Dreading the Gender comments

[princessp]

I'm pregnant (4 weeks) with my 3rd baby. I have 2lovely boys and I'm dreading the 'are u having another to try for a girl' or 'I get you'll be disappointed if its another boy.'
Whilst I would love a little girl in some respects, I would also love to have another little boy and I think it'll be pretty cool to have 3boys close in age. Either way I want another baby and am not that bothered about the sex.

I just can't cope with other people somehow implying that another boy would be a disappointment or not as good as having different genders. I had so many comments when I was having my second with someone even telling me after he was born that it was a shame he was a boy.
I've had so many people say oh I bet you would love to have a girl. I'm Dreading telling people I'm pregnant cos I know the comments are coming. I find it shocking how people can be so rude.

 

[Aurora_J]

I have 2 boys and would love this baby to be a boy but have loads of 'girl' comments from people. I know they mean well but it's really annoying. Am I ment to be disappointed if baby is a boy? I'm definitely not hoping for a girl nor did we try for one. I just want a healthy baby if it's boy or girl I will love it just the same

 

[Donna88]

I know how you feel; I'm having my second and they think she's a girl (my first was a boy) before I found out people were saying "I bet you want a girl" and after I had loads of comments such as "oh how lovely, I bet you're over the moon"

Yes I'm happy to be having a girl but I would have been equally happy to have a boy. I found out partly because I find it makes the whole experience for me seem more real as I can start calling her her now rather than it and also for my son as he's not great with surprises.

I've just told people straight that I'd be happy either way, but I know what you mean. There were plenty of people who gave me a look which told me they didn't believe me when I said so. I've also had people tell me that I don't have to have anymore now as I'll have one of each (I will be having another one if we're lucky enough to get pregnant again) as I've always wanted to have three children whatever the gender. I agree with you I think three boys would be lovely

When the comments do come; just stick to your guns. Smile and tell people that you don't mind either way and don't let it get to you. At the end of the day who cares what other people say or think - it's more of a reflection on them than you

 

[princessp]

It's annoying isn't it. I've always wanted a minimum of 3 children regardless of their gender. I don't really care what people think but it's the negative comments during a special time that make me angry . Not everyone wants one of each and I know a lot of people who were hoping for another of the same gender.. Having one of each is lovey but also so is two or three of the same. Whilst some may never experience one of each some might not experience 2 or 3 the same which is special in itself.
I regularly hear people describing people who have one of each as lucky which implies that I'm not and what I've got is second rate. Rant over lol!

 

[Donna88]

Yes I know exactly what you mean.

It's such a horrible thing to comment on as well as all children are amazing and we're lucky to have them all. By saying others are lucky, it's hard because you feel they're saying you're not and it's horrible thinking that people are saying your children aren't what you wanted as of course they are. They're you're children and you wouldn't have them any different.

It amazes me the things people think they can comment on when you're pregnant. Things you can't change and things that you can but still have nothing to do with them. I've had strangers and people I know ask about names and when I've said what we're using they've told me what they like as if that will change my mind.

I might just start doing that with everything; what are you having for tea? "Chicken? I like lamb" haha

 

[baby.3]

Yes! Exactly this!

It's down right rude to imply that one gender is better than the other if you already have a child. I have two boys and also endured the 'I bet you want a girl?'. No actually I'm convinced I'm having a boy and happy about it, was my reply. People seem to forget that others of endure months if not years of heartache. I myself went through 3 years of ttc and fertility treatment to conceive my second boy. Then 5 year not trying but not protecting against, then suffered two losses. I just wanted a healthy baby, end of. It was only towards the gender scan date that I began to think I'd love a girl. But a boy would have been awesome xx

 

[BabyMaker]

Urgh it amazes me what people dare to say and speculate when it comes to babies genders. We currently have one of each and are due #3 in July. We’ve announced the pregnancy to a select few and some people have asked if it was planned. They never asked if the first 2 were planned
People just assume that because we have one of each our goal is reached and family complete. But this little bubba is very much planned. I’ve always wanted 3 and after our DD was born hubby felt the same.
@princessp are you staying team yellow?

 

[Abi88]

I've had a few similar comments as we were so keen to find out if baby would be a boy or a girl. The thing was I didn't mind either way but I just wanted to know, it made me actually feel pregnant instead of having the world's longest upset stomach. I also had one person ask if it was planned. It did make me laugh though, nothing like asking the difficult questions!

 

[Donna88]

I was asked the planned question. Yes it was planned but to be honest even if it wasn't if you're at the point where you're announcing your pregnancy you've clearly decided you're keeping it and are happy about the situation so who cares whether it was planned or not it's a baby that's on it's way.

 

[Holsf]

Hey I’m having my third and have two boys admiddetly we did try again as we wanted a little girl and we are having a little girl! I didn’t tell many people I was pregnant as I didn’t want all the comments we wanted to find out and then tell people to avoid all the negative comments. So maybe tell as little people as possible till you know the sex and can make it clear your over the moon whatever the sex? Xx

 

[princessp]

We won't find out the sex. We didn't with the first two and I'm not bothered either way. We have names for either a boy or girl. I know some people would prefer one gender over another but even then it's not a disappoitment to have the opposite when u have them in your arms. I've had so many comments already from people and they don't even know I'm pregnant or trying. I'm dressing announcing it for the comments. I know it'll be 'oh maybe third time lucky' etc. Yes I know a few people who were asked if their third was a mistake.

It's true with pregnancy and babies people fee the need to comment on everything. How big you Are, gender, names. That's why we don't tel people what names we like as the first time around I was told that the name we liked for a girl was awful by a close family member and it put me off that name forever. Once the baby is here and the name is given then they have to keep it zipped lol

 

[WinterWolf]

I think everyone assumes all women want to have a daughter too, so if you only have boys you’ve somehow missed out, which is ridiculous. If you had two girls I bet you wouldn’t get the same kind of comments. It’s strange what people assume.

 

[Abi88]

But then if you have all girls the dad gets the comments asking if he feels he missed out on a son. We are only planning one but people have already asked when I'll be having the next one!

 

[WinterWolf]

But then if you have all girls the dad gets the comments asking if he feels he missed out on a son. We are only planning one but people have already asked when I'll be having the next one!

This is very true. We’re having a girl and everyone asks hubby if he’s disappointed he’s not having a son. He was the one with the strong preference for a girl lol

 

[Radleycat]

People just don't think about what they say unless they've been in that experience, which isn't righr or fair really.
My friend said she had her in laws randomly touch her tummy at 12 weeks, she wasn't showing, the bump was just her normal belly and she said it was awful. Anyone comes near me with a hand they are going to get it smacked away!
Same with the sex thing. Healthy babies is all we hope for, the sex doesn't matter at all. Just get them here in one piece if we can and enjoy from that moment on.

Maybe if people say 'oh, don't you wish it was a X' I will ask them why they are sexist

 

[Abi88]

I've had the randomers touch my 'bump' too. It was as FIL's birthday and these were his friends who I have maybe met twice ever! Plus at 13 weeks I don't have a bump, it's bloating and Christmas choccies!

The other comment I had was when one of these ladies found out she told me she had suspected because I was much bigger than when she last saw me!! I was only 13 weeks and I've gained maybe 2 kg (they keep weighing me before my scans when I'm dying for a pee so I don't count all the weight!) but I was wearing 2 jumpers! She may as well have just told me I look like a fatty!

 

[Donna88]

I've had the randomers touch my 'bump' too. It was as FIL's birthday and these were his friends who I have maybe met twice ever! Plus at 13 weeks I don't have a bump, it's bloating and Christmas choccies!

The other comment I had was when one of these ladies found out she told me she had suspected because I was much bigger than when she last saw me!! I was only 13 weeks and I've gained maybe 2 kg (they keep weighing me before my scans when I'm dying for a pee so I don't count all the weight!) but I was wearing 2 jumpers! She may as well have just told me I look like a fatty!

One of my friends said similar when I told her; I had two say they guessed from holiday photos - one said because I was holding fruity cocktails (rather than wine or beer) in all my photos so she wondered if they were actually mocktails. Which was actually a fair enough comment and kudos to her for being so observant.

But another said she could tell because she'd seen my bump in a lot of the pictures. I was 11-13 weeks when I went away; I had cruise bloat nothing to do with baby bump. I don't think they actually think that to be honest; it's just one of those things people like to say when you tell them. Some people like to just say that they already knew because they have insight rather than just saying congrats.

 

[Bubbles1987]

We have two girls and now expecting third. We don’t mind what this one is just more dreading the comments either way! People are already saying “oh I hope you get your boy!” Really annoys me. We always wanted two girls and honestly don’t mind with this one. I think even if I could pick I would flip a coin as couldn’t decide!

Also this one wasn’t planned and when I told people it annoyed me that people would say “oh I thought your husband really didn’t want another one?” My sister said I should turn round and say “oh no he didn’t that is why this one is my lover’s baby....” people just say things without even realising it. Xx

 

[Owls1]

I was asked the planned question. Yes it was planned but to be honest even if it wasn't if you're at the point where you're announcing your pregnancy you've clearly decided you're keeping it and are happy about the situation so who cares whether it was planned or not it's a baby that's on it's way.

So many people have asked me this! We're having our 4th and I think everyone has assumed it wasn't planned. I find it incredibly rude to ask someone that! Who's bloody business is it. My next response may not be quite so polite!

 

[princessp]

I went to a party yesterday and someone I hardly knew asked if I would be having smother baby (unaware that I'm actually pregnant). She then said 'you need to have a girl next time' Grr it's started already!