Early 20s, TTC more than a year. Am I alone?

[Katie92]

Hello everybody, so every time AF looms I have a sick feeling in my stomach. I feel as a 24 year old I should be highly fertile and be able to get a BFP straight away, but it has been 16 months coming off the pill and I'm petrified and distraught it will never happen. I know we haven't been trying properly throughout that time, (since October I have been charting when I ovulate), and I know there is other couples far worse off than my situation and I feel for them but it's getting me down. SO is getting his sperm checked soon & I have had day 21 blood test checked, & so far I am ovulating. We've also recently started using conceive plus and eating slightly healthier. We are both in ok shape! My dads sister (aunt) had rounds and rounds of ivf and I'm scared I will end up having to have that, as I have heard fertility issues run in the family. I'm sorry for moaning, but I'm getting upset now! My gp just says we can't do anything until 2 years!

Baby dust to everyone
Katie
xxx

 

[Mar_15]

Hi Katie!

You're not alone. We've been TTC for over 3 years and I am 29. I've seen a lot of ladies TTC for a long time who are much younger than me. The truth is fertility problems can happen to anyone.

I think the media focus on this idea of career-driven women waiting until too late to conceive is just another way of blaming women and making us feel like it is all our fault if we cannot get pregnant. That kind of narrative gets into your head though. It's the same with the whole "relax and it will happen" shit.

For me it has got easier to deal with as time goes by, and I think the benefit you have with being young is that even if this takes you 5 years, those are 5 years you do have. I know that probably doesn't make things easier to deal with now though.

It sounds in your post like you are blaming yourself for what is happening (or maybe I am just projecting my own experience onto you - if so, sorry!). For me, the thing that helped me the most was just gradually learning not to beat myself up all the time. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks... if they think you are too young to worry about this or you are too stressed or you don't want it enough (yes, "helpful" people have told me this).

It is totally normal to desperately want children.
It is normal to be upset and scared when it doesn't happen.
It's not your fault if you aren't getting pregnant

I'm sure you will have children someday, and hopefully you won't be stuck in this forum for long. In the meantime, know that you aren't alone and things will get better. x

 

[Katie92]

Hello mar-15,
Thankyou for the reply. I know that is exactly how I see it has. I am lucky that I have started trying younger and that I have those years ahead of me to try. I also have the whole "oh you are too young to be worried" and "live your life first" and these have no idea or have children and have been fortunate to get pregnant right away.
I totally understand why you feel like that now. It's a case of being use to AF coming and you just get on with it. Not to pry but have you had tests done? If so what are you currently doing to try and conceive? I am currently going through the process of getting the basic tests done.
I really hope you do become successful soon! I believe everything is meant to happen at the right time and that things happen for a reason.
Baby dust to you
Katie xxx

 

[phonixgirl]

You are not alone!

I'm 32 now but we did must have stopped using contraception when I was about 24 or 25 and nothing has happened. I've since found that I've got polycystic ovaries and I think my hormones are really messed up.

I found it really difficult to get help despite my periods being completely messed up. I got told to wait longer, I was young and not to worry, the bleeding was just another period, the bleeding could be breakthrough bleeding etc etc... It took me to express that my bleeding could be cancer for me to be taken seriously and even then I was just referred to a gynaecologist, they checked it wasn't and discharged. Back I went and demanded a referral to the fertility clinic. This was a good few years ago now.

How are your periods? Are they particularly heavy/light, regular, painful? Do you have any spotting?

I also believe everything happens for a reason and if we are meant to live a lifestyle of luxury with expensive foreign holidays then so be it. Good luck xx

 

[Katie92]

Hello Phonixgirl,
Funny you should mention that - as I am also in the process of having my first smear in a few weeks. I had bleeding after sex (only one episode but still enough to be afraid) I immediately went to the docs and got it checked out straight away, they did all the std tests they have to do. I had bv - (recurrent) due to washing with fragranced soaps - I know it's a bad habit! They also discovered I had an erosion and that was more than likely the reason I bled. Although at the back of my mind I thought I had something far more sinister. I had a colposcopy as I was 23 and didn't qualify for a smear, they didn't find anything concerning thank god but my gynae wants me to have an early smear just to put my mind at ease and because I have been under investigations! I think it's absolutely ridiculous that girls are not allowed a smear until they are 25 but that's a different story!!!!!
My periods are fine, they start off light spotting for a few days hardly anything there brown in colour. Then full blown then dark brown towards the end. Sorry for tmi! My gp says that's all fine. I have regular periods too, they aren't by the book with a few days give and take . I've had my 21 day progesterone checked - fine! I've also had an ultrasound and what they did say was my lining was thin, but at that time I was on the pill! My periods haven't got heavier though considering so I'm wondering whether it's even got any thicker!

I really wish you well and hope you become successful soon!
It's so stressful but I think your body knows when the times right
Thankyou for the comment
Katie
X

 

[MoominGirl]

No, you're not alone.

We've been 'officially' trying for 7 months but ditched the contraception long before that. I guess I just believed it would happen on its own. Sadly no such luck. Although it's perfectly normal to feel low when it seems to come so easily to the rest of the world, I feel I've started to accept that it's ok to feel like this and I'm definitely dealing with things better.

OH gets sperm results tomorrow. Fingers crossed!! Also going for d21 progesterone on Thursday. As I've done OPKs this month, it actually looks like d21 will be 7dpo so should get an accurate result I hope. Still waiting for the ultrasound. Called the GP to chase to be told they haven't actually referred me after saying they would!!

Hopefully it helps to know you're actually doing something about it. It certainly has helped for me. Good luck with your journey.

 

[Mar_15]

Hey Katie,

We're not really sure to be honest. I have polycystic ovaries but I've been told it shouldn't stop me from conceiving, and OH had really bad sperm motility in one test and totally normal in another. In the end it's all guesswork.

All the doctors I've spoken to have told me that this just happens, and for at least 30% of couples they just can't find a reason. I guess both of us are not very fertile. We're hoping to do IUI soon but it's been delayed because they're worried about medication I take for my epilepsy.

In the meantime, our sex life has gone full circle from the crazy early days, through being a total baby-making chore, to becoming amazing through necessary practice. That's probably something that my friends with toddlers can't say so I can be grateful for that

 

[andy2016]

Definitely not alone we are 26 & 27. At the same stage as you having had the 21 day bloods taken recently although no results yet to see if clomid resulted in ovulation.

As already said fertility issues can happen at any ages, hopefully the clomid works and as far as I can tell if it does like it has for you it has a good chance of resulting in pregnancy :

I'm really worried about it coming to ivf too

 

[MrsS15]

Definitely not alone. My hubby and I will be 34 and 29 this year and have been trying almost 2 years. I ovulate and have regular cycles, hubbys sperm test is way above average, it's just not happening for us. We're starting IVF next month! I struggled to get my head around it all but if this is what we need to do to get our baby then this is what we do. You're doing the right thing getting the ball rolling with testing. If you do end up needing help at the 2 year mark having these tests done already helps speed up the process on the fertility help side of things. Try not to worry too much, you're doing everything you can to have a baby and sometimes life is just shit and shit things happen. We're all here for support xx

 

[andy2016]

It's the uncertainty that gets me, not knowing if/when it will happen.. I'm up and down with it all some days I'm positive about it and others I feel like giving up on it all.

The Mrs can't talk about it much without getting upset or thinking I'm blaming her.

 

[Katie92]

Thankyou all for messaging, it's nice knowing there is support out there! It's such a horrible feeling not knowing whether or not it will happen to you. I was speaking to one of my friends the other day about it as you get the usual 'so what's happening then, any babies?' & she said she knows two couples who were trying for a long time and then decided not to think about it and got caught. That may come easy for some people but not for others, it's constantly on the back of my mind.
My SO is getting sperm checked so we will take it from there, all my blood results are ok!
I am a strong believer in what is meant to happen will happen and at the right time.
Baby dust to all
Katie
Xxx