Dont know what to do :(

[Layla]

Hiya

I have a big problem with my daughter Charlie-Jane.

a couple of weeks ago she choaked on a lolly and had her have her chest pumped to get it out. she was very scared and it affected her for a day or so...or so i thought.

the past week or so she has been asking me about death, i didnt think much of it to be honest, just thought shes a curoius 8 year old. so i told her my version of what happens when you die, that you meet up with all your loved ones and you can fly anywhere you want etc. she seemd very happy with this and didnt ask again.

then the past fwe days i have noticed she wasnt eating alot, and today she didnt eat anything atall for dinner.

her nan came to pick up her and Ethan as normal (she sees them on a friday and a wednesday) and when she came back her nan told me charlie has been very worried, saying something is in her throat, she can feel it but cant get it out, but the thing that worried me the most was this....

nan i wish it was friday today
why?
coz then i would see you again coz im not going to make it till friday
what do you mean?
im going to die before then and im very worried!


she told her nan she doesnt want to eat anything anymore incase she choaks and dies, what can i do???? i cant force food down her.

when her dad left us, she delt with it very badly, started to hold her poo in and had to go to hospital every 3 weeks to get it removed. sending a 5 year old to school in a nappy was so hard for her.
since jase came in to her life she has been so much better and has finaly overcome it and returnd to normal.

i dont want this new worry to make her go back like that

is it worth taking her to the docs? will they do anything, i have tryied to reasure her that she is not going to die but im not sure its worked.

what should i do?

xxx

 

[Jo]

Oh hun, that is such a hard one, maybe she has scratched her throat and thats why it still feels as though something is there.

I would Phone the docs and explain what is happening then take her in so the doc can speak to her and reasure her that she is fit and well

It is really amazing how much things can effect them, even way after the event

I really don't know what to suggest for the best

 

[Urchin]

Awww noooo
In the short term, will she have soup or anything? She must be starving
In the long term, I do think you should talk to your GP about it, maybe they will be able to suggest something.

Hope she feels better soon.

 

[Layla]

didnt think of soup

thanks!

 

I think you should see GP, takle Charlie with you and maybe he/she can puts some words of comfort into her about it? Or he may want to have her throat checked again for cuts or grazes from having the lolly stuck?

Let us know how it goes babe, sorry she is getting so worried, it can't be easy

 

[beanie]

When I was around Charlie's age I had a fish bone that scratched my throat, it was really painful and I was very scared I would choke on something. I didn't eat for a while and then when I did I had to make sure everything was well chewed (am still wary of fish to this day).

Has someone she knows died recently or has one of her friend's lost someone? Death is something that children do think about, and it may be that she is trying to understand what death actually means. It can be a scary concept, and with her having such a fright with the lolly it could be that she is all of a sudden becoming aware of her own mortality (???).

I would perhaps see a Dr about her throat, but with regards to her thoughts of death I would just let her explore these with you. You sound very close and you are the best person to help her through this. It can be hard not to get scared when thinking about death but it sounds as though you have a good strong belief in afterlife which will comfort her. I was convinced I was going to die when my Grandad died (he died of cancer). I had never experienced death before apart from my hamsters, and fish dying. It really frightened me and I was convinced I was going to develop a cancer and die. I rmember my mum telling me off after I had read an article about leukemia and was convinced I had a rash and woke her to check me at 3 in the morning. She took me to see my Dr but he was not a nice man and made me feel very stupid. As a result I am very reluctant to discuss my fears with anyone now

 

[Minime]

Ask the GP to refer her to a child psychologist hun and explain whats happening before she makes herself poorly.

 

[rach]

awww hun i hope things settle down soon for you it must be so worrying xxxxxxxxx

 

[jenna]

when i was little i thought i was going to die all the time. I would refuse to eat because i thought i would get "dirty". A few months later i was told i have OCD, i wouldnt stop washing myself! I can remember sitting is a different class to every one else and i would play with my toys and a women would sit asking me questions. It was very odd but after a while i stopped talking stuff like that.

Maybe they have something similar these days? Hope that helped.

 

[Yvonne]

Thats strange you mentioned it layla.

My mum told me the other day about an odd thing my 8yr old nephew asked her he said.....
" Grandma, what does it feel like when your mummy and daddy die?"
How do you answer that!

She just said to him, "very sad, how would you feel if your mummy or daddy died?"

He said "very sad"

That was the end of it,


What is it about that age?!

 

[*saulino*]

Hi

Hun i just read this thats aweful, how is she coming along now hope she starts eating soon and you get it all sorted out
Katrina xx

 

[Layla]

thanks guys

we had a long chat about it and she told me she felt something in her throat whcih is making her scared to eat in case it happens again, i had a look in her thoat but couldnt see anything, it wasnt even red but i went along with it anyway, we got her some medicne to take to make her feel better, but coz there is nothing wrong with her im only giving her a little spoonful once a day, just to see if that changes her way of thinking.

plus, im asking her to tell me what she would like for dinner, that way she eats it, she is choseing things like hot dog sausages, beans mash etc, soft things, its taking her ages to eat it mind you, she takes the tiniest bites then chews for ever, i dont mind tho as long as she eats.

next week we are going to take her to mcdonnalds, she loves going there as we hardly ever go so im hoping the treat will stop her thinking about her throat and just eat. if that works then i will start giving her harder meals again.

will let you know how she gets on but for now she seems a bit happier

xxx

 

[beanie]

she could have scratched her throat. When I did it felt like a bone was in there still but it went away after a while. Perhaps just get her throat checked.

Hope you have a great time at McDonalds

 

[Tara & Liam]

hi layla

just to say that i am pleased that Charlie is eating now.

and that it really is normal for children to question death like that. when my step dad died, kieran was okay for ages and then all of a sudden it hit him. kids react differently with death and Charlie sounds quite normal, she had a scare with not being able to breathe and this is how she is dealing with it.

good luck at McDonalds

 

[Layla]

thanks hun

she is eating now, but it takes her about 45 mins to have a meal. i dont mind tho as long as shes eating it.

hopefuly once she gets her confidence back up she will eat quicker.

her throat seems ok now too, hasnt complained there is anything in it since the other day so the medicene has worked.

xxx

 

[Tara & Liam]

my sil and my nephew take about that amount of time to eat their food. Charlie will probably get tired of eating her dinner that slowly as it will be stone cold by the time she finishes it.

good luck though Layla

 

[Tam]

Hi Layla,

My DD got a crisp stuck in her throat and paniced so much her breathing went out of control, so I had to get her calm down and I explained that she had to drink water...........I had another glass of water and thru a crisp in it, and told her to feel it after a minute or so and it was getting softer and explained that this would happen in her throat....it will get soft and go down her throat!!!

Well she was so scared and so was I, I have never seen her panic so much!!!!! It put her off eating, I ended up taking her to the Doctors and he said it was sore and was wear the crisp had got lodged, but he was also concerned about her eating and said she could see a therapist if needs be..........but we will have to get back to him, as he would need it to be a bit longer to be a definate problem with her.

She ate very light fluffy and soft food for ages, and didn't eat crisps for a long long time, eventually she did build up her confidence to eat rougher foods, but I left her to do it in her own time, so I wasn't pressuring her in anyway. I also did what you said about taking her to KFC (her fave) as if she ate that then she was on the mend.

Well this was all a couple of years ago now, and she has a brilliant appetite but she does still make sure she chews well, she has gone from taking ages to eat her dinner, to me telling her "it wont run away, slow down"

So just give her time hun, I am sure she will be back to normal in no time, but don't pressure her, she will get there and more xx

 

[Tara & Liam]

thats a really good idea tam with the crisp.