Don't know what to write here

[Louise0410]

Im am so upset...my OH who ive been with fir 4 years and am engaged to has just told me that im getting one chance to change and if i dont hes leaving I am devastated! he says im 2 possesive and jealous. The way he was talking though is as if hes already decided and is just gona wait a few days or a week or so then end it he said it'snot gonna last forever anyway but he wants us 2 try and work things out and if it doesnt work then he knows he tried. i just dont know what to do i love him so much but at the same time i feel angry and used. I dont want to just be waiting around for him 2 leave me when he decides he wants to. He does give me reasons not to trust him though so thats part of the problem although he doesnt see it like that im the problem and i need to sort myself out(his words).

If youve got this far thanx lol

i just dont know what to do and i dont know why if hes goin 2 leave he doesnt just say hes leaving instead of wasting his time here with me(or me wasting my time hoping things are going to go back to normal) when i know they r not. I just love him so much it hurts and wen i see him talking to other girls n stuff i do get jealous partly because all my other relationships ive been hurt and cheated on and i feel he's the same. Im 19 and he 22 and i just think he'll find someone his own age.

He says he loves me more than anythin but he just cant live his life being trapped anymore dont know where he got that from as he goes out every night with his mates and gets angry when i phone to ask him where he is and when hes coming home as i look after keryn all day by myself i am entitled to a rest and the only reply i get is ill b home when im home i dont know what to do???

Thanx for listening just needed 2 talk bout this with someone dnt have anyone else

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[zebrastripes]

He's just being a typical 22 year old bloke I'm afraid, they aren't renowned for being the most responsible It's sad when guys think that going out all the time and having their "freedom" is better than what they have at home-cause that "freedom" means they will be missing out on their child. I'd be bloody possessive and jealous if my OH was going out every night, especially with a small child at home. It's not you who has to change, it's him. he needs to wake up to the fact that he either acts the way his mates are acting, or he accepts his responsibilites and grows up. He's just hoping that you'll give him an excuse to leave by not "changing" Men

 

[Geordie&Bairn]

ah hunny sorry your man is being a silly git
hope he come around and wakes up to the wonderful gifts he has a lovely women who loves him and a beautiful child.
He may want his freedom but he cant drag it out by saying he may go at any time if he cant take it anymore thats not fair you our your child.

id be the same if my man was out partying all the time, furious do you get out at all.? dose he think about your needs in all this?
Why is it ok f or him to feel he sould still have hs freedom it takes 2 to make a baby.
I really hope he wakes up to his responsabilities as his behaviour can not continue.
None if this is your fault hunny and you do not need ot changea t all its him that dose.

 

[trixipaws]

/\ /\ what she said

it is typical of a 22-yr-old bloke, my boyf was 22 when we met and i was 19 like u- we were both out partying every nite but we didnt hav any responsibilities- no house, no children- he DOES so he gotta GROW UP FFS!!

He's just hoping that you'll give him an excuse to leave by not "changing"

i agree thats exactly what it sounds like, she's wise beyond her years that zebrastripes is

im sorry ur boyf isnt

 

[Sandi4Paul]

When i was 19 i had a 22 yr old b/f as well. he was quite manipulative and wanted me to do things his way. I tried to change to amke things 'work' between us, but it just made me miserable nd destroyed my confidence that i wasn't good enough.

I finally got rid of him, but 12 years on he is still trying to occasionally contact me, and i still sometimes think i am not good enough if someone accidently echos one of the phrases he used to use on me.

However we didn't have achild which would have completly changed things.

My advice to you, is don't change, i don't think he will stay if you do, and unfortuantly i don't think he will if you don't. But if you don't change, in the long term you will be much happier within your own skin.

It sucks being newly single after a long term serious realtionship but longer term it is way better to have got rid of him before he destroys you more.

One thing that used to help me was to be the dumper not the dumpee. it made me feel more empowered and i would show myself that i wasn't going to allow myself to be treated like that.

I hope things work for you and that you will get to a situation where you are happy and able to be a good role model to your LO.

Sandi

 

[DaisyRose]

Hi,

Sorry to hear of your troubles with your OH. I'd agree with what someone else said earlier that he is pretty immature and looking for an excuse to leave. I think I would be pretty pissed off if my OH went out every night with his mates, and ok, you may go over the top with the jelousy but he needs to realise that it's not only you who needs to change!

It is very difficult but I would say stick to your guns and don't take on all the responsibility for changing yourself. I really hope you manage to work something out for the best

 

[Nic'n'Keeley]

He's just being a typical 22 year old bloke I'm afraid, they aren't renowned for being the most responsible It's sad when guys think that going out all the time and having their "freedom" is better than what they have at home-cause that "freedom" means they will be missing out on their child. I'd be bloody possessive and jealous if my OH was going out every night, especially with a small child at home. It's not you who has to change, it's him. he needs to wake up to the fact that he either acts the way his mates are acting, or he accepts his responsibilites and grows up. He's just hoping that you'll give him an excuse to leave by not "changing" Men

Couldn't of said it better i completey agree 100%...

 

[mrs_tommo22]

He's just being a typical 22 year old bloke I'm afraid, they aren't renowned for being the most responsible It's sad when guys think that going out all the time and having their "freedom" is better than what they have at home-cause that "freedom" means they will be missing out on their child. I'd be bloody possessive and jealous if my OH was going out every night, especially with a small child at home. It's not you who has to change, it's him. he needs to wake up to the fact that he either acts the way his mates are acting, or he accepts his responsibilites and grows up. He's just hoping that you'll give him an excuse to leave by not "changing" Men

Couldn't of said it better i completey agree 100%...

Couldnt agree more ladies.

 

[Nic'n'Keeley]

How's things hun?