Due back at work...

[candymycandy]

So I've been off work (a job that I don't like!) since 20th Jan when I had a MC at 5wks or so.

I'm due back next Thursday but as of right now, the thought of sitting there pretending all is ok (only a handful know) is filling me with dread. I have a feeling I will just sit and cry all day. My problem is I know the longer I'm off the harder it will be to go back. Also the friends there that do know haven't really contacted me other than a couple of texts. This hurts me a bit too, as the least I'd do is send a card or flowers. But that's another story!

I thought I was starting to level off emotionally a bit this week but then today I've been really down and tearful, but next week I might be better.

I'd just like to ask other peoples experiences on returning to work and how long you had off etc. I realise that everyone is different and people deal with this in different ways/times but I'm just interested to know. A friend of mine has just said that I should take as long as I need to and f**k everyone else which I'm trying to force myself to believe (I'm not known for putting myself first and not Caring what others think!).

Thanks everyone, any advice much appreciated! Xx

 

[scn]

Firstly, so sorry for your loss xx
I've had 4 losses, the first at 5 weeks, I was on annual leave for a week after it happened and then I went back, second loss at just under 14 weeks and I was off sick for 10 weeks, it was so hard to go back but knew it wouldn't get easier and going back was the right thing to do and I wish I had went back sooner, the third I lost at 9 weeks and was off for 2 weeks, then the fourth one I lost at 5 weeks again and didn't take any time off.
Everyone and every loss is different sweetheart, you have to do what is right for you, but I think you're right in saying, the longer you're off the harder it is, especially when you're going back to a job you dislike. If you've got any annual leave hours you could maybe ask your manager if you could work some half days at first to see how you'll cope?

 

[megsmeadow]

I was off work for 6 weeks after I lost my little girl at 20 weeks. That said I have the most supportive manager and my colleagues are close friends too.
I had a phased return too and just felt that going back would help in my recovery. Do take the time now, even think about counselling or how you might handle that return and any questions you might get about why you've been off. Practice it out loud as it was the hardest thing for me saying out loud why I'd been off.
Even try asking to meet with your manager at work to see if you are ready, I went in once and it helped me gauge how I'd cope. Good luck, and take care of yourself first, think of others including work second. x

 

[lisey]

I am so sorry you're going through this, with my first miscarriage I had a week and a half. Second miscarriage I didn't have any time off as it was in the easter holidays so I was off work already and third one I had 3 days off for the erpc and then it was the weekend and back after that. I could have done with more time off really but my work are not overly supportive and plus they didn't know why I was off for the third one. I think you have to do what's right for you but it can be true that its harder the longer you leave it, sometimes getting back into a routine and filling your day with some normality can help to take your mind off things, even for a little while. The suggestion of maybe doing some half days could be a good idea? ease yourself back into it. Take care xx

 

[Elliott]

Sorry for your loss. I had a mmv back at the start of nov, I actually tried to go into work the day afyer finding out there was no longer a heartbeat (I was 10wks) I lasted 5mins before crying at my boss. That was a friday and I had erpc on the tuesday so I stayed off and went back on the friday of that wk just for a short day to kind of get the awkward going back bit done so I wouldn't dread and worry about the monday. Its tough, only you know what's right for you, I found shorter days a big help and just left a little early for my first week back so if there's any option of that it might help a little. Xxx

 

[lisa1985]

I had first mc in october last year, I had 1 week signed off for threatened miscarriage, sadly lost baby at 10 weeks, then signed off by hospital for another 2 weeks after erpc. My doctor then signed me off for another 3 weeks. I handed my notice in during this time and never went back, luckily I found a job within the same company, with a team I already knew, I decided not to tell them what had happened and went back to a fresh start. My first week I worked 2 days so I could settle in. It was difficult and some days I wanted to cry or stay at home but I knew I had to get on with it. Be strong, I still have bad days now but I know it is better for me to be at work than sat at home thinking about it. xxx

 

[candymycandy]

Thanks for all your advice ladies. I think I'll have to see how I feel next week and perhaps ask for a few short days as some of you suggest. Xx

 

[nicejuicypear]

The half days is a good idea, but don't use any annual leave or anything like that, if you don't want to. You can get it as part of your sick leave. If you're currently signed off sick, go to your GP and say you feel a phased return would be best. They can give you a sick note that specifies that you need x amount of days at half days before returning full.

It would be a shame to waste annual leave/time in lieu if you could do this instead.

It is hard going back to work, after my first miscarriage I thought I was ready after 3.5 weeks and I went back, only to break down after a week and have to take more time off. After the second one, I found work easier to handle, so I think it just depends what frame of mind you are in and sometimes you can't even predict that until you get there, which is why a phased return would be a good idea.

Hope it goes well for you.