profes help or aything like that we are a strong couple and its just one of those hard times i dont know if its bacause hes scared or something? i feel a little better today i had very little sleep and my eyes are very sore i think its all my hormones overwhelming me please forgive me

 

[Jenny123]

Bloody Hell... you shouldn't be asking for forgiveness, he should be begging you to forgive him. Don't ever ever accept him hitting you and don't you dare even think its your fault

I got out of a violent relationship 5 years ago and the whole time I was in it I was made to think everything was my fault.

What he is doing to you is selfish, especially with your family so far away. Have it out with him, find out what his problem is and put yourself and your baby 1st.

 

[kelsey]

I dont care how nice he can be usually is etc etc. The fact is YOU'RE PREGNANT AND HE HIT YOU. There is NO excuse for it. There's also your daughter to think about too.

You need to make sure that you're all safe and not with a violent person.

 

[ninjawomble]

Dont make excuses for him hun

 

[lea m]

He hit you Jess?? Oh hunnie thats no good! Nothing you can have said or done deserves to be hit! Im going to PM you hun!

 

[Baby&i]

Thanks girls i feel bad for totaly bitching about him now everythings blown over and hes really trying to make things right i dont think he really meant to do it and he really shocked and angry at himself for being such a asshole and making me feel like that .. honsetly he is a sweetheart i just see him under so much stress. i think hes scared about the baby being born .. is that normal?

 

[Bexie]

I think it's normal to be scared, but not to hit your partner, I still think his behaviour is totally unacceptable and you were in no way to blame, no matter how heated an argument gets you don't use violence. Perhaps he should seek some help on his own as it worries me that he may just get worse. No one desearves to be hit. You and your daughters desearve a lot more.

 

[emmie]

Oh my god i cant believe he hit you what a w****r, weather he ment it or not he still did it. its bad enough hitting a woman but to hit a pregnant woman thats disgusting, the first hint of anything like that happening again you need to get out. I know its easy to say as you really love him but you have to put your children and yourself first.

 

[millie15]

You never deserve to be hit. Please please know that, hon!
I'm glad things are seeming a bit better now. It is harder when you're pregnant to be 'tolerant' of the smoking (it would drive me nuts!), for example. But you should NEVER be tolerant of violence.
Please seek help if it happens again. You owe it to your daughters, honey.
Hope things keep looking up for you

 

[klee1988]

Hope you are feeling better today hun
I also just want to add thats its never ok for him to hit you!!!And for him to leave you pregnant, alone, on thanksgiving over there, thats awful!! I thought thanksgiving was a big family deal?
I hope he wises up soon!

Take care of yourself hun