xMillie
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Dec 5, 2014
- Messages
- 3,165
- Reaction score
- 192
I didn't really want to post this on my TTC journal as I'm not sure I want it staring me in the face on my next entry but I just wanted to write somewhere. So feel free to click off my post xx
March 16th would have been my due date.
We tried for 4 years and 4 months to conceive our miracle. All our fertility tests came back as normal and even two IVF rounds couldn't bring us closer to the baby we've longed for...
The second IVF round left us one frozen embryo, which we were all geared up ready to start treatment in July last year. The month before the transfer was planned my cycle just kept going on and on with no sign of AF.. which I just wanted to start so I could start my Estrogen pills ready for the frozen transfer!
On July 12th on CD34 I cracked and finally took a test just because I wanted to rule it out.. fully expecting a BFN.. and there for the first time in my life were two lines! I didn't believe it! Immediately went on to google, wondered if tescos blue dye tests were awful for evaps.. Hubby didn't believe it either. We both were shaking and crying. He had to go to work though so promised to bring back a range of tests so we could confirm it.. but in my drawer I happened to have a clear blue digi that I thought I'd never get to use!
I honestly didn't think the test would come up with pregnant 1-2 weeks!! That was enough to confirm it for me, but didn't stop me taking more tests the second hubby was home!
Being pregnant was the most amazing feeling. Sure it was only early days.. but I had noticed so many things! My hair (which is normally super coarse) felt amazing, I had more of an appetite for foods that were good for me (things I wouldn't normally eat because I hate the taste normally!) and I was seeing and enjoying more of my days, was awake at 6am each day (I did need to take a nap!) but felt like I got way more done in the day and just felt so happy!!
I had my first Midwife appointment at 5w5ds.. filled in some forms got both excited and nervous. Lots of new information and never thought we'd actually get to this point!
July 20th the excitement started to fade a little bit as I woke up to pink spotting. It wasn't much but threw me into panic as I thought it could be all over.. the GP called me in and tested for a urine infection. Which it was! They also booked me in for an early scan in a weeks time to check everything. The spotting then stopped for a few days. But came back along with thrush (thanks to antibiotics!).
I tested with a Digi again when spotting stopped and got 2-3 weeks. Thought it was time to be excited again, wrong! Now we will never know for sure if it caused the miscarriage or if it would have always worked out this way but me and hubby were driving home and on the roundabout some idiot just drove in front of us (from the middle lane) because he almost missed his turning. Ruined our car!! It got wrote off. We were both shaken up. Hubby got us home and made me lay down!
Then the spotting came back again! I pestered the doctors again about the scan and the got me booked in for a couple of days later. Too late though.. the spotting turned to red bleeding. With cramps. Then I was passing clots/tissue. This continued all until my scan, the morning of the scan I remember it well.. I had to take a urine sample with me so went to the loo before we left. What I passed upset me so much!! The scan showed nothing at all, was quizzed about whether I was sure about my dates or not! It was no surprise there was nothing there after passing so much already!!
Their pregnancy test was still positive so I had to have bloods and go back for repeat bloods. All I wanted to do was go home and cry. I've never been to an EPAU before but I'm sure ours is one of the worst. It was unorganised and the whole thing was a mess! Had to go back on a Saturday for repeat bloods but no one told me it was closed.. no one offered any sort of kind words, no leaflets, no posters.. It was awful. It took a while for tests to go back to completely negative but the second they did we were back to trying again.
Over 7 months have passed since we lost our Miracle. It still hurts.
It hurts even more to not be pregnant again before our due date.
Every time I think I'm okay and tell myself we don't need a baby to complete our family.. I'm wrong.
Over 5 years of ttc now. We're passed the point of this could still happen and keep trying..
March 16th would have been my due date.
We tried for 4 years and 4 months to conceive our miracle. All our fertility tests came back as normal and even two IVF rounds couldn't bring us closer to the baby we've longed for...
The second IVF round left us one frozen embryo, which we were all geared up ready to start treatment in July last year. The month before the transfer was planned my cycle just kept going on and on with no sign of AF.. which I just wanted to start so I could start my Estrogen pills ready for the frozen transfer!
On July 12th on CD34 I cracked and finally took a test just because I wanted to rule it out.. fully expecting a BFN.. and there for the first time in my life were two lines! I didn't believe it! Immediately went on to google, wondered if tescos blue dye tests were awful for evaps.. Hubby didn't believe it either. We both were shaking and crying. He had to go to work though so promised to bring back a range of tests so we could confirm it.. but in my drawer I happened to have a clear blue digi that I thought I'd never get to use!
I honestly didn't think the test would come up with pregnant 1-2 weeks!! That was enough to confirm it for me, but didn't stop me taking more tests the second hubby was home!
Being pregnant was the most amazing feeling. Sure it was only early days.. but I had noticed so many things! My hair (which is normally super coarse) felt amazing, I had more of an appetite for foods that were good for me (things I wouldn't normally eat because I hate the taste normally!) and I was seeing and enjoying more of my days, was awake at 6am each day (I did need to take a nap!) but felt like I got way more done in the day and just felt so happy!!
I had my first Midwife appointment at 5w5ds.. filled in some forms got both excited and nervous. Lots of new information and never thought we'd actually get to this point!
July 20th the excitement started to fade a little bit as I woke up to pink spotting. It wasn't much but threw me into panic as I thought it could be all over.. the GP called me in and tested for a urine infection. Which it was! They also booked me in for an early scan in a weeks time to check everything. The spotting then stopped for a few days. But came back along with thrush (thanks to antibiotics!).
I tested with a Digi again when spotting stopped and got 2-3 weeks. Thought it was time to be excited again, wrong! Now we will never know for sure if it caused the miscarriage or if it would have always worked out this way but me and hubby were driving home and on the roundabout some idiot just drove in front of us (from the middle lane) because he almost missed his turning. Ruined our car!! It got wrote off. We were both shaken up. Hubby got us home and made me lay down!
Then the spotting came back again! I pestered the doctors again about the scan and the got me booked in for a couple of days later. Too late though.. the spotting turned to red bleeding. With cramps. Then I was passing clots/tissue. This continued all until my scan, the morning of the scan I remember it well.. I had to take a urine sample with me so went to the loo before we left. What I passed upset me so much!! The scan showed nothing at all, was quizzed about whether I was sure about my dates or not! It was no surprise there was nothing there after passing so much already!!
Their pregnancy test was still positive so I had to have bloods and go back for repeat bloods. All I wanted to do was go home and cry. I've never been to an EPAU before but I'm sure ours is one of the worst. It was unorganised and the whole thing was a mess! Had to go back on a Saturday for repeat bloods but no one told me it was closed.. no one offered any sort of kind words, no leaflets, no posters.. It was awful. It took a while for tests to go back to completely negative but the second they did we were back to trying again.
Over 7 months have passed since we lost our Miracle. It still hurts.
It hurts even more to not be pregnant again before our due date.
Every time I think I'm okay and tell myself we don't need a baby to complete our family.. I'm wrong.
Over 5 years of ttc now. We're passed the point of this could still happen and keep trying..
due dates are the hardest, mine is 15.03 and it always stings
its so difficult, and although many of us have been there, no words are the right words.
